You have your good days...
...and your bad days, but only, on the good days you wonder why you feel good, and on the bad days you just take it as ordinary.
Haven't exercised for three weeks. Well, maybe the killing (attemted and constant thoughts of..) myself might have something to do with it, and the leaving of my job, but this first week away from work has felt no different. We have a flat inspection on Friday so I am tidying the WHOLE place! Big job - yes, hard - not really. It's becasue of these things to do that I am occupied therefore not feeling too down, but now, this afternoon, I am again. I just wish that when I do want to do the things I previously used to enjoy that I wouldn't feel so guilty about doing them - that I am being lazy by doing what I want to do rather than what I should be. I want to paint right now, and yes, I have everything to do it with, but am I going to, probably not. Why? Because that would be being self-indulgent, and I've done enough of that today on the net and with food.
Phil tells me I should be doing what I want, what I like. I've left work for a few reasons, my screwed up head being one of them, but I just don't completely know what to do with myself. I don't want to eat myself in to a coma, I want to exercise! And I damn well will! It's summer soon and the sun does make me feel a bit better, but even on a perfectly beautiful sunny day, with rainbows, a light breeze and the chafinches tweeting in the birch trees I can feel about as low as the scum that rules Iraq (that's Saddam to anyone who has been in a coma for the past ten years or so.).
Hmm, maybe I will paint, I bought myself a new Watercolour pad. But I want tea and biscuits too and that would be VERY VERY bad. oh arse.
Haven't exercised for three weeks. Well, maybe the killing (attemted and constant thoughts of..) myself might have something to do with it, and the leaving of my job, but this first week away from work has felt no different. We have a flat inspection on Friday so I am tidying the WHOLE place! Big job - yes, hard - not really. It's becasue of these things to do that I am occupied therefore not feeling too down, but now, this afternoon, I am again. I just wish that when I do want to do the things I previously used to enjoy that I wouldn't feel so guilty about doing them - that I am being lazy by doing what I want to do rather than what I should be. I want to paint right now, and yes, I have everything to do it with, but am I going to, probably not. Why? Because that would be being self-indulgent, and I've done enough of that today on the net and with food.
Phil tells me I should be doing what I want, what I like. I've left work for a few reasons, my screwed up head being one of them, but I just don't completely know what to do with myself. I don't want to eat myself in to a coma, I want to exercise! And I damn well will! It's summer soon and the sun does make me feel a bit better, but even on a perfectly beautiful sunny day, with rainbows, a light breeze and the chafinches tweeting in the birch trees I can feel about as low as the scum that rules Iraq (that's Saddam to anyone who has been in a coma for the past ten years or so.).
Hmm, maybe I will paint, I bought myself a new Watercolour pad. But I want tea and biscuits too and that would be VERY VERY bad. oh arse.