LJ back in action....as usual i need to vent

Jan 25, 2006 21:40

ok so its starting to seem like all of my friends have these AMAZING siblings who love them so much and care so much about them. Pretty much all of my friends are older sisters or older brothers, and i see then interact with their little brothers/sisters and they're so great to them. They take up for them but at the same time live their own life, they teach them about stuff, hang out with them and include them in things that they do every day and are just all around great big siblings (i'm tired of writing both things). Not one of my friends has an older sibling that never wants anything to do with them or talks bad about them (i mean REALLY bad) or tells they're boyfriends or husbands or friends all about their siblings problems...they're good people and they're easy to talk to. its like, ok, u know how someone once said 'a sister is a forever friend' or whatever. Well, that has never been the case with me and my sister. We've NEVER been friends. in fact, we've always probably been the farthest from friends that you can get. I've never been able to talk to her about anything because she couldnt keep it between us. And usually she'd ridicule me for it too. She's always yelling at me for something and she's done everything but flee the country to get away from our family...she NEVER keeps her promises to me (not that she ever did) but still, you'd think for once she would...of course you'd think for once she'd think, hey maybe i should try to go to my sisters play/dance concert/chorus concert and show even an ounce of interest in her life. but no, she'd rather stay home and screw her stupid husband or something. She keeps her son, my nephew aka my reason to live, away from us unless she doesnt feel like taking care of him for a weekend in that case he either comes over here or to his drunk great grandma or his drunk grandpas house...usually one of the other too....i just wish for once she'd get it....I know that God puts us into a certain family for a reason, but honestly, my sister hasnt really done anything to help me. I mean, what i've needed for the past 16 years of my life is a sister i can count on, and i've never found that. Maybe that's why i tend to hang out with the older people at Eastern and at church and stuff....because i never really had a big sister/brother that i could count on. But the sad thing is, i've gotten so attatched to alot of the seniors at eastern (elizabeth, lauren, anna, katie, christie, corey, etc) and now in less than a year they're all gonna leave and i'll be left alone again...of course, i have a few good friends who are currently juniors, but that just means i'll go through the samething next year as well. I'm not saying that i dont love my sister, i do, with all of my heart, but she's really not even a sister to me. she's more like a chick who just happens to have some of the genes that i do. All i'm saying is that well, i just...idk....i dont know how to explain it. My sister has just let me down...the only thing that i really want to do that she did was be in madrigals...thats the ONLY reason i want to be in that class....i wouldnt tell ms collings this but i cried when i didnt make it...ME! Crying over not making something....the worst thing is, i know that i wont ever be in madrigals because ms collings really doesnt like me at all...and that is honestly partially my sisters fault but about 70% my fault. I try to respect ms collings i really do but its so hard because she looks at me and she sees austi, thats all. and apparently, austi was a bit of a...um witch...to her so, she takes that out on me.......but i wish that i could just be in madrigals....i know it may not seem like a big deal but, it is to me.........Idk......i need to think/sleep/read so i'm gonna go......

Nicole
Previous post Next post
Up