{Fic} Haru Haru ~Days by Days~ Part I
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Leave…
Finally I’ve realize…
That I’m nothing without you…
I was wrong, forgive me…
The sound of the wave hitting the shore and the cold wind blowing softly can somehow relax his mind. With an empty steps, Kazu walk along the beach…alone. If only those waves can take his loneliness away…
Ne,Jin…It’s been a year now, hasn’t it? How are you right now? Are you happy with him? I hope you do…
My broken heart is like a wave
My shaken heart is like a wind
My heart vanished like a smoke
It can’t be removed like a tattoo
I sigh deeply as if a ground is going to cave in
Only dusts are piled up in my mind.
(Say Goodbye…)
[A year before]
Both men were standing while facing each other. Tears were running down their cheeks while their hands were clenched with anger and pain.
“Why? Why Jin? Just fucking tells me why?!”
“Are you serious Kazu? You ask me why?? You don’t even care about me, that’s why! I’m standing by your side every single day just hoping that you would at least notice me. I’ve always look at you but you didn’t even glance at me...I’m trying my best to get your attention every single day, Kazu. But you never notice me. For God sake, I’m your lover! But you never treat me as one! You always choose your work instead of me…I feel like I’ve been push aside…Did you even care for me, Kazu?”
“I do care for you! You know that this relationship will not be accepted! That’s why I want us to keep it as a secret. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, Jin”
“Love isn’t only about the word, Kazu. Action speaks louder than words. You say that you love me but you never show it. I’m sick of waiting. I want to be love. And he give me that love..”
“Please…don’t leave…I love you….Please..I miss you,Jin…stay with me..”
“Good bye Kazu..” .That’s the last word Kazu hear before the door shut and leaving him fall down on his knees..
I thought I wouldn’t be able to live even one day without you
But somehow I managed to live longer than I thought
You don’t answer anything as I cry out “I miss you”
I hope for a vain expectation but now it’s useless..
Kazu watch as the sun start to fading from the skies, giving the moon a chance to appear. He was ready to leave also but the scenery in front of him freezing his steps. There, in front of him is the man he loves the most..the man that he’s been missing in every single minutes…but that said man is standing besides someone else… and he saw them hugging lovingly…without even notice he’s there watching them with a broken heart and tears in his eyes..
What about that person next to you, did he make you cry?
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
I am worried; I feel anxiety because I can’t get close nor try to talk to you.
I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thought a thousand times
Don’t look back and leave
Don’t find me again and live on
Because I have no regrets from loving you
Take only the good memory
I can bear it in some way
I can stand in some way
You should be happy if you are like this
Days by Days
I become dull..
Oh girl…I cry..cry..
You’re my all..
Say goodbye..
He never plans on meeting Jin ever again. After he saw them at the beach 2 weeks ago, he was planning to move on. He keeps on telling himself that he should let go now as Jin is happy with his life; a life without Kazu in it. But destiny seems to be playing a trick on him. He was walking down the street when he saw Jin crossing the road and suddenly their eyes met. Both of them stop in their track and stood there just looking at each other. Somehow, Kazu’s heart feels hurt. He can see a trace of tears and sadness in those brown orbs he loves the most. It all happens in a split second. All he can see now is Jin lying on the road with blood scattered everywhere. He quickly rushes toward Jin while screaming for him.
If we pass by each other on the street
Act like you didn’t see me and go the way you were walking to
If you keep thinking about our past memories
I might go look for you secretly..
The time seems to be passing slowly for both of the man standing in front of the emergency operation room.
“I’m Yamashita, Jin’s lover. Thank you for bringing my lover to hospital. I owed you for this.”
Yes, the man standing in front of him now is Jin’s lover. The person that has took Jin from him. He try to put his best smile on his face hoping that the other won’t notice its fakeness. No, this man shouldn’t know his past with Jin.
“Hajimameshite. I’m Kamenashi. I hope you’ll be patience. I believe he’ll be okay. I’m glad that I can help him.Let’s just pray that he’s safe, okay?”
“You such a nice person, Kamenashi-san. I wouldn’t know what to do if you’re not here today. Somehow, having someone to talk to in this situation is a relief.”
“Please call me Kazuki.”
You’re right Yamashita-san. Having someone to talk to in this time is a relief. Moreover, we’re loving the same person whose fighting for his life now in there. God, please save him. I’m willing to do anything….Just please save him….
When the light of the sign of operation room is off, both of the man rush toward the doctor that just came out from there.
“How is him, doctor?”
“He’s in stable condition now. But please be prepared for the worst. The possibility of him losing his eyesight is 90%. Moreover, he might need to undergo treatment in order for him to walk again.”
Those words have left both of them weak.
“What should I do now,Kazuki-san? Jin…he’s….he’s blind now…and cripple? This isn’t happening isn’t it?”
“What are you saying Yamashita-san?! You should be happy that he still alive. If he’s blind, then let him see through your eyes. Don’t you hear what the doctor have said? He can walk if he undergoes treatment.” Kazu’s heart is boiled with anger now. Why did this man say as if Jin is a burden now? Don’t they love each other?!
It’s been a week now since the accident. Since the moment Jin realizes that he’s blind and cripple, he has become a different person. He always get angry and refuse to eat. It’s heartbreaking to see the man he loves become so helpless like that. Jin never knew that Kazu is the person that saves him on that day. Heck, he didn’t even remember that he met Kazu on the accident days. And he didn’t even know that the man who has been visiting him each day is Kazu. Today, the same things happen again. Jin being stubborn not wanting to eat his meal again and it seems like Yamashita has lost his patience.
“What is wrong with you, Jin? Why did you make this hard for us?! I’m trying to help you but you keep rejecting it! What did you want me to do?! I’ve been sacrifices my time just to come and see you but you always know how to annoyed me with your bratty attitude!”
“If I annoyed you that much, then just leave! I don’t ask you to come anyway!”
“Fine, suit yourself! I’m leaving! Don’t ever hope that you’ll see me again!” with that, Yamapi left from the room without realizing that Jin is crying and Kazu is watching everything clearly. A loud thud is heard when Jin angrily throw his plate of meal onto the floor. Kazu can clearly see how hurtful it was for Jin. Slowly,he bend down and pick up the tray and clean the foods that scattered on the floor.
“You shouldn’t be throwing food, Akanishi-san.Did you know that there are a lot of people who would kill just to get something to eat?” jin turn his face away avoiding the direction of the voice.
“What are you doing here,Kazuki-san. We barely know each other. You don’t need to visit me every day. Even the people that claim to love me get fed up of me.”
“I don’t have anything else to do also. It’ll be bored if I don’t talk to you. Today, I want you to try my strawberry shortcake. This is my first time making it. So I want you to give me your opinion on it.”
“Seriously,don’t you ever feel tired? Coming here each day and forcing me to try your cooking every single day?”
“No,because I made it for the person I care for. Now,eat this!”
“Geez…you such a demanding princess. For God sake,you’re a guy! Why did you have to cook for him?”
“Because I like to see him eat and getting fat. Hehehe..”
“You’re a weird guy,Kazuki. But that man must be a lucky man. To have his lover cooking for him every day. Moreover,he didn’t have to worry about food poisoning since I’ve try all of the cooking beforehand. If there’s a poison in it,I’ll die first.” Those statement have made Kazu laugh so hardly that his face become so red. Listening to Kazuki laughter reminds Jin of someone he knew. And somehow, those laughter can ease his pain bit by bit. A smile is form on Jin’s lip and seeing it make Kazu’s heart feel relieve.
Yamapi haven’t come to visit Jin for a week already. Kazu can see how painful it was for Jin. He’s missing him but he trying to act like he can live without him. Just like Kazu always did back then when Jin left him. So he decide to do something about it.
“Jin-kun,I’ve got something for you. Here!” A bouquet of flowers is shove onto Jin’s lap. He bring those flowers to his nose and sniff it.
“Roses? From who?”
“ From Yamashita-san. He asked me to give it to you. He says that he’s very sorry for everything that he’s done and also for not telling you that he have some work abroad for a month. That’s why he cannot come and visit you. As soon as he come back to Japan,he’ll come and see you. He says that you should be strong and go to treatment regularly so by the time he get back, you can welcome him in a healthy condition.”
“Really? Did he really say that?” A smile of hope is form on Jin face.
“Yes. So now,lets go to the treatment room. Practice make perfect isn’t it?” I didn’t mean to lie to you,Jin. But that’s the only way to make you smile.
“Kazuki,I want to go to the garden. Can we go to the treatment tomorrow? Let’s practice outside”
“Sure,why not.”
They choose to sit under a tree while facing the water pond in the garden.
“Ne,can I call you Kazu?” The bottle in Kazu’s hand almost dropped when he heard Jin says that.
“Wh..why?”he ask nervously.
“Because I want to. You’ve remind me of someone I knew. And his name is Kazu as well. Somehow, being with you feels like as if I’m with him.”
“Who’s this Kazu are you talking about? Care to tell me about him?”kazu says pretending not to know the said person.
“He’s someone precious to me. My first love..” he can see Jin smile gently while saying those words which has made him feel like hugging him there at that moment.
“He was the most beautiful person I ever met, very hardworking guy that has a smile of an angel. I always like to watch him because by watching him make me feel like I’m in heaven. But he never looks at me the way I look at him. That’s why we break up. At that moment, I keep on praying that he’ll stop me from leaving. But he didn’t. .. That’s when I realize that he didn’t need me as much as I need him…”
Without Jin notice, Kazuya have been crying silently in front of him.
I do care,Jin…You didn’t know how painful it was back then…
“But Yamapi was there at that time… He give me loves..And happiness..”
Always be happy with him, so I won’t ever get a different mind
Even smallest regret won’t be left out over
Please live well as if I should feel jealous
You should always be like that bright sky, like that white cloud
Yes you should always smile like that as if nothing happened
A month has pass after the incident that left Jin blind and cripple. Now,he’s back in his apartment with Kazu’s help. Jin starts to doubt that Yamapi still love him since the said man didn’t show up even once in this one month. But Kazu keeps on assuring him and he keeps telling Jin lies such as Yamapi is too busy with his work,yamapi has call when Jin was asleep, so on and so forth.
Jin chooses to believe in whatever Kazu has told him. All the message from Yamapi is passed by Kazu. He realize how in just a few weeks, he has become very close to this Kazuki. Kazu always there every minute he needs someone to hold on to. He never stops encouraging him and giving him hopes whether in his therapy session or regarding Yamapi. Even though they barely know each other, somehow,he feel warmth and safe with this Kazu. He wonders how this Kazuki looks like. The only Kazu he knew is the most beautiful person he ever remembers. But the way they treat him is different. Kazuya never show his affection toward him while this Kazuki is very friendly and caring toward him. Jin realize that he start to fall in love with Kazuki days by days. But, knowing that Kazuki already have someone he loves, Jin kept the feeling to himself. Somehow, he still hopes for Yamapi to come back. Moreover, he knew he’s not suit to be with Kazuki. He’s going to be a burden to him. Even until now, he’s been depending to Kazuki too much. That’s why he promises to himself that he’s going to walk again no matter what. The therapy he’s undergoing has shown a positive result. He has been able to stand on his own feet now even though he can barely walk. And all this thank to Kazuki.
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~ Part II~