Emofest09 Lorcan/Hugo/Lysander 3
If the number of people in the library had been only a handful that afternoon but now after dinner Hugo was pretty sure he was almost completely alone in there. Since he'd gone in with no intention of getting any work done, he hadn't managed to make any headway on any of his assignments. Instead, he sat at a table tucked away in the corner of the room where he was sure no one would be able to find him to accuse him of throwing Quidditch games, pushing people away, or getting caught peeping on a late night homo-erotic tryst. He didn't even want to begin to wonder what Abbey had planned to say to him once she'd cornered him in his dorm room but he was pretty sure it was the type of thing that would turn into a rumor that would make him want to transfer schools as quickly as possible.
The events of the evening still bothered him. At the forefront was his sister's claim that he would never do something as despicable as throwing a game. She was obviously so wrong about him and the shame that came with the knowledge of that fact made him nauseous. Rose should have been right about him and there probably had been a time when she, a time that was now very much his past. The conversation at dinner hadn't really been finished and Hugo knew it would be brought up again, certainly after the next game where he'd promised to make sure Gryffindor lost. Everyone would realize that Albus had been right, that he had thrown the game, and he would probably be kicked off the team, lose all of his friends, and the only people he'd be left with was Rose who would want to spend all their time in the library.
He didn't know what was wrong with him, what had happened to his character that he was now caught in such a sorry state of events. He was being blackmailed by Scorpius because he'd walked in on him and some...bound, blindfolded bloke getting it on. Instead of getting out of there or putting a stop to it or anything remotely logical, he'd stayed and stared and when Scorpius had finally noticed him there, hiding behind a half cracked door, his hands were down his pants and his face flushed and hot it had been too late to escape. As a result he had agreed to do everything in his power to make sure Gryffindor lost every single one of their Quidditch matches, insuring Slytherin's victory of the Quidditch cup, in order to keep Scorpius quiet. Even though he'd promised, swore, humiliated himself, Scorpius had still tattled! Hopefully Albus had been the only one he'd told although the notion of confronting Scorpius to find out left him so anxious he didn't think he could even make it through the library doors.
If he had an ounce of courage at all he would have done something about it. He would have let Scorpius tell anyone he wanted about what had happened. He would have said that it didn't matter because no one would believe him anyway. He wasn't gay and in the end Scorpius would only embarrass himself since everyone in the school would know he slunk off in the evenings to get his cock sucked in empty classrooms after hours. If Hugo had said any of that he wouldn't be dealing with this gut-sickening feeling of guilt, self-doubt and loathing. He definitely wouldn't have had to sit through that horrible dinner or be stuck here in the library hiding from absolutely everybody and everything.
Hugo knew that was all bullocks though and with a depressed moan he let his head slide off his forearms where it had been resting and hit the heavy wooden table. The main problem was, and he was loathed to admit it, he wasn't sure if he really was straight or not. Outwardly, he knew he was playing a pretty good heterosexual, the operative word being playing. Sure he'd had a lot of girlfriends and he had engaged on more than one occasion in a pretty hot and heavy snogging session or two. There had been a lot of heavy petting and he'd even gotten off a few times although he'd never gone all the way with anyone else before. And then there had been this most recent interlude with Abbey where he had actually had some sort of panic attack. The only thing he could think about was how much he wanted to get as far away from her as quickly as possible.
There was also the disturbing trend his thoughts had been traveling in lately. He noticed all sorts of things he'd never paid attention to before, parts of other blokes caught his eye in ways that made him want to flush in embarrassment. When he remembered everything he'd seen in that classroom with Scorpius he felt the pace of his heart quicken and he found it more difficult than ever to stay still. Even now he was beginning to wonder if maybe a trip to the bathroom was in order.
Hugo realized then, with the notion of a quickie at the forefront of his brain, that it was rather quiet in the library and he was sitting in such a place that it would be impossible for anyone to sneak up on him. With a secretive glance around just to make sure no one was there, he reached down beneath the surface of the table and pressed his hand against himself over his jeans. He could feel the warmth and strength of his erection pressing against the denim. Biting his lower lip to keep from moaning out loud he ran his palm agonizingly slow down between his legs, slouching in his seat so he could part his thighs for better access. His eyes fluttered closed as he lowered his forehead to his arm again, his controlled, panting breath making his face hot and damp as he flicked the metal button free of its hole and caught the metal zip between his fingers.
"Hugo, are you sleeping?"
The whisper was so close to his ear, he swore he could feel the soft brush of lips as the words were formed and in a flurry of action he sat up, his hands jumping away from beneath the table and accidentally catching the books he'd stacked sending them sliding every which way over the large work surface. Lysander, who had been leaning over him jumped back just in enough time to not catch an elbow to the face all the while maintaining his usual sleepy, serene expression. Hugo knew if Lysander was here than his brother had to be lurking around somewhere also. He pulled a book quickly into his lap since there was nothing else to hide behind and looked around. "Where's Lorcan at?"
Lysander, who had been looking around the same way Hugo had without any real knowledge of what they were searching for, put a hand on Hugo's shoulder in a reassuring way at his question and smiled. "Don't worry. I'm sorry I woke you up like that."
Hugo was about to assure him that he wasn't sleeping, but wasn't it much better to let Lysander think that was exactly what had been going on? "Uh...it's no problem."
"Hello again, Hugo." Lorcan appeared from beneath the other end of the table Hugo had claimed, causing him to suffer a mild heart attack as all the possibilities of what Lorcan could have seen while he was under there ran through his mind, not to mention the question of just how Lorcan had gotten in that position in the first place without him realizing it. "We're running into an awful lot of you lately."
The possibility of a double entendre being laced somewhere in that statement briefly crossed Hugo's mind and he searched for some trace of it in Lorcan's face and was relieved when he found nothing. "I guess so. What are you two doing here so late?"
"Oh..." Lysander shared a secretive look with Lorcan and then reported back to Hugo, "just an experiment."
"Of course," Hugo, still uncomfortable in his seat, wished now more than ever that the pair of twins would just get out of there. "It's always an experiment with you two. I guess I'll let you get back to it."
"Thank you." Lorcan smiled back at his brother and after a brief detour to the closest self to put a book away he held his hand out to his win, their normal mode of transportation, and in short order had disappeared in the forest of books.
Hugo watched and waited for the last second goodbye he'd received last time but it never came. Only when he was sure they were really gone could he breathe a sigh of relief. That had been close, much too close. Plopping the book from his lap down on the center of the table, Hugo buttoned his jeans back up and tugged the front of his jumper down as far as he could.
"I think you just have to face it," he told the green cover of the Charms book. He'd just have to face it was more like it. Whatever it meant, however people would view him from now on, the reactions he'd get from his friends and family and team mates, he had to start facing the facts. He, Hugo Weasley, liked other blokes.
The admission, within the confines of his own head, left Hugo crestfallen. He didn't know what he was supposed to do about it or who he was supposed to tell or if talking to someone would even be worth it. Even if he confided in someone and that person had the best intentions he knew some how his secret would get out. His mother was going to cry and James would make fun of him during every holiday get together. He didn't even want to think what Liam or Higgs would do if they knew! At the same time he knew he had to tell someone, he couldn't let the knowledge eat him up alive. A realization like that had to be shared with someone so he could maybe, somehow, get over the awful feeling it inspired inside him.
Dismally, Hugo began gathering up his things. He didn't' care anymore if Abbey and her friends were still waiting to ambush him in his room, he just wanted to go home, go to bed, and hope that when he woke up everything would be different.
With his books in one pile and the ones he'd checked out from the library in the other, Hugo slouched back in his seat knowing that a good, long night's sleep wasn't going to change anything. Things wouldn’t be fixed when he got up tomorrow. If anything was going to change, he would have to actually do something.
Pulling an errant piece of paper towards him with one hand and with a quill in the other he carefully wrote out in large letters over the scrap of parchment, I'm Gay, and shakily lowered the quill back down to the table.
After staring at the scribed admission for what felt like an eternity, the corners of Hugo's mouth lifted the tiniest bit. Seeing it written out seemed to help for some reason, the initial shock of the realization fading when he was able to see it in front of him. Writing the words helped them to lose some of their horrible mystery although he knew it wasn't the same as actually sharing it with someone else. That was why, cautiously and without any real certainty, Hugo folded the note up and carefully tucked it somewhere in the middle of the green covered charms book. He may not be telling anyone directly and while no one may discover the note for weeks or months, someday, eventually, someone would find the secret he’d left behind and read it.
Before he could change his mind and convince himself it really was a horrible idea, that even though he hadn’t signed the paper someone could recognize his writing or connect him to the book, Hugo quickly stood and left the library books where they sat. In half an hour, when the library closed, Madame Pinkerton would show up and shelve what he'd left out, whisking his secret away into anonymity. At the moment it was the very best he could do. It would have to be enough.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, NEXT, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 final