(no subject)
why is that i come off looking soooo angry in some situations where i honestly dont care, but then when i go into a blind rage, some people cant seem to notice.
in the last year of my life i have been told i have anger management issues alot. i am not denying this in anyway, but im not going to attend some stupid government funded hugfest so i can stop wanting to hit people. i like wanting to hit people and ~gasp~ what i like even more is hitting some people. i dont know what it is, have i allways been this way? there are stories from my childhood that i dont remember but were pretty violent and there were more than ten witnesses and school documents sent home about these things. i thought all of that was gone, in junior high i learn to take talk on the cheek, i learned that sometimes ignoring the situation will make it go away, and that if your going to get in trouble do it making love or making someone laugh. when i got into highschool, i was fairly quiet and widthdrawn more than before, i had stoped fighting all together and had adopted a peacefull budhist way of life.
Rachel came along almost the same time martial arts classes started and i still was not angry, i had the ability to defend and finally for the first time in my life i had a feeling in my soul that was strong enough that i would want to defend it. but within the last two years or so, i had to quit due to monitary issues, the relationship became rocky, not between rachel and i, but between the families, and then i began to learn what blind rage truely was...
the first time i saw her cry in pain...
my heart called for bloodshed. i wanted to kill. i wanted to kill anyone who would ever think of harming ones beloved. my hands reach out for various things around my house, my sword, the guns, my flail, my staff, any of them, my bare hands if need be. i just wanted to see red. i have never been the same since.
as the weeks go by, im finding my agression growing. while i am learning to curb it in some areas, others are getting worse.
a word to the wise look out for a navy blue 1987 four door delta 88 with a messed up front passenger side headlight and a poison mushroom ball on the tip of the antenna driving at night...
bright lights make me skittish...
in the last year of my life i have been told i have anger management issues alot. i am not denying this in anyway, but im not going to attend some stupid government funded hugfest so i can stop wanting to hit people. i like wanting to hit people and ~gasp~ what i like even more is hitting some people. i dont know what it is, have i allways been this way? there are stories from my childhood that i dont remember but were pretty violent and there were more than ten witnesses and school documents sent home about these things. i thought all of that was gone, in junior high i learn to take talk on the cheek, i learned that sometimes ignoring the situation will make it go away, and that if your going to get in trouble do it making love or making someone laugh. when i got into highschool, i was fairly quiet and widthdrawn more than before, i had stoped fighting all together and had adopted a peacefull budhist way of life.
Rachel came along almost the same time martial arts classes started and i still was not angry, i had the ability to defend and finally for the first time in my life i had a feeling in my soul that was strong enough that i would want to defend it. but within the last two years or so, i had to quit due to monitary issues, the relationship became rocky, not between rachel and i, but between the families, and then i began to learn what blind rage truely was...
the first time i saw her cry in pain...
my heart called for bloodshed. i wanted to kill. i wanted to kill anyone who would ever think of harming ones beloved. my hands reach out for various things around my house, my sword, the guns, my flail, my staff, any of them, my bare hands if need be. i just wanted to see red. i have never been the same since.
as the weeks go by, im finding my agression growing. while i am learning to curb it in some areas, others are getting worse.
a word to the wise look out for a navy blue 1987 four door delta 88 with a messed up front passenger side headlight and a poison mushroom ball on the tip of the antenna driving at night...
bright lights make me skittish...