What is it about the bad boys? (Personal and somewhat explicit)
So I have a friend back home in Michigan and we talk over the phone a lot. He's not a very positive person and I know it but there is something about his bad ass bad boyness that just gets my motor running and I wish I knew how to make it stop. It's horriblly fabulous. Sigh. What's a girl to do.
Other the other side I have a second date on Tuesday tentativly and I'm looking forward to it. I have no idea what we are doing yet but I really have positive feelings about this guy. Who knows though time will tell and as much as I tell myself not to stress I sorta can't help it but get a little giddy.
The hardest part is reminding myself that he is not don and that I can't assume that he is. Part of me is thinking that I should go to therapy on campus and try to sort some of my don issues out so they don't impact my current relationship. part of me doesn't want to spend the money on therapy and the other half thinks it might be really good for me. I'm not sure what I want to do actually.
Shurgs.
Dating is insanely hard because there are no set rules anymore. There just aren't they don't know what we are thinking and we really have no clue what they are thinking and then there's all of societies standards, suggestions, etc. and in the end its like fuck it all and just be yourself because when it comes to it you probably aren't going to change and neither are they and thats why people keep breaking up at the three month mark. Because you spend this time so worried about what the other person thinks that you lose a bit of yourself and by the third month you are too tired to keep up the show and then when you show your true colors you realize that you aren't good together and break up.....so why not skip the whole three months and just lay your cards on the table when you meet? Because that wouldn't be any fun.
One of my friends tonight who was having a bit of a crisis of her own in her relationship told me that if this ph.d. thing falls through I should be the next Dr.Ruth, you know the one who talks about sex all the time and takes people's phone calls and what not. Honestly I think I'd be pretty good at it. I can talk about almost anything especially if I frame it in an intellectual framework. There is little sexually that upsets me other than abuse, mutilation, etc. but other things like types of sex, sexual organs, etc. I am alll very comfortable talking about them with people. I've actually had more than one friend ask advice on buying a sexual toy for themselves and I honestly went with them or gave them advice over the phone.
Its funny because I am very slow to proceed in the sexual department. I refuse to engage in sexual activity until my partner is tested for sexually transmitted diseases and I honestly think that while some people might find that a bit in the extreme I think its the only sane thing to really do anymore these days and I try to keep things fifty fifity by offering to be tested at the same time as well. I just think its best to know what you are dealing with...that way there are no surprises. So yeah I am slow to move in that area but once I get past that step I am a pretty open minded person and have a pretty high sex drive that I think most men would be happy with.
Sorry if this is too much for people but I feel like only a very few people read this and so It is going to become very honest very quickly from here on out. I've thought about starting a new and more annonomoyous journal but the truth is that it would be too much of a hassel and i don't want to lose the years of journals that I do have on here. Which I really do need to get turned into a book. Am working on it. Okay well I have some articles I still need to read before going to sleep for the night. I have to lead a discussion in my class this week which normally would be a piece of cake but this class is becoming quite the challenge because the prof generally doesn't like me which I feel is largely racially motivated and there are a few students in the class that are somewhat hostile as well. But hey I am who I am and I do what I do so what can I do other than that ya know.
Alrighty, night.
Other the other side I have a second date on Tuesday tentativly and I'm looking forward to it. I have no idea what we are doing yet but I really have positive feelings about this guy. Who knows though time will tell and as much as I tell myself not to stress I sorta can't help it but get a little giddy.
The hardest part is reminding myself that he is not don and that I can't assume that he is. Part of me is thinking that I should go to therapy on campus and try to sort some of my don issues out so they don't impact my current relationship. part of me doesn't want to spend the money on therapy and the other half thinks it might be really good for me. I'm not sure what I want to do actually.
Shurgs.
Dating is insanely hard because there are no set rules anymore. There just aren't they don't know what we are thinking and we really have no clue what they are thinking and then there's all of societies standards, suggestions, etc. and in the end its like fuck it all and just be yourself because when it comes to it you probably aren't going to change and neither are they and thats why people keep breaking up at the three month mark. Because you spend this time so worried about what the other person thinks that you lose a bit of yourself and by the third month you are too tired to keep up the show and then when you show your true colors you realize that you aren't good together and break up.....so why not skip the whole three months and just lay your cards on the table when you meet? Because that wouldn't be any fun.
One of my friends tonight who was having a bit of a crisis of her own in her relationship told me that if this ph.d. thing falls through I should be the next Dr.Ruth, you know the one who talks about sex all the time and takes people's phone calls and what not. Honestly I think I'd be pretty good at it. I can talk about almost anything especially if I frame it in an intellectual framework. There is little sexually that upsets me other than abuse, mutilation, etc. but other things like types of sex, sexual organs, etc. I am alll very comfortable talking about them with people. I've actually had more than one friend ask advice on buying a sexual toy for themselves and I honestly went with them or gave them advice over the phone.
Its funny because I am very slow to proceed in the sexual department. I refuse to engage in sexual activity until my partner is tested for sexually transmitted diseases and I honestly think that while some people might find that a bit in the extreme I think its the only sane thing to really do anymore these days and I try to keep things fifty fifity by offering to be tested at the same time as well. I just think its best to know what you are dealing with...that way there are no surprises. So yeah I am slow to move in that area but once I get past that step I am a pretty open minded person and have a pretty high sex drive that I think most men would be happy with.
Sorry if this is too much for people but I feel like only a very few people read this and so It is going to become very honest very quickly from here on out. I've thought about starting a new and more annonomoyous journal but the truth is that it would be too much of a hassel and i don't want to lose the years of journals that I do have on here. Which I really do need to get turned into a book. Am working on it. Okay well I have some articles I still need to read before going to sleep for the night. I have to lead a discussion in my class this week which normally would be a piece of cake but this class is becoming quite the challenge because the prof generally doesn't like me which I feel is largely racially motivated and there are a few students in the class that are somewhat hostile as well. But hey I am who I am and I do what I do so what can I do other than that ya know.
Alrighty, night.