No Longer, Louisville
No Longer Louisville
------------------------------
I find you
in the desolate gas station lots
where we broke change to pump air into broken tires.
I find you
in the windows down
favorite songs we used to sing
like splitting breath.
I find you
in all the plans never carried out,
the endless writing I used to produce.
That bitter broken joyous laugh.
I find you
in the moments
where I turn my head
expecting your reaction to mirror my own.
I find you
in the empty hallways
and the bottoms
of bottles or beer cans.
I find you
in all the punctured memories
I can't seem to give away.
The rooftop leg
hanging across the edge,
the endless miles of road,
the midnight swim
with my birthday spreading across my cheeks bashful and hoping you meant it.
I find you
in the desolate cigarette burns
marking endless forever X's
across the map of my body,
in the exact flavor of pabst,
in the drown of the ocean.
In the way you showed your teeth,
in the open mouth all-in way you'd sleep,
in all my favorite puns and secrets
I could never keep.
In car wrecks
and shots without chasers.
The cigarette butts left in my door shelf,
in every new song I hear
wondering if you would have loved it too.
In the endless lines we talktalktalked till morning or glory come.
And all those ephemeral firsts
that can't be taken back.
In my cigarette packs,
still too full because
I can't give them away anymore.
In the cold of my body
falling into dream beside anyone else.
In the way I can't organize a shelf,
or string a cascade of lights.
The way my eyes never see a room,
a person, a place
the way they did when I had the blessing
of looking through yours as well as my own--stereoscopic visions.
In the books you'll never finish
bearing forever the dogearred mark
where
we
stopped
talking.
To say I miss you
is rough math.
An off harmony choir verse.
To say I miss you
is like letting off the gas
in full descent.
How could I miss you
when I'm surrounded by you?!
How could I miss you
when I continually find you
every where my feet or fingers fall.
No.
It is a body never breathing,
it is shell with no heart.
I miss the rhythmic beat
of making new memories with you,
because you were always
my favorite waking day,
my favorite part of each rising sun.
But I cast spells to turn the night pitch,
and shed my eyes
when I traded the sun
for the waning moon.
I fixed a fever in my bones
by not letting go,
and now I rattle wishing
I'd been better at moving
with the river's restless flow.
Sink or swim,
I'm glad I felt the emphatic rush of the water anyway.
------------------------------
I find you
in the desolate gas station lots
where we broke change to pump air into broken tires.
I find you
in the windows down
favorite songs we used to sing
like splitting breath.
I find you
in all the plans never carried out,
the endless writing I used to produce.
That bitter broken joyous laugh.
I find you
in the moments
where I turn my head
expecting your reaction to mirror my own.
I find you
in the empty hallways
and the bottoms
of bottles or beer cans.
I find you
in all the punctured memories
I can't seem to give away.
The rooftop leg
hanging across the edge,
the endless miles of road,
the midnight swim
with my birthday spreading across my cheeks bashful and hoping you meant it.
I find you
in the desolate cigarette burns
marking endless forever X's
across the map of my body,
in the exact flavor of pabst,
in the drown of the ocean.
In the way you showed your teeth,
in the open mouth all-in way you'd sleep,
in all my favorite puns and secrets
I could never keep.
In car wrecks
and shots without chasers.
The cigarette butts left in my door shelf,
in every new song I hear
wondering if you would have loved it too.
In the endless lines we talktalktalked till morning or glory come.
And all those ephemeral firsts
that can't be taken back.
In my cigarette packs,
still too full because
I can't give them away anymore.
In the cold of my body
falling into dream beside anyone else.
In the way I can't organize a shelf,
or string a cascade of lights.
The way my eyes never see a room,
a person, a place
the way they did when I had the blessing
of looking through yours as well as my own--stereoscopic visions.
In the books you'll never finish
bearing forever the dogearred mark
where
we
stopped
talking.
To say I miss you
is rough math.
An off harmony choir verse.
To say I miss you
is like letting off the gas
in full descent.
How could I miss you
when I'm surrounded by you?!
How could I miss you
when I continually find you
every where my feet or fingers fall.
No.
It is a body never breathing,
it is shell with no heart.
I miss the rhythmic beat
of making new memories with you,
because you were always
my favorite waking day,
my favorite part of each rising sun.
But I cast spells to turn the night pitch,
and shed my eyes
when I traded the sun
for the waning moon.
I fixed a fever in my bones
by not letting go,
and now I rattle wishing
I'd been better at moving
with the river's restless flow.
Sink or swim,
I'm glad I felt the emphatic rush of the water anyway.