ugh.

[hisfinallament]

i really do not like how this stuff hits me so swiftly.
like a freight train passes through the city.
everything culminating at once.
every minor failure being blown out of proportion.
i just want this show to follow through so I can play drums for the first time since my sophmore year.
and, yes... i did play drums for things, but not like this.
and for some reason, i just hope i can get a recording of it so i can show people that i am better than most.
and not to do it to be offensive, or a jerk, but to make a point.
when people passed over me for someone else.
this is my turn.
and through all of this... I can say that I am thankful for the friends that i have made here.
they have kept me grounded more than they probably know.
it's like my life is a lot easier when they are around.
whatever problem I have is gone because i have that companionship keeping me afloat.
some friendships here have become stronger than i thought they would.
they keep me through the times that i never thought i'd make it through.

i've had the opportunity, well the idea, to get an apartment with two people here.
at a really great rate.
it would only last until bobby got married, but then ryan and i could probably get our own place.
or maybe i'd be at chapman after that.
i dont know.

there are thousands of questions circling my head and heart right now, and I wish the answers could be plain as day.
if that were the case though, life would be easy and that is not how life is intended to be.