(no subject)
I'm having one of those mellow feeling which gets to me at such a random time. You know, the kind of feeling that makes you worry about nothing and everything, making you feel so mellow and feeling like crying.
I know it will probably disappear tomorrow when I wake up, but I still can't sleep and the feeling just won't go away.
I feel like screaming and crying, and I don't even know the reason why this feeling suddenly appear. I have no problem that I can think of that might cause this feeling, apart from job hunting but even that don't worry me too much cos I'm just starting looking.
But now... I don't know, I have this deeply uneasy feeling, worrying about everything. And mostly, I worry about what I do in life. I worry that I might become a failure. That my dreams won't come true. That I won't be able to secure a good job that I can enjoy. That I won't be able to find that someone no matter how hard I look. I worry about ending up being someone so utterly different in a negative way than the person I think and dream myself to be. I worry of not being able to make my parents proud of me after all the efforts and the sacrifices and the sheer love that they have dedicated to me. I worry that my life would end up dull and meaningless.
I worry.
And it is such an unpleasant feeling. I like being able to be positive and upbeat. I hate hate hate feeling like this, it sucks.
It sucks also that my flatmates is away for a week and I'm alone. It makes this feeling worse.
Agh, I wish I could just sleep now. But I can't, am still wide awake, drowned in this fucking negative feeling and... gah!
I know it will probably disappear tomorrow when I wake up, but I still can't sleep and the feeling just won't go away.
I feel like screaming and crying, and I don't even know the reason why this feeling suddenly appear. I have no problem that I can think of that might cause this feeling, apart from job hunting but even that don't worry me too much cos I'm just starting looking.
But now... I don't know, I have this deeply uneasy feeling, worrying about everything. And mostly, I worry about what I do in life. I worry that I might become a failure. That my dreams won't come true. That I won't be able to secure a good job that I can enjoy. That I won't be able to find that someone no matter how hard I look. I worry about ending up being someone so utterly different in a negative way than the person I think and dream myself to be. I worry of not being able to make my parents proud of me after all the efforts and the sacrifices and the sheer love that they have dedicated to me. I worry that my life would end up dull and meaningless.
I worry.
And it is such an unpleasant feeling. I like being able to be positive and upbeat. I hate hate hate feeling like this, it sucks.
It sucks also that my flatmates is away for a week and I'm alone. It makes this feeling worse.
Agh, I wish I could just sleep now. But I can't, am still wide awake, drowned in this fucking negative feeling and... gah!