No Man Is an Island (Part 14)
Title: No Man Is an Island
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: None at the beginning of course, but more than likely Light/L by the end
Rating: The first few chapters will probably remain around PG-13, but later ones will likely be locked.
Summary: L knows all about secrets, but what is he going to do when he doesn't have any of the answers
L was finding it harder to simply ignore the sometimes earnest and hopeful expressions on Light's face as they talked. Strangely he found it easier when the look changed into one of of anger, almost disdain. Still, those looks left him with an uneasy feeling in his stomach that kept him unsettled and in a poor mood for the rest of the day. Work, at least, he understood and so he turned all his focus onto his most recent case. He also wasn't sure he liked that fact that he seemed to be getting used to Light's presence. He barely blinked as the young man took a chair beside his.
"So you decided to take it then?"
L nodded at Light's question. "Agent Rester is working out quite well and with Near's and Mello's cases completed there was no reason not to."
"I am curious about the cases you gave them." It was carefully constructed so that while an inquiry it left him with quite a bit of freedom in whether he would answer.
"Mello's involved a series of burglaries that I suspected might be connected even though others were highly skeptical. Near's case concerned a missing girl. A diplomat's daughter." Since L doubted there was anything Light could do with this information he decided to reveal it.
Light watched L. "So Mello's involved a likely complex pattern that needed to be unraveled."
"And Near's was finding cleverly concealed information." L grinned slightly. "I did have a purpose, but I highly suspect it is quite different from what you concluded."
Light simply raised an eyebrow so L continued. "If I made the choice my wish would be respected, of course, but I still believe the underlying problem would remain."
"But it wouldn't be your concern then, would it?"
"I suppose you could argue that, but still there would be complications." L said biting the edge of his thumb.
"Whoever was left out would know the truth. They would also know too much for you to simply ignore?" Light stated with that smug tone that said he knew he was perfectly correct. Sometimes L hated that tone, though he was honest enough with himself to know that it was a tone his own voice carried quite often.
"Yes, and as you have pointed out, they are still quite young. There are certain steps, procedures that should be followed."
"So what do you see as the underlying problem? Why handle things like this?"
"A lack of proper perspective. Mello compared himself to Near and while competition is not, in and of itself, a problem this behavior became quite unhealthy, and likely would only grow worse. Near's difficulty with correctly responding to this only compounded the issue.The only solution I could come up with was to try and force one of them to change their approach."
"I think you are looking at it in too simplistic a manner." Light said with a shrug. "And you counted on Mello being the one to 'change their approach'." His tone was slightly accusing.
"Perhaps, but for the moment, it has been dealt with. If it should require actions from me in the future I shall concern myself with it then." He smirked slightly. "And if I did I can hardly be blamed. He is more mature and therefore it made more sense to count on that outcome. I was less sure of whether or not he would agree to work with Near."
"I think you are getting ahead of yourself on that one."
"Maybe, but there is time to see the result, and adjust should it be necessary."
"It is quite fortunate that you were able to reconstruct the database." Light stated. He seemed focused on the screen in front of him, but L was aware that Light was watching his reaction from the corner of his eyes. The change of subject also was a warning of sorts that the younger man wasn't done prodding to see how much he could get out of L.
"Yes, without Matt it would have been far more difficult."
"How does he fit into all of this anyway?" Light asked trying to make it appear it was simply an offhand question.
"As I said he is a friend of Mello's and Near's."
"So he grew up at Wammy's?"
L could sense the unspoken question. His only answer was a nod. "He seems the only one capable of calming Mello in a reliable fashion so I am glad he was here not only to help with the computer."
Light grinned. "He must be a paragon for the virtue of patience then."
"Indeed." L offered. It was disconcerting how comfortable he was becoming with these conversations. He needed to do something about that. He needed to remind himself what really was at stake.
"It seems you still spend much time away from Miss Amane. Even though I am sure she understands it must be hard on her." The tone was light, but his gaze was penetrating.
Light raised an eyebrow then gave a slight smile. "It is of course, but she remains as upbeat as always." His look turned serious and slightly discontent. "I do care about her, and I don't want to hurt her, but I do not feel the same."
"That is indeed a dilemma." L bit the edge of his thumb still watching Light.
"It's just I'm not ready to get that serious, or maybe I'm looking for someone else."
"She will likely not take that well." L said. "Of course she cannot be blamed I suppose, but still..."
Light nodded and then sighed. "I suppose I have not made it any easier, but I've tried to be as honest as possible."
"Then you have done all you can." Such an experienced liar. "You will have to handle it carefully."
"Yes. Emotions can make a situation quite delicate." Somehow it always came back to this with them, Even though they should have moved past the point of all these word games they still felt the need to hide behind questions and statements that masked how much they were both trying to wrestle from the other. Honesty was something that neither of them could do for more than a few mere moments. L tried to be comforted by the fact it was familiar, but that did not help.
"Especially when those emotions are quite close to the surface."
L nodded and he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he stopped this charade. He didn't though because he knew how dangerous it could be to alter the move of their little dance.
"L, do you ever regret the choices you've made?" The question of Light made L wonder at his intent. Another change of subject, which L did struggle a bit to keep up with. He knew though with Light every word, action, had a purpose. It was another way in which they were alike.
"Regret is pointless." He said softly. "We cannot undo what we've done, even we could our decisions make us who we are."
"True, but aren't you ever interested in what other paths your life could have taken?"
L shrugged. "I do not waste much of my energy on such things, though it is very short-sighted not to examine one's life."
Light dropped any pretense and looked L in the eyes. "I understand the reasons, but there are many times I wish you would reveal more of yourself." Again there was that earnest, hopeful, open look.
"Some things cannot be changed, or rather it is better to say if we are not willing to they cannot be changed." He replied softly.
"If we choose one path another is blocked to us."
"Life is mostly unfair, but in this way I suppose it does balance out."
Light turned away. "Then we only have the option of creating new paths that might take us to the same place, or at least to some place similar."
L bit the edge of his thumb. "That is one way of looking at it." What was Light getting at?
"Of course certain opportunities will be more difficult than others."
L smirked. "If something isn't a challenge then it doesn't seem as worth it, does it though?"
Light laughed. "It doesn't." They both went back to focusing on other things, but the silence was not in the least uncomfortable. There was no reason he should find it so, especially when it seemed the younger man was up to something, and yet somehow this was all part of how they related to one another.
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: None at the beginning of course, but more than likely Light/L by the end
Rating: The first few chapters will probably remain around PG-13, but later ones will likely be locked.
Summary: L knows all about secrets, but what is he going to do when he doesn't have any of the answers
L was finding it harder to simply ignore the sometimes earnest and hopeful expressions on Light's face as they talked. Strangely he found it easier when the look changed into one of of anger, almost disdain. Still, those looks left him with an uneasy feeling in his stomach that kept him unsettled and in a poor mood for the rest of the day. Work, at least, he understood and so he turned all his focus onto his most recent case. He also wasn't sure he liked that fact that he seemed to be getting used to Light's presence. He barely blinked as the young man took a chair beside his.
"So you decided to take it then?"
L nodded at Light's question. "Agent Rester is working out quite well and with Near's and Mello's cases completed there was no reason not to."
"I am curious about the cases you gave them." It was carefully constructed so that while an inquiry it left him with quite a bit of freedom in whether he would answer.
"Mello's involved a series of burglaries that I suspected might be connected even though others were highly skeptical. Near's case concerned a missing girl. A diplomat's daughter." Since L doubted there was anything Light could do with this information he decided to reveal it.
Light watched L. "So Mello's involved a likely complex pattern that needed to be unraveled."
"And Near's was finding cleverly concealed information." L grinned slightly. "I did have a purpose, but I highly suspect it is quite different from what you concluded."
Light simply raised an eyebrow so L continued. "If I made the choice my wish would be respected, of course, but I still believe the underlying problem would remain."
"But it wouldn't be your concern then, would it?"
"I suppose you could argue that, but still there would be complications." L said biting the edge of his thumb.
"Whoever was left out would know the truth. They would also know too much for you to simply ignore?" Light stated with that smug tone that said he knew he was perfectly correct. Sometimes L hated that tone, though he was honest enough with himself to know that it was a tone his own voice carried quite often.
"Yes, and as you have pointed out, they are still quite young. There are certain steps, procedures that should be followed."
"So what do you see as the underlying problem? Why handle things like this?"
"A lack of proper perspective. Mello compared himself to Near and while competition is not, in and of itself, a problem this behavior became quite unhealthy, and likely would only grow worse. Near's difficulty with correctly responding to this only compounded the issue.The only solution I could come up with was to try and force one of them to change their approach."
"I think you are looking at it in too simplistic a manner." Light said with a shrug. "And you counted on Mello being the one to 'change their approach'." His tone was slightly accusing.
"Perhaps, but for the moment, it has been dealt with. If it should require actions from me in the future I shall concern myself with it then." He smirked slightly. "And if I did I can hardly be blamed. He is more mature and therefore it made more sense to count on that outcome. I was less sure of whether or not he would agree to work with Near."
"I think you are getting ahead of yourself on that one."
"Maybe, but there is time to see the result, and adjust should it be necessary."
"It is quite fortunate that you were able to reconstruct the database." Light stated. He seemed focused on the screen in front of him, but L was aware that Light was watching his reaction from the corner of his eyes. The change of subject also was a warning of sorts that the younger man wasn't done prodding to see how much he could get out of L.
"Yes, without Matt it would have been far more difficult."
"How does he fit into all of this anyway?" Light asked trying to make it appear it was simply an offhand question.
"As I said he is a friend of Mello's and Near's."
"So he grew up at Wammy's?"
L could sense the unspoken question. His only answer was a nod. "He seems the only one capable of calming Mello in a reliable fashion so I am glad he was here not only to help with the computer."
Light grinned. "He must be a paragon for the virtue of patience then."
"Indeed." L offered. It was disconcerting how comfortable he was becoming with these conversations. He needed to do something about that. He needed to remind himself what really was at stake.
"It seems you still spend much time away from Miss Amane. Even though I am sure she understands it must be hard on her." The tone was light, but his gaze was penetrating.
Light raised an eyebrow then gave a slight smile. "It is of course, but she remains as upbeat as always." His look turned serious and slightly discontent. "I do care about her, and I don't want to hurt her, but I do not feel the same."
"That is indeed a dilemma." L bit the edge of his thumb still watching Light.
"It's just I'm not ready to get that serious, or maybe I'm looking for someone else."
"She will likely not take that well." L said. "Of course she cannot be blamed I suppose, but still..."
Light nodded and then sighed. "I suppose I have not made it any easier, but I've tried to be as honest as possible."
"Then you have done all you can." Such an experienced liar. "You will have to handle it carefully."
"Yes. Emotions can make a situation quite delicate." Somehow it always came back to this with them, Even though they should have moved past the point of all these word games they still felt the need to hide behind questions and statements that masked how much they were both trying to wrestle from the other. Honesty was something that neither of them could do for more than a few mere moments. L tried to be comforted by the fact it was familiar, but that did not help.
"Especially when those emotions are quite close to the surface."
L nodded and he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he stopped this charade. He didn't though because he knew how dangerous it could be to alter the move of their little dance.
"L, do you ever regret the choices you've made?" The question of Light made L wonder at his intent. Another change of subject, which L did struggle a bit to keep up with. He knew though with Light every word, action, had a purpose. It was another way in which they were alike.
"Regret is pointless." He said softly. "We cannot undo what we've done, even we could our decisions make us who we are."
"True, but aren't you ever interested in what other paths your life could have taken?"
L shrugged. "I do not waste much of my energy on such things, though it is very short-sighted not to examine one's life."
Light dropped any pretense and looked L in the eyes. "I understand the reasons, but there are many times I wish you would reveal more of yourself." Again there was that earnest, hopeful, open look.
"Some things cannot be changed, or rather it is better to say if we are not willing to they cannot be changed." He replied softly.
"If we choose one path another is blocked to us."
"Life is mostly unfair, but in this way I suppose it does balance out."
Light turned away. "Then we only have the option of creating new paths that might take us to the same place, or at least to some place similar."
L bit the edge of his thumb. "That is one way of looking at it." What was Light getting at?
"Of course certain opportunities will be more difficult than others."
L smirked. "If something isn't a challenge then it doesn't seem as worth it, does it though?"
Light laughed. "It doesn't." They both went back to focusing on other things, but the silence was not in the least uncomfortable. There was no reason he should find it so, especially when it seemed the younger man was up to something, and yet somehow this was all part of how they related to one another.