(no subject)
What is love?
So I’ve been thinking about love a lot in the last few days. I’m trying to figure out what it is and why it happens.
Things between _myown_ and I have been going really well lately. We’ve both been putting more energy into our relationship and seem to be communicating better. But even a few months ago when we were battling things out at every turn, we both knew something: we love each other. (At one moment of our battling we said something like this
“Gah! We fight all the time! I can’t stand it!”
“Yes, but the person I most want to fight with is you.
“God, I love fighting with you too.”
How in the world did this happen? How is it that after years of being single and avoiding social situations, and then a string of unsuccessful relationships (both inside and outside the kinky scene) did I happen to find this person who works so well for me? This person who takes care of me, forces me to explore new parts of myself and the world, this person who is so compatible my version of D/s? How does that happen? Is it random? Is it fate? Am I deluding myself? Is it a matter of outlook? Or do we make it happen by working really hard?
I don’t know… but I like the result.
It does make going away to visit my family hard though. But I love my family as well and at times the two loves are conflicting. The love for my parents is forcing me to spend 9 days away from _myown_, which is the longest we’ve been apart since we started to date in August/September of last year.
But I did need to see my parents and I did need to come to our family’s place in New Hampshire. My great-grandmother bought a large parcel of land in New Hampshire in the 30s and my mother and her three sisters (and all their sundry offspring) co-own it. Right now there is a big debate amongst the family about handing the land over to an outside organization (the Nature Conservancy) so as to “protect” it. This, as you can imagine, is a very difficult debate and is on the brink of forcing my family to split up. My mother, father, sister, my brother-in-law, and I, generally, have the same viewpoint on the matter and my mother’s two sisters and their husbands are on the opposite side. Its been debated off and on for the past several years.
The end result is that there is a very serious risk that my mother and father may say good-bye to her sisters and leave this property. Through this debate is the entire question of family and what it means to be a family. My father has always felt like an outsider to these people for various reasons. My sister and I have inherited this somewhat but more so we have just never gotten to know my aunts and uncles. We see them for a few days each year but never talk or interact the rest of the year. They are Americans who live in all parts of the US. I don’t feel much love for any of these people. Can you really consider it a family if you don’t love each other? Are bloodlines really enough to love someone? Do you just decide to love people you are related to? Or do you have to have common experiences in order to build up the social interactions? Would I really hurt if I didn’t have to deal with these people anymore? This debate is hurting the enjoyment of the land… so maybe I just give up the land, and go vacation elsewhere where there aren’t hordes of people who want to fight all the time. But then again, they are my family and that is important.
While up here relaxing with my parents, I have been spending my time with my parents dog Sanook (it means “fun” in Thai). She is a Burnease Mountain Dog. During high school and up until my last year in university I had a Burnease Mountain Dog of my own named Sedrix. These two dogs look identical. They act identical as well. I’ve been looking for differences but I can’t find them. (This is a testament to just how over bred this breed is, it’s likely that Sanook and Sedrix are closely related even though they were born 15 years appart and in different provinces).
I find myself wanting to play with this dog and teach it things. Would I feel that way with any dog that my parents had? Is it just that Burnease Mountain Dogs are really cute and friendly? Or is it that my mind has a hard time seeing any physical differences between this dog and my old dog that I loved when it was alive, and so projects that love on this new creature? Is this fondness I feel just a biological reaction to a set of stimuli (the visional perception of this dog)? Considering how identical these two dogs are, even in behaviour, does that lend credence to the idea that my love for this dog is wired into me? Is love just a biological reaction?
Anyway… lots of questions this post… not many answers… and I doubt I’ll ever know any answers but its stuff I’m thinking about currently.
So I’ve been thinking about love a lot in the last few days. I’m trying to figure out what it is and why it happens.
Things between _myown_ and I have been going really well lately. We’ve both been putting more energy into our relationship and seem to be communicating better. But even a few months ago when we were battling things out at every turn, we both knew something: we love each other. (At one moment of our battling we said something like this
“Gah! We fight all the time! I can’t stand it!”
“Yes, but the person I most want to fight with is you.
“God, I love fighting with you too.”
How in the world did this happen? How is it that after years of being single and avoiding social situations, and then a string of unsuccessful relationships (both inside and outside the kinky scene) did I happen to find this person who works so well for me? This person who takes care of me, forces me to explore new parts of myself and the world, this person who is so compatible my version of D/s? How does that happen? Is it random? Is it fate? Am I deluding myself? Is it a matter of outlook? Or do we make it happen by working really hard?
I don’t know… but I like the result.
It does make going away to visit my family hard though. But I love my family as well and at times the two loves are conflicting. The love for my parents is forcing me to spend 9 days away from _myown_, which is the longest we’ve been apart since we started to date in August/September of last year.
But I did need to see my parents and I did need to come to our family’s place in New Hampshire. My great-grandmother bought a large parcel of land in New Hampshire in the 30s and my mother and her three sisters (and all their sundry offspring) co-own it. Right now there is a big debate amongst the family about handing the land over to an outside organization (the Nature Conservancy) so as to “protect” it. This, as you can imagine, is a very difficult debate and is on the brink of forcing my family to split up. My mother, father, sister, my brother-in-law, and I, generally, have the same viewpoint on the matter and my mother’s two sisters and their husbands are on the opposite side. Its been debated off and on for the past several years.
The end result is that there is a very serious risk that my mother and father may say good-bye to her sisters and leave this property. Through this debate is the entire question of family and what it means to be a family. My father has always felt like an outsider to these people for various reasons. My sister and I have inherited this somewhat but more so we have just never gotten to know my aunts and uncles. We see them for a few days each year but never talk or interact the rest of the year. They are Americans who live in all parts of the US. I don’t feel much love for any of these people. Can you really consider it a family if you don’t love each other? Are bloodlines really enough to love someone? Do you just decide to love people you are related to? Or do you have to have common experiences in order to build up the social interactions? Would I really hurt if I didn’t have to deal with these people anymore? This debate is hurting the enjoyment of the land… so maybe I just give up the land, and go vacation elsewhere where there aren’t hordes of people who want to fight all the time. But then again, they are my family and that is important.
While up here relaxing with my parents, I have been spending my time with my parents dog Sanook (it means “fun” in Thai). She is a Burnease Mountain Dog. During high school and up until my last year in university I had a Burnease Mountain Dog of my own named Sedrix. These two dogs look identical. They act identical as well. I’ve been looking for differences but I can’t find them. (This is a testament to just how over bred this breed is, it’s likely that Sanook and Sedrix are closely related even though they were born 15 years appart and in different provinces).
I find myself wanting to play with this dog and teach it things. Would I feel that way with any dog that my parents had? Is it just that Burnease Mountain Dogs are really cute and friendly? Or is it that my mind has a hard time seeing any physical differences between this dog and my old dog that I loved when it was alive, and so projects that love on this new creature? Is this fondness I feel just a biological reaction to a set of stimuli (the visional perception of this dog)? Considering how identical these two dogs are, even in behaviour, does that lend credence to the idea that my love for this dog is wired into me? Is love just a biological reaction?
Anyway… lots of questions this post… not many answers… and I doubt I’ll ever know any answers but its stuff I’m thinking about currently.