Middlemen | #8.2
When Jonghyun’s arms fight with the comforter he realizes that he’s the only one in bed, in the dark of his room, Jinki’s side of the bed empty and forgotten. Jonghyun rubs his eyes and his gaze finds the door of his room ajar with faint light slipping past the space. Jonghyun gets on his feet and pads forward in search of Jinki, his head still half asleep.
He yawns into his fist as he walks down the stairs, all of a sudden fearing that Jinki might have tripped over a few steps on his way down. That’s when he hears it.
First it’s just a vague echo, ghostly and creeping onto Jonghyun’s skin in the form of goose bumps. The more steps Jonghyun takes towards the noise which he figured is coming from the dining room, the more familiar it becomes and he regretted peeking over the entrance the moment that he did.
Jinki, flat on the table, nails scratching the surface and scarring the perfect layer of varnish and mahogany, Minho on top of him, hips pushing in and out of his buttocks as he cages Jinki with both arms on either side of his shoulders. Minho’s forehead was attached to the valley between Jinki’s shoulder blades, whispering words of encouragement about how Jinki felt so tight and wet and oh, yes, move like that again. Minho lifts his head and buries his mouth on the side of Jinki’s neck, his one hand tangling with Jinki’s hair and pulling his head up and in that one moment time stops. Because Jinki looked straight at Jonghyun from underneath Minho. And he breaks 3 years of sacrifices by lining his lips with an unmistakable grin.
Jonghyun’s vision went red.
The next thing he knew is his legs lift off the ground and he’s sliding over the table and choking Minho. They fall to the floor with Jonghyun above the younger boy, both hands on his neck. Jonghyun can’t grip Minho’s neck tight enough.
Jinki’s screaming, pushing at his shoulder, telling him to stop but Jonghyun’s too far gone now. He lifts Minho’s head by the neck, Minho gripping his hands by the wrists, nails breaking his skin but Jonghyun pounds his head back on the floor with a shattering thud.
Jonghyun makes use of one hand and digs his knuckle deep into Minho’s jaw, bones on both parts, crackling at the pressure. Jinki’s clawing at Jonghyun’s shoulders, prying him off to no avail.
“-don’t kill him, Jong-“ Jonghyun hears bits of Jinki’s cries but it’s like Jinki’s mouth is blocked with marbles. Minho’s eyes are tearing up and Jonghyun’s teeth are grinding together. Minho’s clutch on his hands were loosening and for a moment he was looking into space, at something in the distance over Jonghyun’s shoulder, like death was there and he was submitting himself.
A pang of pain shoots through Jonghyun’s arm, a knife flying through before plunging into the wall past the three of them.
Jonghyun releases his hold on Minho’s neck. Minho instantly pushes Jonghyun off, pushing himself up on wobbly knees in search of his underwear and when Jonghyun stands up he finds Victoria by the entrance, a shotgun in one hand, her nightgown drifting loosely over her figure from underneath her robe, parted at the side with a generous slit that showed off the holster of her knife, hugging her thigh, her face matted with a light green cream except for her eyes and her lips. Victoria shakes the forestock of the gun with one hand as the three boys get up from the floor. She aims at their direction, stance still.
“Jonghyun, get away from Minho. Minho, Jinki put some fucking clothes on.”
“What’s on your face?” Kibum and Taemin appear from out of nowhere, slipping into the room. Kibum crosses his arms over his chest while Taemin cocks a brow at the three in the room.
“Hey, why wasn’t I invited?” Taemin’s query goes ignored when Kibum keeps his gaze on Victoria’s face.
“Is that facial cream?” Kibum asks again and Victoria finally sighs, never losing her grip on the gun. She eyes him, her face unmoving in the direction of the three.
“I was having me time, okay!”
“Okay, okay.” Kibum raises his hands in fear of becoming the target of her fury.
“Stay put.” Victoria places her gun down, the barrel connecting with the floor as she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes as if trying to calm herself. “Kibum, get me a towel and water please.”
Kibum does what he’s told and finds out when he comes back that Victoria just wanted to rid her face of her facial cream before proceeding with talking to them.
“So, one of you better tell me what the fuck is going on here or heads are gonna roll.”
None of them take the initiative to speak, instead choosing to inspect the floor, the wall past Victoria and the darkened window by the end of the dining table. Kibum walks back towards Taemin and takes the younger boy by the hand, gesturing for them to stay out of Victoria’s sight.
“It’s best not to mingle in situations like these.” Kibum whispers into Taemin’s hair. The younger boy nods.
The three of them remain silent, Jinki’s face growing a little more flustered than the other two. Except for Jonghyun whose ears were the slightest tint of cherry. Jinki can’t find it in himself to speak, to do anything, to look up. He imagines himself walking on glass and below him was a bottomless pit in between mountains covered with snow and every step he took just cracked at the glass and hope was nowhere to be found.
“Don’t make me prove it.” Victoria warns, holding the shotgun again and aiming the lips of the barrel at them. “One!”
“You know.” Kibum whispers again into Taemin’s ear and it makes it seem as if they were watching a movie in the theatre, talking about the plot and how the characters make no sense. “She says she’s gonna shoot them but really she’s just gonna shoot at that vase.” Kibum points at the vase sitting atop the table by the window, only one of the many elegant porcelains resting in the dining area and, well, the whole fucking house.
“Two!”
“Isn’t that the vase you broke before?” Taemin whispers back with a mild smirk.
Kibum inspects the vase through narrow eyes, neck extending a bit towards the object of their discussion until he finally nods towards the younger boy. “Why yes, Taemin. Yes it is.”
Their laughs are cut short by the ring of the shotgun, the bullets passing through the said vase and shattering weeks of Kibum’s attempts to glue it back together.
“Goddamnit!” Victoria shrieks.
“Told you.” Kibum nudges Taemin’s shoulder.
“That’s it. Fuck. All of you. On the table. Now!” The three of them comply, walking slowly over the shattered bits of the vase, the shards cracking under their slippers. They sit in front of Victoria, eyes tired. “I said all of you!” Victoria shouts again and KIbum scoffs.
“I’m not the one reenacting scenes from The Hills!”
“Fucking now, Kibum!” Victoria raises the shotgun with one hand at the two of them, not even bothering to turn around to face them as she did so.
“Ugh.” Kibum rolls his eyes, taking Taemin with him as they walk towards the table. “That’s my shotgun, by the way.”
“Now,” Victoria’s voice sounds forced and fighting for calmness. She almost sounds desperate, like on the verge of tears for a breakthrough that wasn’t coming. “Can somebody please explain to me why this is happening? You’re brothers, remember? Brothers don’t choke each other to death. I’ve accepted your guys’ carnal desires okay-“
“You mean sex.” KIbum tilts his head to the side, blinking at Victoria who all but crumbles into a heap on the floor, shoulders sagging.
“Talk to me. Please. Anyone.” Victoria lowers the shotgun on the floor and places her hands on her hips, swaying her head away to keep her hair behind her shoulders.
Jonghyun uses the sleeve of his shirt to press against the cut of his arm from before, busying himself with it just so he wouldn’t have to speak. He just wanted to go back to bed. He won’t be able to sleep through this that was for sure, but just the comfort of his own bed would and the privacy of his room made so much more sense than being here.
Kibum clears his throat and gives the room a quick scan for anyone who was willing to talk. When he finds none he raises his hand, his face mirroring the faces of the students in school who knew the answer even before the questions were thrown. Victoria groans. “Yes?”
“Okay.” Kibum stands from the table, hands dusting against one another. “So, here’s how I think things went down. Jonghyun and Jinki are like, in love or whatever and now Minho’s all over JInki too which I really don’t get. Jinki’s cute and all, but come on.”
Jinki shakes his head.
“So, anyway. Minho and Jinki fool around and Jonghyun finds out, they get into a fight and-“
“Kibum, just. Just.” Victoria raises her hand. “Shut up, please.”
“Umma.”
“A-shh!” She snaps. Kibum helplessly sits back on the table, Taemin runs his hand over his hair. “It’s not that I don’t care. But you should work on this amongst yourselves and it should be resolved. Soon. We’re gonna start negotiations again and I don’t want this to get in the way of the family business.”
Family, Jinki thought, was a tricky word.
“Have I made myself clear?” Victoria’s voice is firmer. She’s satisfied with the small nods she gets in return. “Good. Back to bed.” She claps her hands twice. “Oh, and Jonghyun. You should probably get that cleaned before bed.”
Jonghyun nibbles on his bottom lip, nodding once again.
“And Kibum?”
“Umma.”
“You’re coming with me tomorrow.”
“What, where?”
“We’re getting a new dining table.” And before Kibum can open his mouth again to protest Victoria adds, “Do you want to eat on surfaces where your brothers bumped uglies?”
Kibum’s mouth shuts, a pout replacing his previous expression. Victoria is already on her way out of the room, Jonghyun brushing past her. Minho leaves the dining room after collecting Crayons who has been hiding under one of the cabinets. Jinki is left in the room when Kibum goes after Victoria, Taemin tailing after him. “Can Taemin come?” is the last thing he hears before the whole house goes silent again.
He stares at the spot on the floor where Jonghyun’s blood dripped. It’s still red and fresh, a few dots on the white floor. Blood has been spilled. There was no turning back now. Once in his room he rummages his cabinet for the portable first aid kit he has and leaves it in front of Jonghyun’s bedroom door.
~o~
Jinki’s thoughts are interrupted by a pounding on his door. His chin disengages with the balls of his knees, his legs extending forward and feet falling to the floor as he hops off his bed and carefully turns his knob open, the lock snapping.
Jonghyun’s outside of his door, Jinki recognizing him even between the small space. He pushes the door back in its frame but Jonghyun uses his weight to press against Jinki’s force. Jinki was weak enough as it was. He needed sleep and a glass of water, maybe time alone. Jonghyun steps into the room, brows knitted together, his wound still open and prone to infections on his arm, Jinki notices.
Jonghyun tosses the first aid kit in the air and Jinki catches it with both hands. “The fuck is this?”
“Umma said to get that checked.”
“What are you doing?”
Jinki’s gaze drops to the first aid kit in his hands, his cheeks burning. “Come here.”
Jinki makes his way to the side of the bed, sitting on the edge and inviting Jonghyun to occupy the space beside him. He places the first aid kit in his lap, opens the lid while Jonghyun tentatively joins him, eyes drilling holes onto Jinki’s head.
Jinki takes out disinfectants and cotton balls, making sure his hands were clean. He soaks a piece of cotton ball in disinfectant liquid and with one hand, fingers splayed a good inch away from the wound but enough to give Jinki leverage, he dabs the cotton on the tear. Jonghyun doesn’t even flinch.
Jonghyun allows Jinki to clean his wound in silence, finishing up with gauze and strips of micropores to make sure the gauze stays in place. When everything is done and Jinki’s already fixed up the first aid kit, there was nothing else to say.
“It’s the first time I’ve ever felt that way.” Jonghyun admits, eyes on his toes. “I’ve never been so angry in my life. It was scary.”
Maybe he was expecting an apology, something that will make him understand. Jinki would have done exactly that except his plans were clear and now that step one was done that meant he was well on his way.
JInki sniffs, his features relaxed. “You could’ve killed him.”
Jonghyun’s glare comes through brows drawn together, jaw flexing. “Jinki, what is this?”
“What do you think?” Jinki tries to sound vicious, uncaring, possibly cold. He faces Jonghyun with his head turned to the side, mirroring the same annoyed look Jonghyun was sporting. “You were the one who wanted honesty.”
Jonghyun’s mouth hangs loose in disbelief. “Yeah, Jinki. Honesty. Not betrayal.” He stands back on his feet, looking Jinki down.
Jinki swipes his finger over the tip of his nose, feigns confidence and boredom, both qualities that he was feeling none of. He stands from the bed and walks past Jonghyun to get to his cabinet. “Don’t be such a drama-“
Jonghyun catches his wrists and the rest of Jinki’s statement is tied around his tongue. Jinki fights the urge to flinch away from Jonghyun’s stare, the distance (or lack of) in between them not helping Jinki at all.
Jonghyun’s chest is heaving, up and down, up and down.
“Does he matter more to you than me?”
Jinki can’t answer that. He can but why? Why lie this much to a broken man?
“Does he?” Jonghyun asks again and Jinki figures this was right. This was how things were meant to go anyway. This was the only way Jonghyun would hate him enough to stay away from him.
“Yes.” Jinki answers above a whisper. Now he needed more air. Jonghyun lets him go, Jinki rubbing at the spot in his wrists where he had been gripped. Jonghyun storms out of the room without closing the door and in that brief moment Jinki thought it was over, that this was it. Until Jonghyun comes marching back in with something else occupying his hands.
“Does he matter more than this?” Jonghyun throws whatever he was holding on the bed and it smacks Jinki’s mattress, bouncing only once before making itself known.
Jinki’s eyes burn just as much as his cheeks, feeling dirtier than he’s ever felt in his life when he sees the familiar cover of the penguin book from their childhood staring up at him, judging him.
Jinki stares at the cover. Stares some more. Then Jonghyun’s moving away from him again, towards the door. Everything that he’s worked for, everything that he’s risked his whole life for, was walking out of his door. But this was right, wasn’t it? Jonghyun can’t be dragged into this with him. No matter how much he wanted Jonghyun there by his side, there was no way he was going to risk Jonghyun for his own needs.
“I’m doing this for the both of us.” Jinki whispers in the empty room, his knees finally giving in as he lands on his calves, legs folded underneath him. He no longer saw the book or the bed or the lights. It was just the color of swaying outlines, dancing around in the reflections of his tears.
~o~
Jinki gives Minho’s door a knock and it only takes him about six more before Minho greets him from the opening. Jinki passes him a look of hesitance but asks to come in. Minho opens the door and invites him.
Crayons is playing on Minho’s bed, pausing in its actions abruptly to acknowledge Jinki’s presence only to go back to hopping around on the sheets.
“I need your help.” Jinki speaks first, Minho standing before him with his hands on his waist. He doesn’t answer, instead waiting for Jinki to finish. “I remember you saying something before about Nichkhun. I want to find a way to meet with him.”
Minho tilts his chin upward, eyes hooded as he stares back at Jinki.
“I need to get to him without Umma knowing.”
“Why?”
“I need to find my father.”
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He yawns into his fist as he walks down the stairs, all of a sudden fearing that Jinki might have tripped over a few steps on his way down. That’s when he hears it.
First it’s just a vague echo, ghostly and creeping onto Jonghyun’s skin in the form of goose bumps. The more steps Jonghyun takes towards the noise which he figured is coming from the dining room, the more familiar it becomes and he regretted peeking over the entrance the moment that he did.
Jinki, flat on the table, nails scratching the surface and scarring the perfect layer of varnish and mahogany, Minho on top of him, hips pushing in and out of his buttocks as he cages Jinki with both arms on either side of his shoulders. Minho’s forehead was attached to the valley between Jinki’s shoulder blades, whispering words of encouragement about how Jinki felt so tight and wet and oh, yes, move like that again. Minho lifts his head and buries his mouth on the side of Jinki’s neck, his one hand tangling with Jinki’s hair and pulling his head up and in that one moment time stops. Because Jinki looked straight at Jonghyun from underneath Minho. And he breaks 3 years of sacrifices by lining his lips with an unmistakable grin.
Jonghyun’s vision went red.
The next thing he knew is his legs lift off the ground and he’s sliding over the table and choking Minho. They fall to the floor with Jonghyun above the younger boy, both hands on his neck. Jonghyun can’t grip Minho’s neck tight enough.
Jinki’s screaming, pushing at his shoulder, telling him to stop but Jonghyun’s too far gone now. He lifts Minho’s head by the neck, Minho gripping his hands by the wrists, nails breaking his skin but Jonghyun pounds his head back on the floor with a shattering thud.
Jonghyun makes use of one hand and digs his knuckle deep into Minho’s jaw, bones on both parts, crackling at the pressure. Jinki’s clawing at Jonghyun’s shoulders, prying him off to no avail.
“-don’t kill him, Jong-“ Jonghyun hears bits of Jinki’s cries but it’s like Jinki’s mouth is blocked with marbles. Minho’s eyes are tearing up and Jonghyun’s teeth are grinding together. Minho’s clutch on his hands were loosening and for a moment he was looking into space, at something in the distance over Jonghyun’s shoulder, like death was there and he was submitting himself.
A pang of pain shoots through Jonghyun’s arm, a knife flying through before plunging into the wall past the three of them.
Jonghyun releases his hold on Minho’s neck. Minho instantly pushes Jonghyun off, pushing himself up on wobbly knees in search of his underwear and when Jonghyun stands up he finds Victoria by the entrance, a shotgun in one hand, her nightgown drifting loosely over her figure from underneath her robe, parted at the side with a generous slit that showed off the holster of her knife, hugging her thigh, her face matted with a light green cream except for her eyes and her lips. Victoria shakes the forestock of the gun with one hand as the three boys get up from the floor. She aims at their direction, stance still.
“Jonghyun, get away from Minho. Minho, Jinki put some fucking clothes on.”
“What’s on your face?” Kibum and Taemin appear from out of nowhere, slipping into the room. Kibum crosses his arms over his chest while Taemin cocks a brow at the three in the room.
“Hey, why wasn’t I invited?” Taemin’s query goes ignored when Kibum keeps his gaze on Victoria’s face.
“Is that facial cream?” Kibum asks again and Victoria finally sighs, never losing her grip on the gun. She eyes him, her face unmoving in the direction of the three.
“I was having me time, okay!”
“Okay, okay.” Kibum raises his hands in fear of becoming the target of her fury.
“Stay put.” Victoria places her gun down, the barrel connecting with the floor as she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes as if trying to calm herself. “Kibum, get me a towel and water please.”
Kibum does what he’s told and finds out when he comes back that Victoria just wanted to rid her face of her facial cream before proceeding with talking to them.
“So, one of you better tell me what the fuck is going on here or heads are gonna roll.”
None of them take the initiative to speak, instead choosing to inspect the floor, the wall past Victoria and the darkened window by the end of the dining table. Kibum walks back towards Taemin and takes the younger boy by the hand, gesturing for them to stay out of Victoria’s sight.
“It’s best not to mingle in situations like these.” Kibum whispers into Taemin’s hair. The younger boy nods.
The three of them remain silent, Jinki’s face growing a little more flustered than the other two. Except for Jonghyun whose ears were the slightest tint of cherry. Jinki can’t find it in himself to speak, to do anything, to look up. He imagines himself walking on glass and below him was a bottomless pit in between mountains covered with snow and every step he took just cracked at the glass and hope was nowhere to be found.
“Don’t make me prove it.” Victoria warns, holding the shotgun again and aiming the lips of the barrel at them. “One!”
“You know.” Kibum whispers again into Taemin’s ear and it makes it seem as if they were watching a movie in the theatre, talking about the plot and how the characters make no sense. “She says she’s gonna shoot them but really she’s just gonna shoot at that vase.” Kibum points at the vase sitting atop the table by the window, only one of the many elegant porcelains resting in the dining area and, well, the whole fucking house.
“Two!”
“Isn’t that the vase you broke before?” Taemin whispers back with a mild smirk.
Kibum inspects the vase through narrow eyes, neck extending a bit towards the object of their discussion until he finally nods towards the younger boy. “Why yes, Taemin. Yes it is.”
Their laughs are cut short by the ring of the shotgun, the bullets passing through the said vase and shattering weeks of Kibum’s attempts to glue it back together.
“Goddamnit!” Victoria shrieks.
“Told you.” Kibum nudges Taemin’s shoulder.
“That’s it. Fuck. All of you. On the table. Now!” The three of them comply, walking slowly over the shattered bits of the vase, the shards cracking under their slippers. They sit in front of Victoria, eyes tired. “I said all of you!” Victoria shouts again and KIbum scoffs.
“I’m not the one reenacting scenes from The Hills!”
“Fucking now, Kibum!” Victoria raises the shotgun with one hand at the two of them, not even bothering to turn around to face them as she did so.
“Ugh.” Kibum rolls his eyes, taking Taemin with him as they walk towards the table. “That’s my shotgun, by the way.”
“Now,” Victoria’s voice sounds forced and fighting for calmness. She almost sounds desperate, like on the verge of tears for a breakthrough that wasn’t coming. “Can somebody please explain to me why this is happening? You’re brothers, remember? Brothers don’t choke each other to death. I’ve accepted your guys’ carnal desires okay-“
“You mean sex.” KIbum tilts his head to the side, blinking at Victoria who all but crumbles into a heap on the floor, shoulders sagging.
“Talk to me. Please. Anyone.” Victoria lowers the shotgun on the floor and places her hands on her hips, swaying her head away to keep her hair behind her shoulders.
Jonghyun uses the sleeve of his shirt to press against the cut of his arm from before, busying himself with it just so he wouldn’t have to speak. He just wanted to go back to bed. He won’t be able to sleep through this that was for sure, but just the comfort of his own bed would and the privacy of his room made so much more sense than being here.
Kibum clears his throat and gives the room a quick scan for anyone who was willing to talk. When he finds none he raises his hand, his face mirroring the faces of the students in school who knew the answer even before the questions were thrown. Victoria groans. “Yes?”
“Okay.” Kibum stands from the table, hands dusting against one another. “So, here’s how I think things went down. Jonghyun and Jinki are like, in love or whatever and now Minho’s all over JInki too which I really don’t get. Jinki’s cute and all, but come on.”
Jinki shakes his head.
“So, anyway. Minho and Jinki fool around and Jonghyun finds out, they get into a fight and-“
“Kibum, just. Just.” Victoria raises her hand. “Shut up, please.”
“Umma.”
“A-shh!” She snaps. Kibum helplessly sits back on the table, Taemin runs his hand over his hair. “It’s not that I don’t care. But you should work on this amongst yourselves and it should be resolved. Soon. We’re gonna start negotiations again and I don’t want this to get in the way of the family business.”
Family, Jinki thought, was a tricky word.
“Have I made myself clear?” Victoria’s voice is firmer. She’s satisfied with the small nods she gets in return. “Good. Back to bed.” She claps her hands twice. “Oh, and Jonghyun. You should probably get that cleaned before bed.”
Jonghyun nibbles on his bottom lip, nodding once again.
“And Kibum?”
“Umma.”
“You’re coming with me tomorrow.”
“What, where?”
“We’re getting a new dining table.” And before Kibum can open his mouth again to protest Victoria adds, “Do you want to eat on surfaces where your brothers bumped uglies?”
Kibum’s mouth shuts, a pout replacing his previous expression. Victoria is already on her way out of the room, Jonghyun brushing past her. Minho leaves the dining room after collecting Crayons who has been hiding under one of the cabinets. Jinki is left in the room when Kibum goes after Victoria, Taemin tailing after him. “Can Taemin come?” is the last thing he hears before the whole house goes silent again.
He stares at the spot on the floor where Jonghyun’s blood dripped. It’s still red and fresh, a few dots on the white floor. Blood has been spilled. There was no turning back now. Once in his room he rummages his cabinet for the portable first aid kit he has and leaves it in front of Jonghyun’s bedroom door.
~o~
Jinki’s thoughts are interrupted by a pounding on his door. His chin disengages with the balls of his knees, his legs extending forward and feet falling to the floor as he hops off his bed and carefully turns his knob open, the lock snapping.
Jonghyun’s outside of his door, Jinki recognizing him even between the small space. He pushes the door back in its frame but Jonghyun uses his weight to press against Jinki’s force. Jinki was weak enough as it was. He needed sleep and a glass of water, maybe time alone. Jonghyun steps into the room, brows knitted together, his wound still open and prone to infections on his arm, Jinki notices.
Jonghyun tosses the first aid kit in the air and Jinki catches it with both hands. “The fuck is this?”
“Umma said to get that checked.”
“What are you doing?”
Jinki’s gaze drops to the first aid kit in his hands, his cheeks burning. “Come here.”
Jinki makes his way to the side of the bed, sitting on the edge and inviting Jonghyun to occupy the space beside him. He places the first aid kit in his lap, opens the lid while Jonghyun tentatively joins him, eyes drilling holes onto Jinki’s head.
Jinki takes out disinfectants and cotton balls, making sure his hands were clean. He soaks a piece of cotton ball in disinfectant liquid and with one hand, fingers splayed a good inch away from the wound but enough to give Jinki leverage, he dabs the cotton on the tear. Jonghyun doesn’t even flinch.
Jonghyun allows Jinki to clean his wound in silence, finishing up with gauze and strips of micropores to make sure the gauze stays in place. When everything is done and Jinki’s already fixed up the first aid kit, there was nothing else to say.
“It’s the first time I’ve ever felt that way.” Jonghyun admits, eyes on his toes. “I’ve never been so angry in my life. It was scary.”
Maybe he was expecting an apology, something that will make him understand. Jinki would have done exactly that except his plans were clear and now that step one was done that meant he was well on his way.
JInki sniffs, his features relaxed. “You could’ve killed him.”
Jonghyun’s glare comes through brows drawn together, jaw flexing. “Jinki, what is this?”
“What do you think?” Jinki tries to sound vicious, uncaring, possibly cold. He faces Jonghyun with his head turned to the side, mirroring the same annoyed look Jonghyun was sporting. “You were the one who wanted honesty.”
Jonghyun’s mouth hangs loose in disbelief. “Yeah, Jinki. Honesty. Not betrayal.” He stands back on his feet, looking Jinki down.
Jinki swipes his finger over the tip of his nose, feigns confidence and boredom, both qualities that he was feeling none of. He stands from the bed and walks past Jonghyun to get to his cabinet. “Don’t be such a drama-“
Jonghyun catches his wrists and the rest of Jinki’s statement is tied around his tongue. Jinki fights the urge to flinch away from Jonghyun’s stare, the distance (or lack of) in between them not helping Jinki at all.
Jonghyun’s chest is heaving, up and down, up and down.
“Does he matter more to you than me?”
Jinki can’t answer that. He can but why? Why lie this much to a broken man?
“Does he?” Jonghyun asks again and Jinki figures this was right. This was how things were meant to go anyway. This was the only way Jonghyun would hate him enough to stay away from him.
“Yes.” Jinki answers above a whisper. Now he needed more air. Jonghyun lets him go, Jinki rubbing at the spot in his wrists where he had been gripped. Jonghyun storms out of the room without closing the door and in that brief moment Jinki thought it was over, that this was it. Until Jonghyun comes marching back in with something else occupying his hands.
“Does he matter more than this?” Jonghyun throws whatever he was holding on the bed and it smacks Jinki’s mattress, bouncing only once before making itself known.
Jinki’s eyes burn just as much as his cheeks, feeling dirtier than he’s ever felt in his life when he sees the familiar cover of the penguin book from their childhood staring up at him, judging him.
Jinki stares at the cover. Stares some more. Then Jonghyun’s moving away from him again, towards the door. Everything that he’s worked for, everything that he’s risked his whole life for, was walking out of his door. But this was right, wasn’t it? Jonghyun can’t be dragged into this with him. No matter how much he wanted Jonghyun there by his side, there was no way he was going to risk Jonghyun for his own needs.
“I’m doing this for the both of us.” Jinki whispers in the empty room, his knees finally giving in as he lands on his calves, legs folded underneath him. He no longer saw the book or the bed or the lights. It was just the color of swaying outlines, dancing around in the reflections of his tears.
~o~
Jinki gives Minho’s door a knock and it only takes him about six more before Minho greets him from the opening. Jinki passes him a look of hesitance but asks to come in. Minho opens the door and invites him.
Crayons is playing on Minho’s bed, pausing in its actions abruptly to acknowledge Jinki’s presence only to go back to hopping around on the sheets.
“I need your help.” Jinki speaks first, Minho standing before him with his hands on his waist. He doesn’t answer, instead waiting for Jinki to finish. “I remember you saying something before about Nichkhun. I want to find a way to meet with him.”
Minho tilts his chin upward, eyes hooded as he stares back at Jinki.
“I need to get to him without Umma knowing.”
“Why?”
“I need to find my father.”
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