..i cried for you when i heard the rain;;it cried for me when you didn't care..
~i am a lost pile of mush.. me and danielle came to the conclusion the other day that if life were a living being, we would maime it beyond recognition, for it sucks greatly.. too confusing, it's just a bunch of questions and unanswerable memories..
~i thought i had it all figured out for awhile.. i thought i knew what happiness was.. maybe i didn't have it yet, but i was getting there.. and then i stopped.. the progression from interested to good to happy to whole inside just ended somewhere about a half a mile after interested and a few centimeters shy of happy.. i don't know if i turned wrong, tripped or just got lost.. but it seemed to stop.. all on it's own..
~now i'm sitting somewhere on a dirt road in the middle of a puddle full of guilt, confusion and fear.. i wanted it to be RIGHT and it's not.. maybe to be all right, is to be all wrong.. or vice versa.. or i'm just scared and that's the whole of it.. but i don't think so.. the fear i have isn't of something that would be obvious..
~i've spent everyday away from this house since i got home.. i haven't ventured much further than hart, but i've been not here.. there's tension, there's confusion, there's too much in my head to be cooped up in one building alone trying to figure it all out.. i've sought out help and it's all the same answer.. they all know the things i don't.. or the things i DO but are afraid to believe.. why is it anymore, that your friends will know you better than you ever will? so it seems..
~3 times in 12 days.. and it's not even BEGUN yet.. when it begins, it ends.. that's the inevitable truth.. it's like my impending doom is smiling at me through a mirror from around the corner.. taunting me.. telling me i should have expected nothing less.. i always dreamt of far away lands when i was a child.. now the far away lands bring on my imminent demise.. or that of my love at least..
~::sigh:: too much thinking does this to a person.. and i'm almost sorry for posting this.. but then again, i was almost happy once too..
~life goes on
~i thought i had it all figured out for awhile.. i thought i knew what happiness was.. maybe i didn't have it yet, but i was getting there.. and then i stopped.. the progression from interested to good to happy to whole inside just ended somewhere about a half a mile after interested and a few centimeters shy of happy.. i don't know if i turned wrong, tripped or just got lost.. but it seemed to stop.. all on it's own..
~now i'm sitting somewhere on a dirt road in the middle of a puddle full of guilt, confusion and fear.. i wanted it to be RIGHT and it's not.. maybe to be all right, is to be all wrong.. or vice versa.. or i'm just scared and that's the whole of it.. but i don't think so.. the fear i have isn't of something that would be obvious..
~i've spent everyday away from this house since i got home.. i haven't ventured much further than hart, but i've been not here.. there's tension, there's confusion, there's too much in my head to be cooped up in one building alone trying to figure it all out.. i've sought out help and it's all the same answer.. they all know the things i don't.. or the things i DO but are afraid to believe.. why is it anymore, that your friends will know you better than you ever will? so it seems..
~3 times in 12 days.. and it's not even BEGUN yet.. when it begins, it ends.. that's the inevitable truth.. it's like my impending doom is smiling at me through a mirror from around the corner.. taunting me.. telling me i should have expected nothing less.. i always dreamt of far away lands when i was a child.. now the far away lands bring on my imminent demise.. or that of my love at least..
~::sigh:: too much thinking does this to a person.. and i'm almost sorry for posting this.. but then again, i was almost happy once too..
~life goes on