hisaxjiro fic
*cough* another fic...
Pairing : hisashixjiro
Title : becouse Im still...
Author : mitsuki
Genre : slash/yaoi
Type : A.N.G.S.T
Warning : This one fic is inspired in Ayumi Hamazaki's precious song -Carols- (the lyrics in english are here), Im not really a fan of her, but the song is very nice. Please, if you have this one song in your compy, listen while you read the fic, and you can listen koi too...
----------
From the window of my room I can see the snow fall down non-stop. My hand rises up to the frozen glass of the window.
I feel cold, a cold that dont disappear. My heart is cold too, because you arent here … The snow falls down in the middle of the streets of the city and the happy people walk buying the Christmas gifts.
My mind feels empty, I cant to think more. Already you arent with me. You went away for my fault, why didnt know like being kept with me … I know that I damaged you, but now already its too much late to change what I did, to arrange everything. All my mistakes, the lies, the pain that I caused you … everything is my fault.
Do you remember the first day we met even now?
You looked abashed, hanging your head
And turning your eyes away
I wonder when such a manner became so dear to me
It makes me feel a little nostalgic
Don't you feel so?
If could go back in the time that we were happy … together, always together … when you stayed with me. You, with your happiness, smiling sweetly, saying to me that always you that stay with me there was nothing and nobody would separate us … and now … Only I can remember, remember all the moments that I spent passed with you. Your love, your happiness, your caresses, your kisses … done so much of less having to my side … can caress your skin in the morning, when you were waking up in my bed after making love …
Many seasons have passed by
With quick steps since then
When the white snow colors the city
Let me stay by your side
Though I may bother you
Again and again
We talked overnight about our future and the moments
I felt they were so dazzling
And precious
Why was I so stupid?! Why did I can you to go?! Why!! These questions appear in my mind every night and it breaks the soul. Still I can see your tears when I said to you that everything finished, that I already didnt love you… your beautiful face overcast of an uncontrollable current of tears. Holded me strongly and you said to me that you were not understanding anything, that you still loved me! What excusing you for everything, that you would do the possible thing for recovers my love … God… you dont know what I suffer while saw you to beg myself and to fall apart in tears … then, I had to say to you that I was going to marrying in a few weeks. Across your eyes I saw your heart to break in thousands of pieces … You remained silently for some moments and went away. I feeled my heart to die when you closed the door of my apartment that night …you never knew the tears that were going out of my eyes … But, I had to do it. I could not allow that what more I loved in my life should suffer for my! I wanted that you were happy … that you were happy having a normal life, with a woman and children. I couldnt give you it, you knew it, but you wanted to continue being with me, still not being able to give the happiness that you deserve, to know still that we might never have a normal life, always meeting furtively, you loved me.
Its because that I had to lie you this night … and not only this night, in the next weeks you still were looking at me with these imploring eyes. It was as if you did not believe me, was all a nightmare for you, and not only for you, was for my too. You couldnt believe that I was to marrying her, and that had lie you, but when I was looking at you with my cold look feigned … always you were apologizing to Takuro and were going away of the study for awhile. I wasnt up to two weeks after our break that I knew to where you were going whenever this was happening. You were going to cry … or god … you know how Im hurts when I looking you this way? Crying for my damned coldness and nonchalance towards you … You didnt know that whenever you were crying I was crying with you … for not being able hold you, for not being able to say to you that everything was a lie, for not being able to say to you that I loved you…
Tears welled up in my eyes
When I thought it would be nice
That I could forgive my past some day
When the white snow melts
And the city becomes vivid and colorful
I like to keep you closest
To my heart
Finally the day of my wedding came, I didnt want you were coming, was not wishing to see me marrying her. You dont know as I was wishing the person who was to my side was in the altar to be you. But you came … and into your eyes had changed something. You approached to my after the ceremony said to me that you were wishing all the happiness for me. Happiness. Didnt you know that I only can be happy with you? Still now, when you near me in the study, still in the lives, its the only thing that gives me happiness in my wretched life.
The months passed and was still tormenting myself silently. Izumi knew that I didnt love her, but she wasnt saying to myself nothing. She really knew that Im loving you the day that came the invitation in house. Was yours, you were marrying a girl called Reiko. When I read that damned chunk of paper my world broke. I couldnt prevent the tears falling down non-stop. My legs slackened and I was fell down slowly on the flor with the paper wrinkled in my hand. My Jiro … my love … you were going to marry … had lost you forever … I did all for was happening it, she was better for you, you had to be happy with a woman who loved you and was making you happy.
I must to be happy for you, becouse you would be happy, but … this pain in my heart was so strong that I couldnt go to your wedding. I didnt want to see you in another person hands that werent mine. This day I realized the great mistake that had committed, had left you to go forever.
A few days later, Izumi said to me that she was going away, maybe would be better for me that she went away and that I was free for to do what wanted. I understood the hint of her words, but I am a damned coward who alone can be here, only, opposite to my window looking the people passing and remembering, only reminding you.
The days we couldn't understand each other and parted
The days of tears, the days of smiling faces
Whatever may happen and whatever mood you may be in
I'll always accept you
---------------------------------
oh well... i dont know if end the story here or no... and please, post me and say me youre opinion >.
Pairing : hisashixjiro
Title : becouse Im still...
Author : mitsuki
Genre : slash/yaoi
Type : A.N.G.S.T
Warning : This one fic is inspired in Ayumi Hamazaki's precious song -Carols- (the lyrics in english are here), Im not really a fan of her, but the song is very nice. Please, if you have this one song in your compy, listen while you read the fic, and you can listen koi too...
----------
From the window of my room I can see the snow fall down non-stop. My hand rises up to the frozen glass of the window.
I feel cold, a cold that dont disappear. My heart is cold too, because you arent here … The snow falls down in the middle of the streets of the city and the happy people walk buying the Christmas gifts.
My mind feels empty, I cant to think more. Already you arent with me. You went away for my fault, why didnt know like being kept with me … I know that I damaged you, but now already its too much late to change what I did, to arrange everything. All my mistakes, the lies, the pain that I caused you … everything is my fault.
Do you remember the first day we met even now?
You looked abashed, hanging your head
And turning your eyes away
I wonder when such a manner became so dear to me
It makes me feel a little nostalgic
Don't you feel so?
If could go back in the time that we were happy … together, always together … when you stayed with me. You, with your happiness, smiling sweetly, saying to me that always you that stay with me there was nothing and nobody would separate us … and now … Only I can remember, remember all the moments that I spent passed with you. Your love, your happiness, your caresses, your kisses … done so much of less having to my side … can caress your skin in the morning, when you were waking up in my bed after making love …
Many seasons have passed by
With quick steps since then
When the white snow colors the city
Let me stay by your side
Though I may bother you
Again and again
We talked overnight about our future and the moments
I felt they were so dazzling
And precious
Why was I so stupid?! Why did I can you to go?! Why!! These questions appear in my mind every night and it breaks the soul. Still I can see your tears when I said to you that everything finished, that I already didnt love you… your beautiful face overcast of an uncontrollable current of tears. Holded me strongly and you said to me that you were not understanding anything, that you still loved me! What excusing you for everything, that you would do the possible thing for recovers my love … God… you dont know what I suffer while saw you to beg myself and to fall apart in tears … then, I had to say to you that I was going to marrying in a few weeks. Across your eyes I saw your heart to break in thousands of pieces … You remained silently for some moments and went away. I feeled my heart to die when you closed the door of my apartment that night …you never knew the tears that were going out of my eyes … But, I had to do it. I could not allow that what more I loved in my life should suffer for my! I wanted that you were happy … that you were happy having a normal life, with a woman and children. I couldnt give you it, you knew it, but you wanted to continue being with me, still not being able to give the happiness that you deserve, to know still that we might never have a normal life, always meeting furtively, you loved me.
Its because that I had to lie you this night … and not only this night, in the next weeks you still were looking at me with these imploring eyes. It was as if you did not believe me, was all a nightmare for you, and not only for you, was for my too. You couldnt believe that I was to marrying her, and that had lie you, but when I was looking at you with my cold look feigned … always you were apologizing to Takuro and were going away of the study for awhile. I wasnt up to two weeks after our break that I knew to where you were going whenever this was happening. You were going to cry … or god … you know how Im hurts when I looking you this way? Crying for my damned coldness and nonchalance towards you … You didnt know that whenever you were crying I was crying with you … for not being able hold you, for not being able to say to you that everything was a lie, for not being able to say to you that I loved you…
Tears welled up in my eyes
When I thought it would be nice
That I could forgive my past some day
When the white snow melts
And the city becomes vivid and colorful
I like to keep you closest
To my heart
Finally the day of my wedding came, I didnt want you were coming, was not wishing to see me marrying her. You dont know as I was wishing the person who was to my side was in the altar to be you. But you came … and into your eyes had changed something. You approached to my after the ceremony said to me that you were wishing all the happiness for me. Happiness. Didnt you know that I only can be happy with you? Still now, when you near me in the study, still in the lives, its the only thing that gives me happiness in my wretched life.
The months passed and was still tormenting myself silently. Izumi knew that I didnt love her, but she wasnt saying to myself nothing. She really knew that Im loving you the day that came the invitation in house. Was yours, you were marrying a girl called Reiko. When I read that damned chunk of paper my world broke. I couldnt prevent the tears falling down non-stop. My legs slackened and I was fell down slowly on the flor with the paper wrinkled in my hand. My Jiro … my love … you were going to marry … had lost you forever … I did all for was happening it, she was better for you, you had to be happy with a woman who loved you and was making you happy.
I must to be happy for you, becouse you would be happy, but … this pain in my heart was so strong that I couldnt go to your wedding. I didnt want to see you in another person hands that werent mine. This day I realized the great mistake that had committed, had left you to go forever.
A few days later, Izumi said to me that she was going away, maybe would be better for me that she went away and that I was free for to do what wanted. I understood the hint of her words, but I am a damned coward who alone can be here, only, opposite to my window looking the people passing and remembering, only reminding you.
The days we couldn't understand each other and parted
The days of tears, the days of smiling faces
Whatever may happen and whatever mood you may be in
I'll always accept you
---------------------------------
oh well... i dont know if end the story here or no... and please, post me and say me youre opinion >.