An Ice Storm
It has been a long time, considering I haven't written here since before LA. I won't describe LA here as there is too much that could be said. It was wonderful.
I am home today. Stuck really. There is an ice storm brewing and the roads are un-drivable. Classes were all cancelled at noon, so there is nothing open anyway. This all comes at a good time really. My body is finished. I won't go into my health saga here, but I will just say that I could barely lift myself from my bed this morning, the pain was incredible. So I will get things done. Maybe clean my room, do some laundry, attempt a small workout, since I have no equipment here. Pushups and crunches may have to suffice. I was on a roll too. Oh well. There is always tomorrow.
I audition for PROOF tomorrow. This is the play I have been preparing for since it was announced last spring. I bought the movie, the script. I have been reading it with Luke for months. I think I am ready. I want this part so badly I can taste it. We will see. I am trying not to set myself up for failure and disappointment. Too late now right?
I have been on the up and up now for a few weeks. I had a rough one for a while. I made some bad decisions, did some destructive things to myself that I regret, but all in the past now. It's onward and upward. I made the Dean's List for the first time in college, which was wonderful. I am heading towards a major I enjoy finally. My future becomes more apparent everyday.
Luke has been doing well, well up until about a week and a half ago, but now is back on track. He does that from time to time. I have learned to be ready for it. I changed my reaction a bit, to see if that helped. It did. Now I know for next time. God willing, there won't be a next time, but I am realistic. He has ebbs and flows.
I have missed Owen a lot as of late. A strange thing, since I hadn't honestly thought of him much in many many months. Out of sight...you know the rest. But, there was a night. I was just fragile for the first time in a long time and all I wanted was his embrace and his kiss on my face. It was a fleeting moment, but I felt that moment for days after. We are such different people now, but yet I have this very real memory of how that felt. I miss that feeling of pure unadulterated adoration for each other that we had at one point in our relationship. That love was so strong. Its wake comes back and hits me from time to time.
Life is generally good, despite moments of fear or fragility. I have wonderful people in my life. I am following what I love, whatever that may be. I am being who I am and accepting it. I have begun writing, inspired by my Stylistics professor, who is comparable to "Dead Poet's Society". Those of you knowledgeable with that film, know a good teacher. The creativity is pouring out of me at times that I can't help but just show it on my face. I find myself smiling by myself at times, which I haven't done since I was in love. You all know the feeling. That smile that you can't contain.
My script is coming along slowly as well. It is difficult to carve out time to dedicate to something so deep and so big. I try my best, on top of managing the paper, doing my homework, preparing for auditions, and sleeping.
That is all I have at the moment. I'm on a lot of pain meds at the moment and drinking tea, resting, and attempting to be productive on this ice day of ours. Trying to not remember that Saturday is Valentine's Day. It used to be my favorite day. It is just Saturday this year. There is one good thing I suppose. Luke's sister Rochelle is getting married to the wonderful Jon. I am very happy about that. Anything I could have written has escaped me. Good day world.
~K
I am home today. Stuck really. There is an ice storm brewing and the roads are un-drivable. Classes were all cancelled at noon, so there is nothing open anyway. This all comes at a good time really. My body is finished. I won't go into my health saga here, but I will just say that I could barely lift myself from my bed this morning, the pain was incredible. So I will get things done. Maybe clean my room, do some laundry, attempt a small workout, since I have no equipment here. Pushups and crunches may have to suffice. I was on a roll too. Oh well. There is always tomorrow.
I audition for PROOF tomorrow. This is the play I have been preparing for since it was announced last spring. I bought the movie, the script. I have been reading it with Luke for months. I think I am ready. I want this part so badly I can taste it. We will see. I am trying not to set myself up for failure and disappointment. Too late now right?
I have been on the up and up now for a few weeks. I had a rough one for a while. I made some bad decisions, did some destructive things to myself that I regret, but all in the past now. It's onward and upward. I made the Dean's List for the first time in college, which was wonderful. I am heading towards a major I enjoy finally. My future becomes more apparent everyday.
Luke has been doing well, well up until about a week and a half ago, but now is back on track. He does that from time to time. I have learned to be ready for it. I changed my reaction a bit, to see if that helped. It did. Now I know for next time. God willing, there won't be a next time, but I am realistic. He has ebbs and flows.
I have missed Owen a lot as of late. A strange thing, since I hadn't honestly thought of him much in many many months. Out of sight...you know the rest. But, there was a night. I was just fragile for the first time in a long time and all I wanted was his embrace and his kiss on my face. It was a fleeting moment, but I felt that moment for days after. We are such different people now, but yet I have this very real memory of how that felt. I miss that feeling of pure unadulterated adoration for each other that we had at one point in our relationship. That love was so strong. Its wake comes back and hits me from time to time.
Life is generally good, despite moments of fear or fragility. I have wonderful people in my life. I am following what I love, whatever that may be. I am being who I am and accepting it. I have begun writing, inspired by my Stylistics professor, who is comparable to "Dead Poet's Society". Those of you knowledgeable with that film, know a good teacher. The creativity is pouring out of me at times that I can't help but just show it on my face. I find myself smiling by myself at times, which I haven't done since I was in love. You all know the feeling. That smile that you can't contain.
My script is coming along slowly as well. It is difficult to carve out time to dedicate to something so deep and so big. I try my best, on top of managing the paper, doing my homework, preparing for auditions, and sleeping.
That is all I have at the moment. I'm on a lot of pain meds at the moment and drinking tea, resting, and attempting to be productive on this ice day of ours. Trying to not remember that Saturday is Valentine's Day. It used to be my favorite day. It is just Saturday this year. There is one good thing I suppose. Luke's sister Rochelle is getting married to the wonderful Jon. I am very happy about that. Anything I could have written has escaped me. Good day world.
~K