Sad
So for the past week I have been able to go to sleep and not worry about what I have to accomplish in the next day, that week, the following week, month, semester, etc.
Tonight I just want to cry because spring break is over and I have to start running again. The anxiety and stress is back. I really really hate school and just want to be done.
This scares me even more because this is supposedly the life that I want....it won't change much after I get out of graduate school. There will always be deadlines and papers, and research, etc. and I am even more terrified that I have overqualified myself out of other jobs that I would normally want.
The older students say, hang in there, its your last semester, its the hardest semester and that things change for the better once you pass your comprehensive exams in August because then you are just teaching and researching which is a different pace of life. I keep repeating that to myself.
Mentally, I am much better than I was last semetser but this one is still killing me. Everyday is still a struggle and for the most part I really do feel like I am running a marathon. Most mornings I am at school before the sun rises and don't leave until its setting. I no longer get my usual 8 hours of sleep, I strive to get six but some nights its more like 3 or 4.
Hopefully, the small papers are all done and I just have a 10 pager due in a week from Thursday and a rough 30 pager due that same day. Plus teaching, grading, etc.
I have roughly two more months to go...then Kay's wedding, studying all summer for the comps that are in late august and then I will be able to breathe!!! If I can just make it through that I will survive.
How sad is it that I am just hoping to survive, I'm not really living, not the way I want to at least. So sad.
Tonight I just want to cry because spring break is over and I have to start running again. The anxiety and stress is back. I really really hate school and just want to be done.
This scares me even more because this is supposedly the life that I want....it won't change much after I get out of graduate school. There will always be deadlines and papers, and research, etc. and I am even more terrified that I have overqualified myself out of other jobs that I would normally want.
The older students say, hang in there, its your last semester, its the hardest semester and that things change for the better once you pass your comprehensive exams in August because then you are just teaching and researching which is a different pace of life. I keep repeating that to myself.
Mentally, I am much better than I was last semetser but this one is still killing me. Everyday is still a struggle and for the most part I really do feel like I am running a marathon. Most mornings I am at school before the sun rises and don't leave until its setting. I no longer get my usual 8 hours of sleep, I strive to get six but some nights its more like 3 or 4.
Hopefully, the small papers are all done and I just have a 10 pager due in a week from Thursday and a rough 30 pager due that same day. Plus teaching, grading, etc.
I have roughly two more months to go...then Kay's wedding, studying all summer for the comps that are in late august and then I will be able to breathe!!! If I can just make it through that I will survive.
How sad is it that I am just hoping to survive, I'm not really living, not the way I want to at least. So sad.