House move
Right, well, in a nutshell we've moved in now...did the whole big thing last Saturday. Has affected me worse in the process and after than I thought it would. I have so much anger in me and I can't control it. It's very frightening. (<-- all in short terms...if you wanna know more or want to chat to me about it do so, but I'm not expecting any replies...meant serious, not sarcastic - I'm out of the teenage angst phase.).
Dad called me a while ago, from work. Asking me about my benefits and what I'm going to do now. I mean, I've only just moved in a week ago, I think asking me that now and making me feel pressured isn't fair. I'll probably chat to mum, but I don't know when. It's hard, she has enough on her plate already, and I don't want to stress Phil anymore than I have/am already. What do I do? Well, I suppose I'll probably do what I've been doing for three years now, keeping it all inside, festering and growing and just deal with it myself. People say I can go to them, they say that if anything is wrong I should speak up, but when I do it just causes them more stress which then backfires on to me, and we're worse than when we started. So what's better, I ask? Keeping it inside and just dealing with the pain day by day, even if it does get biggar and grow and make me feel more shit, but other people are ok and aren't too bothered by it OR telling my Mum and Phil, etc, about what's bothering me and just cause them more stress which comes back on me when they can't cope with me/my problems, which then causes me more problems and I end up with my original problem plus others caused by telling them?! Which is easier? Hmm...I know which one is because I've experienced many of both of them, so I think I'll just stick with keeping it all in and trying to be normal....get a job, clean and sort out the house, ironing, washing up, washing, cooking, then apply for college and go there next year, have a breakdown and kill myself. Sounds like a great plan me thinks! :-) (I'm serious...this is how I think and kind of hope it will all end up.).
Dad called me a while ago, from work. Asking me about my benefits and what I'm going to do now. I mean, I've only just moved in a week ago, I think asking me that now and making me feel pressured isn't fair. I'll probably chat to mum, but I don't know when. It's hard, she has enough on her plate already, and I don't want to stress Phil anymore than I have/am already. What do I do? Well, I suppose I'll probably do what I've been doing for three years now, keeping it all inside, festering and growing and just deal with it myself. People say I can go to them, they say that if anything is wrong I should speak up, but when I do it just causes them more stress which then backfires on to me, and we're worse than when we started. So what's better, I ask? Keeping it inside and just dealing with the pain day by day, even if it does get biggar and grow and make me feel more shit, but other people are ok and aren't too bothered by it OR telling my Mum and Phil, etc, about what's bothering me and just cause them more stress which comes back on me when they can't cope with me/my problems, which then causes me more problems and I end up with my original problem plus others caused by telling them?! Which is easier? Hmm...I know which one is because I've experienced many of both of them, so I think I'll just stick with keeping it all in and trying to be normal....get a job, clean and sort out the house, ironing, washing up, washing, cooking, then apply for college and go there next year, have a breakdown and kill myself. Sounds like a great plan me thinks! :-) (I'm serious...this is how I think and kind of hope it will all end up.).