(no subject)
i am so sad right now about jason and his mysterious transformation, that i read my journal back to when we started. it's devastating. it makes me want to vomit. over the course of our relationship, he became a complete stranger. sadly, or maybe luckily, i'm not the only person close to him who noticed this. near the end, i was clinging onto the past so bad, that i didn't even realize he just was not the same. at some points, he was just downright mean to me. and even acknowledged his wrongdoing. i don't know if i played a part in this big change. i don't know what exactly triggered it. or if it's just natural evolution of his personality. but i hope that he'll stick to his roots. he could have anything he needs or desires in this world. he's the hardest working man i've ever known. he is absolutely so deserving of any success that may come his way. his family is amazing and so are the majority of his friends. he taught me so much about life, happiness, sadness, and myself. that is why he is so important to me. i miss him dearly. i need my friend back. the happy, charismatic guy who did not give a fuck, just like me. but i need to find myself first. i need to figure out why i changed so much. love is a crazy, crazy thing. maybe down the line, he and i will get back to what we were. maybe he'll always be just a friend. it will take time. a long time. hopefully i won't be too anxious.
fuck him fuck him fuck him
fuck him fuck him fuck him