Why don’t you love me?
He flipped his dirty blonde shaggy hair swiftly to the left as he sarcastically smirked and bantered a snide remark while casting his pole across the reflective water.
He made a guy assumption that I didn’t know what to do and grabbed my pole, “hear let me do it” and then casted the bobble out farther than I expected. We sat in silence. It was nice. I tried to copy the flinging motion and my line immediately flung into the nearest tree. Suddenly our laughter rippled across the pond. It’s happiness like this that casts aside worries and reels in a moment where time bobbles still for an afternoon. 🎣
It’s so simple with him. We just puzzle piece fit. We’re of the same kind and complement one another . I don’t understand why he’s too shallow to understand how to stop and fully appreciate this kind of connection. Just being able to be yourself with the other person is a rare catch. He’ll miss me when he’s lonely. He will be miserable because he is in search of a unrealistic expectation of what he imagines love to be like when in fact it’s right in front of his face and he doesn’t even notice it’s value. A dream mirage that hides the truth of what love is. Love is easy. It’s purely given without expectations of recompense. It is a simple beauty that should be cherished for it is a blue moon of a chance to find a twin flame.
I stared at him. Loving him unconditionally. I took a swig of my cool corona and felt the breeze swirl around my shoulders. I blurted out my thoughts “Why did you ignore me?” I brought it up again hoping for an answer this time. He muttered Out of the side of his mouth as he inhaled, “I don’t have to tell you...” his cigarette puffs floated up towards the cotton ball clouds that speckled the picturesque fishing hole. “I deserve an answer, don’t I deserve an answer” I didn’t know if i was still hurt from his ghosting me in the past or presently in pain from the fact he didn’t want me back. “Why did you do it?” “Idk I was being weird”. “Well is that why we can’t again, because youget weird?”
“Yea...”
Tears filled my eyes for not even giving us a chance was my biggest ego hit. A fleeting moment of four perfect hours of comfortable companionship that was what I thought pretty damn good. I need to stop loving people who don’t love me back
“I love you” he kissed my cheek and hugged me goodbye. My heart throbs in sadness because he won’t let me love him as much as I know I can.
We left on a good note today. Tomorrow he won’t call. Eventually we will drift. Face it, he only hits me up when he needs money. Ugh, Hopefully I will know what I want for once.
I know his first world problem sorrows. But he doesn’t know the stories behind my scars. Ta not like he knew me spiritually deeply or hit the core soul. It wasn’t a soul shattering experience. Just fulfilling. Lacking God is the root. I need a man who loves God more than me and loves me the way God intended #goals #oneday 🙏🏼