(no subject)
Remember the good old days when J-rock was still cool? Well, I guess it still is, but it's cool amongst a less desirable group, tainted by my not being in said group. For God knows what reason, I was curious as to what Hyde was up to these days. Thus, I did what anybody in my situation would do: I Wiki'd it. Apparently, he's doing a lot of solo shit with a back-up band called VAMPS. They have a video on Youtube, and it's piss bad. Well, with the exception of Hyde looking damned sexy in the beginning. So, seeing if he had anything good and new out was a failed experiment, but it led me back to his old L'arc~en~Ciel stuff. At least that was still good. Actually, that's an understatement; they fucking rape. Well, that's a hyperbole. I guess those two statements cancel out, then. Take the average of "pretty good" and "fucking rape," and you'll get the general idea. I can still see why I loved them so much, and for a while, I loved them again. But still, it wasn't the same; my love was only a weak reflection of what it once was. It happens to everything, really. You obsess and move on; tree-climbing, Jolly Ranchers, Runescape - you swear to yourself there are things that you'll never give up, that'll accompany you to the grave, but next thing you know, you're reminiscing about them. Years later, you wonder to yourself, did I really like Pokemon that much? I guess loving something forever is just asking too much of yourself.
Speaking of "fucking rape" and childhood memories-- huh. I should rephrase that. Oh well. Anyway, speaking of those two things, I don't feel as intensely as I did when I was little. I remember Exciting Event Eves, where I'd stay up half the night... being excited. A birthday party would come up, and I'd struggle with myself, force myself not to think about it so I could rest. I never won. Obsession has also changed. Before, it was more like total immersion into a different world. I would dedicate myself to searching for details about Card Captor Sakura's every costume. I was a slave of trivial information about trivial things. My Harry Potter phase could only be classified as dangerous, as I would be in physical pain after I finished a newly released book. Thankfully, it was slightly dulled by the Vicodin of my youth -- fanfiction. I still say that I'm obsessed with something when I like it a lot, but it's really not on the same level of intensity. I haven't religiously Googled something in a long time, at least. Sure, I like David Sedaris, but I haven't attempted to find writings from his childhood yet. And even if I could meet him tomorrow, I'd still sleep well tonight. And that really isn't fun at all. Happiness, sadness, boredom -- they're still there, but the passing years turned down the volume. Days pass in a dull haze, and you wonder why nothing is as great as it used to be. This is probably why people look for excitement in strange places. After you realise you'll never discover another world behind your mirror, realise your wishes to solve mysterious crimes in nineteenth-century England are in vain (but God knows you keep wishing,) you start thinking that jumping out of a small aeroplane is a great idea. For me, though, I'll just continue revisiting my childhood from time to time. I'll stop by a playground, read some Lewis Caroll, listen to Laruku. And for a short while, I'll feel like I'm in love again.
Speaking of "fucking rape" and childhood memories-- huh. I should rephrase that. Oh well. Anyway, speaking of those two things, I don't feel as intensely as I did when I was little. I remember Exciting Event Eves, where I'd stay up half the night... being excited. A birthday party would come up, and I'd struggle with myself, force myself not to think about it so I could rest. I never won. Obsession has also changed. Before, it was more like total immersion into a different world. I would dedicate myself to searching for details about Card Captor Sakura's every costume. I was a slave of trivial information about trivial things. My Harry Potter phase could only be classified as dangerous, as I would be in physical pain after I finished a newly released book. Thankfully, it was slightly dulled by the Vicodin of my youth -- fanfiction. I still say that I'm obsessed with something when I like it a lot, but it's really not on the same level of intensity. I haven't religiously Googled something in a long time, at least. Sure, I like David Sedaris, but I haven't attempted to find writings from his childhood yet. And even if I could meet him tomorrow, I'd still sleep well tonight. And that really isn't fun at all. Happiness, sadness, boredom -- they're still there, but the passing years turned down the volume. Days pass in a dull haze, and you wonder why nothing is as great as it used to be. This is probably why people look for excitement in strange places. After you realise you'll never discover another world behind your mirror, realise your wishes to solve mysterious crimes in nineteenth-century England are in vain (but God knows you keep wishing,) you start thinking that jumping out of a small aeroplane is a great idea. For me, though, I'll just continue revisiting my childhood from time to time. I'll stop by a playground, read some Lewis Caroll, listen to Laruku. And for a short while, I'll feel like I'm in love again.