(no subject)
honestly... this is essetially just an entry for myself... i do not feel like putting it as a private entry because it is nothing i am horribly ashamed of... and yet i do not necessarily want everyone reading it... so if you honestly want to know what is in my head right now then go ahead.. read on... but i dont need any comments or anyhting letting me know how anyone feels baout it... cause honestly at this moment i dont care... thats not always been my strongest attribute... the whole not caring thing, but im doin reallly friggin good at it right now.
so beware that for some this may make people angry... some wont care... some wont know what i mean... and some wont even read it!
if anyone were to care... or wonder... or anything... i have decided that my joining myspace was a drastic error on my part... yes... it did help me get in contact with friends and see what the site was like, but it also helps bring to mind how big of an asshole i have been and how many people probably hate/dislike/want to kick me in the balls.... rihgt about now.
honestly, i suppose that i can understnad this opinion of me... and for those of you who dont have that opinion of me then thanks :) its always nice to not have someone hating me.
now... i know that not everyone hates me, and in fact it may just be my own insecurities that are telling me that everyone hates me... but still its a disconcerting feeling all the same and i wish it would stop... i dont know how it ever would... or why... or anything like that... all i know is that i feel like shit for making the girl i jsut broke up with a little while ago ... feel... well... bad. cause i know what that feels like, and i dont know what to do. im letting her come to terms with it, and if she ever decides that she doesnt hate me then cool! it would even be nice if we can stay friends in the end of it all because she really is a cool girl and a great person... it simply just wasnt working out as a relationship.
i dont know if anyone actually reads this anymore since i havent posted in forever... and i kind of hope that not too many people do... but im posting this because i cnat bear saying nothing to anyone... and therefore i have decided to say whatever the fucking hell is on my mind at this very singular point in time to the vast majority of the world... most of which do not know i exist and therefor would not care if i felt this way.
to all those out there that read this... what i have written here and what follows may or may not apply to you. if it does then ok, if it doesnt.. .the whoop-de-doo... but im sayin it anyways whether or not i change someones mind... make them feel better/worse... i dont care... im just in a typing kind of mood and a "i dont give a shit kind of mood" so too bad.
1 - yes breaking up with my girlfriend was an asshole thing to do.. but it would have been worse if i had tried to stick with it, nothing good comes of attempting to be something that i am not
2- yes, im sure that breaking up with her has caused a bunch of her friends to dislike me to various extents.. which i can understand, though apparently not all of them hate me? if so i would like to know which ones do... it wont change my opinion of them at all... it would simply be nice to know so that i can stop worrying about it ( after all... i dont exactly have the longest list of friends as it is) and also i know that having each and every person i know tell me whether or not they hate me is not going to happen... but still this is me thinking these tihngs here... and often ive found myself unrealistic
3- yes... i do feel like shit about what i did because it made her feel bad... and yes... also at the very same time i do not regret what i did in the least... i may regret what kind of boyfriend i was because honestly i wasnt that great of a boyfriend in my opinion... but still... i did what i had to do for ME and since there werent any objections from her... then i can simply assume that it was the best choice... and my only real viable choice
4- if what i have written here has caused everyone that didnt, by some miracle of the higher powers that may be, hate me ... now start to hate me... then well... shit... it wasnt exactly the point of me writing this... and well... thats just my luck
im sorry for those of you who may happen to have me in your friends pages and this whole thing is taking up space... and annoying the crap out of everyone... i was hopeing that by making it so long.. not only would it relieve the pounding pain that is from me thinking too much... but also divert some from wanting to read it too much.
damn life suck sometimes
so beware that for some this may make people angry... some wont care... some wont know what i mean... and some wont even read it!
if anyone were to care... or wonder... or anything... i have decided that my joining myspace was a drastic error on my part... yes... it did help me get in contact with friends and see what the site was like, but it also helps bring to mind how big of an asshole i have been and how many people probably hate/dislike/want to kick me in the balls.... rihgt about now.
honestly, i suppose that i can understnad this opinion of me... and for those of you who dont have that opinion of me then thanks :) its always nice to not have someone hating me.
now... i know that not everyone hates me, and in fact it may just be my own insecurities that are telling me that everyone hates me... but still its a disconcerting feeling all the same and i wish it would stop... i dont know how it ever would... or why... or anything like that... all i know is that i feel like shit for making the girl i jsut broke up with a little while ago ... feel... well... bad. cause i know what that feels like, and i dont know what to do. im letting her come to terms with it, and if she ever decides that she doesnt hate me then cool! it would even be nice if we can stay friends in the end of it all because she really is a cool girl and a great person... it simply just wasnt working out as a relationship.
i dont know if anyone actually reads this anymore since i havent posted in forever... and i kind of hope that not too many people do... but im posting this because i cnat bear saying nothing to anyone... and therefore i have decided to say whatever the fucking hell is on my mind at this very singular point in time to the vast majority of the world... most of which do not know i exist and therefor would not care if i felt this way.
to all those out there that read this... what i have written here and what follows may or may not apply to you. if it does then ok, if it doesnt.. .the whoop-de-doo... but im sayin it anyways whether or not i change someones mind... make them feel better/worse... i dont care... im just in a typing kind of mood and a "i dont give a shit kind of mood" so too bad.
1 - yes breaking up with my girlfriend was an asshole thing to do.. but it would have been worse if i had tried to stick with it, nothing good comes of attempting to be something that i am not
2- yes, im sure that breaking up with her has caused a bunch of her friends to dislike me to various extents.. which i can understand, though apparently not all of them hate me? if so i would like to know which ones do... it wont change my opinion of them at all... it would simply be nice to know so that i can stop worrying about it ( after all... i dont exactly have the longest list of friends as it is) and also i know that having each and every person i know tell me whether or not they hate me is not going to happen... but still this is me thinking these tihngs here... and often ive found myself unrealistic
3- yes... i do feel like shit about what i did because it made her feel bad... and yes... also at the very same time i do not regret what i did in the least... i may regret what kind of boyfriend i was because honestly i wasnt that great of a boyfriend in my opinion... but still... i did what i had to do for ME and since there werent any objections from her... then i can simply assume that it was the best choice... and my only real viable choice
4- if what i have written here has caused everyone that didnt, by some miracle of the higher powers that may be, hate me ... now start to hate me... then well... shit... it wasnt exactly the point of me writing this... and well... thats just my luck
im sorry for those of you who may happen to have me in your friends pages and this whole thing is taking up space... and annoying the crap out of everyone... i was hopeing that by making it so long.. not only would it relieve the pounding pain that is from me thinking too much... but also divert some from wanting to read it too much.
damn life suck sometimes