At odds with quiet fires

[hipslip]

There are two events that helped develop Jonghyun’s hatred
for surprises.

When Jonghyun was sixteen he willed himself not to gag in
his mouth when his best friend Jinki came to him hand in hand with a boy named
Minho, announcing their new found intimate relationship. His nostrils might
have flared a bit but not much can be said when Jinki was smiling brightly
under the afternoon light, his face filled with so much content that Jonghyun
can only mouth a simple congratulations and pat Jinki on the back.

Gay relationships were a separation from everything that
Jonghyun believed in, everything that his mother taught him and everything that
his whole life revolved around. Jinki knew this and although Jonghyun was sure
that what he and Minho had had nothing to do with him he couldn’t help but feel
a little up in arms. Internally, of course.

Which is why when college rolled around and he was assigned
a room with Jinki he went straight to the head office to switch rooms.

“It’s nothing personal, Jinki.” Actually, yes it was. “I
just think that you and I won’t do well in one room.” They would. “I like
silent spaces.” No he didn’t. “And you like to blast music and sing to it with
the volume on eleven.” That was actually true. “I’m just a door away though so
you don’t have to pout at me like I just kicked your puppy.”

Jinki did stop frowning and he kept his resolve throughout
the entire ordeal. Knowing Jonghyun for as long as he did there wasn’t much
else that he could do.

Jonghyun isn’t necessarily judgmental. Or maybe he is. He
just doesn’t like the idea of sexualities evolving and turning into something….
Unnatural. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get it at all. He doesn’t get why
puzzle pieces made specifically to fit at certain places would still be
mismatched in different locations because of inexplicable choices.

This was the first.

~o~

Jonghyun loves his mom. What an understatement. He breathes
the same air as his mom and their hearts beat at the same time. They’re like
twins really, more like siblings with the way they interact. Jonghyun holds his
phone close to his ear as his mom tells him to eat right, to not be much of a
trouble maker at college and to do his laundry right while Jonghyun nods and
tells her not to fret.

He finds his new dorm room without much trouble, dropping
his bag and bidding his mom goodbye. The room is empty and Jonghyun decides
that it’s spacious and that the right side is the part he wants. “Dibs.” He
calls to the air.

He realizes that a bath would be a good idea after having
roamed through the campus for the most part of the day in search of his new
room. He pulls at his towel and spends a good fifteen minutes scrubbing and
singing something he heard on the radio in Yoona’s car.

When the main door of the room opens it doesn’t register on
Jonghyun since he’s still intoxicated with the smell of soap and the pitter
patter of water from the shower.

When he walks out his stomach curls in on itself at the
sight of auburn hair, long, shiny-maybe even a bit golden with the light
hitting it and stuffing some of the strands with this kind of flare that makes
Jonghyun believe that it could smell so much like the better part of the
morning-

The girl is facing the window, away from Jonghyun but not
for long. Because Jonghyun’s moist steps register on her and she spins around,
taking her time and oh.

Her face. Her beautiful face. White skin spread evenly, save
for the ups and downs of the angles of her nose, her cheek bones curving
generously to frame her scarlet pout, her eyes so round and pure and wide and
wonderful that Jonghyun thinks he’s never seen anything so… so… so…

The girl smiles just then. And Jonghyun remembers the first
time he’s ever tasted ice cream or discovered music.

Until her smile fades abruptly, eyes dropping to the floor
where a cockroach is tickling her toes. Any normal girl would have jumped,
screamed and Jonghyun will deny this in the future but he kind of hoped that
she would run into his arms in all of her fright.

But she calmly steps on the cockroach with her slipper
before returning her gaze to Jonghyun, her eyes still twinkling.

“Hi.” She says and it
only registers on Jonghyun seconds later that her voice… didn’t sound like it
belonged to a she. No. it was soft
but a little lower than it should be, than the voice Jonghyun had in mind. And
when she comes a little closer to bow before Jonghyun, he finally realizes how
her chest is flat, her shoulders just a few inches narrower than Jonghyun’s.
Then she returns to her upright posture from her bow and says, “My name’s
Taemin.” And her adam’s apple mocks Jonghyun as it bobs.

“Wha-What?”

“Taemin.” Taemin blinks.

“You’re.” Jonghyun tries. “You’re a boy?”

To this, Taemin’s eyes widen a bit. “Uhm. Yes?”

But the hair. And the face. And the smile. And Jonghyun
almost losing himself and turning into a poet earlier. “What?”

“I. Uhm. I’m Lee Taemin. This is my room too. I’m your
roommate?” He keeps ending his sentences with uncertainty.

Taemin reaches for something in his back pocket, the length
of his hair ending somewhere along his collar cascading past his shoulders. He
pulls out a piece of paper and unfolds it. “Room 2025.” He reads out loud
before looking back up at Jonghyun’s confused face. “Right?”

“Right.” Jonghyun voices a minute later.

And when Taemin reaches the paper out to Jonghyun and
Jonghyun realizes that the boy is about near him Jonghyun stumbles back,
holding his towel with one hand while the other stretches forward to halt
Taemin. Taemin tilts his head in contemplation, one brow gradually rising to
his hairline.

“Uhm. Excuse me.” Jonghyun spins on his heel and heads for
the door.

“Huh. But you-“

“I just remembered.” Jonghyun forces a smile on his face as
he holds the door open. “I have…practice.”

“You’re in a-“ Jonghyun disappears behind the door.
“-towel.” Taemin ends lamely, his hands bumping against his sides as he stares
at the door.

This was the second.

~o~

Apparently switching rooms for the second time with the
reason of doubting his roommate’s sexuality does not bode well with the head of
the dorms. Who also happens to be gay and unappreciative of the way Jonghyun
walked into his office with a towel and request slip.

Jonghyun earned himself a bad record as well as puzzled
stares from people at the halls and dorms as he pads off in his towel. The only
way to start a semester, really.

So he saunters over to Jinki and Kibum’s room where Jinki is
flinging picture frames and comforter blankets. His roommate, Kibum, answers
the door with a tilted baseball cap and baggy clothes. “This might be a bad
time.” He says over the sounds of crashing figurines caused by a rampaging
Jinki in the background.

“I’m his best friend. “ Jonghyun frowns and upon hearing his
voice Jinki dashes for him, shoving Kibum out of the way and tackling
Jonghyun’s half naked form in a hug.

“Minho left me! He left me, Jonghyun!”

~o~

Taemin comes back to the dorm room with the sound of tape
unraveling and he automatically pictures his brunette roommate packing his
stuff back up into boxes. It was insulting, yes. But not much more than what
Jonghyun was actually doing.

“What’s going on?” Taemin asks meekly from the doorway as he
eyes the line of red tape drawn to cut the room in half. Jonghyun’s rising from
his crouch after having covered the last of his terrain. He straightens,
tossing the roll of red tape on his bed.

“Taemin, right?”

“Yeah.” Taemin’s brows draw together as he shuts the door
behind him. “What is this?”

“Listen.” Jonghyun’s voice reeks of forced politeness. “It’s
nothing personal-“ Is it just him or has he been saying this a lot lately?
“-I’m just very particular when it comes to my… stuff.”

“D’you think I’m gonna steal your stuff?”

“Whaaaaaat?”
Jonghyun’s voice aims for a pitch that could have been a lot lower in order to
sound natural. “No. No. Oh god, no.” Jonghyun coughs more than laughs. “I just.
I like marking my territory.”

Taemin’s eyes idly drop to the line, his toes on his side,
Jonghyun’s on his, and it hits him that this isn’t going to be much of a
semester to look forward to. But his father taught him well and he remembers
promising to make friends and be nice. So he forces a smile and tosses it
Jonghyun’s way. Jonghyun might have flinched. But Taemin never noticed. “Hey,
at least you know not to use urine. Ha ha. Am I right? Right?” Taemin attempts
a friendly punch on the shoulder but this time Jonghyun actually flinches away.
Taemin’s arm drops back to his side.

“Ha.” Jonghyun stutters out through the awkward air.
“Funny.” He clears his throat, flicking his head to the side as he catches
sight of Taemin’s backpack next to the television.

Which was on his
side of the room.

Jonghyun walks to the bag and holds it up, lightly shoving
it in Taemin’s toothpick arms.

“Thanks.” Taemin nods, gently placing his bag on his
mattress. He works the zipper open; ready to drop everything when Jonghyun
makes it known that he isn’t done yet.

“So, uhm. Couple of ground rules.” Jonghyun clasps his hands
together to catch Taemin’s attention. It works. “I’m a music major so-“

“Really?” Taemin’s eyes beam up. “That’s so cool coz I have
this friend that-“

“Yeah yeah. And the thing is,” In hindsight, Jonghyun was
being awfully rude. Disgustingly so. But he had rules to lie. “from time to
time, when I’m writing I’d like there to be silence. I usually write during the
hours of 6pm onwards so if you’ll be staying in you should try keeping it down
a bit.”

Taemin nods, eyes narrow.

“Or you could stay out. Whichever works for you. Also, If
you’re going to come home drunk aim for the toilet. And try your best not to
bump into anything-“

“I don’t drink.” Taemin chirps but it goes unnoticed.

“I prefer the lights out before eleven since my classes are
pretty early and I’m out most of the weekends so that’s the most that you’ll be
able to get the room to yourself.” Jonghyun finishes with a smile. “Questions?”

“Is cooking okay?”

“I think it’s against the dorm’s rules. Besides, you can buy
your food at the cafeteria downstairs.”

“But they don’t open for breakfast. Or midnight snacks.”

Jonghyun just shrugs unhelpfully.

Taemin nods more of his understanding and stands up, patting
his shirt that’s ten sizes too big down by the thighs. Jonghyun’s already picking
his things out and setting books on his shelves. “Can I use the TV?”

Jonghyun is in the middle of fixing his books by author.
“Yeah, sure. Just not during the hours that I’m writing.”

Taemin doesn’t mention how it’s the only times that he can
since his classes end at five. “What about the bathroom?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s on your side.”

“Oh. Well, I guess you can cross the line. For hygienic
purposes. So.”

“Oh. Cool.” Taemin sinks his hands in his back pockets as he
heel-toes off to the bathroom, keeping close to the edge of the line without
crossing it.

~o~

Jonghyun doesn’t think that he’s asking for too much.

Taemin, on the other hand, still finds himself crossing the
boundaries past the line that has already been clearly and literally drawn. It started with the ukulele incident. And
Jonghyun makes it seem so much like a big deal when really it’s just a time
when Taemin played the ukulele during 7:30 pm. Jonghyun silently stormed out of
the room then, only returning two hours later from Jinki’s room, finding Taemin
in the bathroom. Jonghyun hops in his bed and pretends to be asleep;
purposefully shutting the lights off just because he knows how freaked out
Taemin is by the dark.

This is a little out of place. But there was this one
instance when Jonghyun was making his way to the music lab when a familiar head
of auburn hair reaches his periphery.

“I guess they meant it when they said this school was all
about diversity.” A group of guys making it past Taemin say. It’s the first
time Jonghyun sees Taemin in the boy’s uniform and god, does he look awkward
with his narrow frame and long hair. “I mean we’ve got girls. Guys. Guys that
look like girls.”

A roar of laughter follows and Taemin keeps his head down,
leaving the group and crossing the lobby to the next bridge. Jonghyun leaves
the scene with the image of Taemin’s head bent low.

“I have Computer Design with that guy, I think.” Jinki
mumbles over his cup of noodles. “He’s really pretty.”

“Whatever.” Jonghyun shoves a dumpling in his mouth. “He’s
annoying as fuck.”

“Jonghyun.”

“What?”

“Don’t be rude. You can be unrational at times.”

“Irrational.”
Jonghyun flicks his bangs to one side, eyes on his notebook of lyrics that he’s
about to wipe out completely again because his concentration is off and
inspiration doesn’t visit him as much as he’d want it to. “Where’s your new
best friend then?”

“Who?”

“Kibum.”

“Of all the people to be jealous of you pick the one who
thinks that gold teeth is, and I quote, doper than life itself.”

~o~

Jonghyun’s in the middle of contemplating rhyming heart with
crotch (he hasn’t slept in a while so…) when the buttons on Taemin’s controller
come crashing in on his ears more so than necessary.

He turns his head around and finds Taemin in an Indian seat
a few feet from the TV, humungous earphones donned to silence it and his tongue
peeking out from the corner of his mouth. Taemin’s wrestler name is Goliath and
yes, originality isn’t one of his best points but his mounting techniques
really make up for it (Jonghyun may or may not have been sneaking a peek from
time to time). But Jonghyun’s on a deadline and his accommodation is supposed
to accommodate his solace. The button
smashing and Taemin’s ridiculous expression isn’t helping him one bit. So his
irrational side kicks in, pulls him up from his chair and lets him march up to
the extension cord. He pushes the off button and in one small flash the TV and
game console shut down.

Taemin gives the TV a careful one over first before
languidly tugging the earphone from his head and looking up at Jonghyun.

“It’s ruining my concentration.”

“I wasn’t even making any noise.” Taemin explains less
aggressively, surprisingly calm with no ounce of whine. Maybe Jonghyun feels
slightly guilty, but he keeps his guard up because he wasn’t at fault.

“You were pushing the buttons like a maniac it’s basically
the same thing!” Jonghyun answers back accompanied with an exaggerated
demonstration of how Taemin was pouncing on the controller seconds ago. “And
the light of the TV is distracting.”

Taemin lays the controller down gently, exhaling as he
pushes himself up to level with Jonghyun.

They indulge in a bit of a stare down, the air suddenly
becoming thicker and Jonghyun realizes that he isn’t breathing.

“Jonghyun?” Jinki’s voice floats in with a knock. He appears
from the other side of the door, hair a mess. “Hey, dude, I’m hungry. Do you
have anything to eat-oh, hi.”

Jinki beams at Taemin nervously, patting his hair down and
Jonghyun rolls his eyes. “Hi.” Taemin answers back, averting his gaze, hands
behind his back.

“You’re Taemin, right?”

Taemin nods.

“I’m Jinki. Jonghyun’s friend.”

Taemin bows like the polite little brat that he is, shoving
his hair from his eyes as he straightens back up. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Jonghyun exhales loudly, walking back to his desk and
leaning on the edge.

“Is he giving you a hard time?” Jinki lets himself in,
nodding his head towards Jonghyun with his smile still directed at Taemin.

Taemin tilts his head.

“Don’t worry about it. He just needs some getting used to.”

“I’ve dealt with worse.” Taemin answers, ignoring the snort
that he elicits from Jonghyun. “Are you hungry? Because I made some roasted
chicken.”

“You made it? Like, cooked?”

Taemin practically skips to the rice cooker he brought with
him, sitting after the foot of his bed. “Come sit.” He says to Jinki and Jinki
drops to the floor as Taemin pushes the cooker in front of Jinki, taking the
lid off and letting the aroma fill the room. He supplies two pairs of steel
chopsticks and spoons, giving the second set to Jinki while Jinki graciously
accepts them with a slight bow. “Smells delicious, Taemin.”

“Thanks.” Taemin grins from ear to ear as he settles
opposite Jinki on the floor. He gives Jonghyun a glance and is replied with
defiant kind of stare that just makes Taemin smile even more, eyes in upturned
crescents. Taemin takes out another set of utensils and holds them out in
Jonghyun’s direction. “You hungry? I made plenty.”

Jonghyun’s lie hangs on his tongue as his stomach accepts
defeat because the chicken just smells way too delicious and he can’t deny it
for much longer.

Jonghyun swallows, silently sitting next to Taemin but still
keeping himself on his side of the line. Apparently this pleases Taemin, his
eyes shining with delight when Jonghyun takes the chopsticks and flicks his
bangs out of his eyes.

Jinki and Taemin watch as Jonghyun takes the first bite.
While the mixture of vegetables and chicken juices marinade Jonghyun’s tongue,
his eyes go wide. And Taemin smiles as if he just found the cure to cancer.
“It’s good, right?”

Jonghyun chews for about three times before shrugging and
scooting closer to the cooker. “It’s okay.” It was magical.

Jinki takes a spoonful for himself, his reaction much more
enthusiastic than Jonghyun’s.

“You like to cook?” Jinki asks minutes later while Jonghyun
nibbles on his food.

Taemin nods. “I always used to cook back at home. My dad
loves all the dishes I make. Even the ones that don’t taste very good.”

“What about your mom?” Jinki takes another spoonful.

“She passed away when I was young.” Taemin answers with a
small smile as if to automatically let them know that they don’t have to say
anything. So they don’t. But Jonghyun stops chewing for a millisecond.

“Are you an art major?” Jonghyun asks later when he notices
a paint smeared t shirt hanging from Taemin’s chair.

“Yeah.” Taemin answers briefly while Jinki laughs a little.

“He’s been your roommate for a week and you still don’t know
his major?”

Jonghyun aims his stare at Jinki with pure defiance. “I’m
taking my time.”

“Right.” Jinki answers with wide eyes. “I’m an art major
too. You’re not in all of my classes though.”

“No.” Taemin shakes his head. “I already took some of them
last year so I don’t have that many units this semester.”

“Cool.” Jinki gives him this look that Jonghyun knows all
too well. “How are you settling in here so far?”

“Uhm.” Taemin hums. “I don’t know. It’s different. I miss
home sometimes. But I manage. Some people are more welcoming than others.”

Jonghyun isn’t quite sure if that comment is in anyway
directed at him, but it does not stop him from clinking his chopsticks against
the rim of the cooker with one brow higher than the other. “I’m just being
selective with my friends. I think we all have a right to do that.”

They stay silent after that, Jinki keeping his grin to
himself while Taemin did the same and Jonghyun didn’t understand why this
connection forming between the two was bothering him. Didn’t Jinki have
something important to do tonight? Why was he still here?

“So listen,” Jinki begins. “I’ve got a two hour lunch break
tomorrow beginning at 12:30. You’re welcome to join me. Since Jonghyun’s got a
class.”

Jonghyun’s eyes go small, his stare bouncing from Jinki’s
expectant one to Taemin’s growing smile.

“I’d like that. Thanks.” Taemin chirps.

And Jonghyun thinks that he hates Taemin’s voice.

~o~

During Jonghyun’s 12 to 2 class all he keeps focusing on is
Jinki and Taemin sitting on a table continuing to smile at each other and it
causes his mind to blank out for the entirety of his class. He misses keys on
the piano, stumbles on the box of flutes and fumbles with his words. He was a
wreck for no valid reason.

Later, when he returns to an empty room no sooner than 5 pm
the room is empty and Jonghyun flips the light switch open, staring at the red
line across the room.

He scratches his neck as he walks in, dumping his bag on the
bean bag chair next to his desk. He then breathes heavily, focusing his tired
eyes on Taemin’s messy desk, paint brushes and pencils scattered everywhere.

The thing about Jonghyun is that he appreciates cleanliness
not much like the next guy. So he takes wide strides towards Taemin’s desk and
attempts to clear it up a bit, thinking that he said it the first day, allowing
the lines to blur for hygiene’s sake so this should be okay.

He collects the brushes and pencils, piling them in the
pencil holder by Taemin’s shelf. Then his eyes land on Taemin’s sketchbook and
a forbidden sense of curiosity creeps up on him.

He shouldn’t.

Should he?

A little peek won’t hurt.

And besides, if Taemin didn’t want it seen then he should
have done a better job of hiding it.

Jonghyun hauls the chair and takes a seat, taking the
sketchbook in his hands and flipping to the middle page where he finds a rough
sketch of a farm outlined across the spread of the page. Jonghyun tests his
finger on the drawing of a house in the middle of a field, the tip of his
finger staining black.

This must be his house, Jonghyun thinks, imagining how
lovely the color must look had the picture allowed him better visions of the
place. He flips to the next page and finds a more neatly drawn picture of a man
with Taemin’s sunshine of a smile. The man was older and the details of the
lines around his eyes were uncanny. Jonghyun’s lips lift into a small smile
without him noticing.

As he’s about to turn to the next page, the hairs of his
neck stand up to attention. His head spins to the side and sure enough, his
senses allow him a view of the cause of his physiological reaction. A cockroach
crawls and falls to the floor from the window and Jonghyun all but jumps at the
sight. He did not shriek though, no. Because even if anyone else in the dorm
heard him, he’ll deny it to his last breath.

Jonghyun kicks his slippers off and grabs them in his hands,
backing away from the struggling insect and he actually jumps this time because
the cockroach is crawling his way. The goosebumps on his arms go wild and he
rushes to the chair, stands on it and keeps his arms and legs near his center.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck” he chants with terror written all over his features.

The insect disappears under Taemin’s bed and Jonghyun can’t
breathe. He’s torn. He wasn’t the cockroach to leap somewhere clear so he can
squish it with the might of ten Vikings but at the same time the thought of it
crunching beneath his slipper sends daggers down his spine.

The door clicks open and Taemin stands beneath the doorframe
with his eyes wide. “Jonghyun?”

“Taemin!” Jonghyun sighs. “Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.”

“What’s going on-“

“No!” Jonghyun raises his slipper filled hand to stop Taemin
from proceeding any further. “There’s a cockroach on the loose!”

“A cockroach.” Taemin deadpans. “That’s why you’re on the
chair?”

“I’m on the chair because it gives me a clearer view of the
room. I’m not scared. Or whatever.” Jonghyun says but his tone isn’t as
convincing and Taemin’s already smiling. “Shut up.”

“Where is it?” Taemin drops his bag to the floor and
stretches a hand out to Jonghyun. “Give me a slipper. I don’t need two. Where
is it?”

“Under the bed. Your bed.”

After having successfully annihilated the cockroach twenty
minutes later Jonghyun makes Taemin promise to never speak of the incident
again. Ever. Taemin agrees, but not without giving Jonghyun a hard time.

~o~

As Jonghyun walks alongside Kibum on their way to meet Jinki
in the cafeteria, they find Taemin wandering around the grounds with a wooden
crate in his hands.

Jonghyun doesn’t know why but seeing Taemin walking about in
his regular clothing (which usually consists of impossibly loose shirts that
end around his thighs and painted on pants-making it seem as if he’s wearing an
odd dress of sorts) and his bangs loose and free around his face while the rest
of his hair is up in a ponytail makes him want to hide behind a bush or
something. Just keep out of Taemin’s sight.

Because every single time Taemin sees him around the
universities his eyes light up and he’s grinning from ear to ear like a kid
brought to the candy store for the first time. It creeps Jonghyun out, and
gives him headaches at night. In the mornings too when he wakes up and Taemin’s
still asleep and the morning light shines on his angles and limbs and Jonghyun
wants to write a song about it and he doesn’t understand why in the actual fuck
that is.

So Jonghyun stops, eyes the nearest bush while Kibum notices
him, crossing his arms over his chest. “Jjong?”

Taemin sees him then and does exactly what Jonghyun expects.
The crate in his arms is of a normal size, but in Taemin’s arms it looks much
bigger and heavier, and Taemin’s arms seem as if they’re about to fall off.
“Hey!”

Taemin greets them, Kibum tilts his head at the boy and
Jonghyun stiffly waves the hand by the strap of his bag. “Hi.”

Taemin settles the crate on the ground and pulls a paper out
of his pocket, handing it over between them. “Jonghyun, do you know where this
is?”

Jonghyun doesn’t reach out for the paper and it makes for
one very awkward thirty seconds. Kibum snatches the paper after exhaling
heavily, rolling his eyes at Jonghyun. Jinki and he are roommates which is why
it comes as no surprise to Jonghyun when Kibum says, “You must be Taemin.” to
the auburn haired boy while scanning the writing on the paper.

Taemin nods enthusiastically before bowing. Kibum bows back,
not as low as Taemin. “I’m Jonghyun’s roommate.”

“Word.” Kibum replies while Taemin makes a face at the
unusual reply. “Oh yeah, I know this place. This is Changmin hyung’s café.”

Taemin smiles wider at the familiar name. “Yes. I knew him
from before coz of my dad’s farm. I hear he opened up a café near here but I
don’t know how to get there.”

“It’s easy peasy, yo.” Kibum leans back and waves his hand
while Taemin and Jonghyun exchange unsure glances. Kibum signals Taemin closer
to face the paper back to him and point at the first line of the vague
instructions. “This landmark is at the back of the school. You take a right
from there towards the pool then another right ‘til you hit the fountain.”

Kibum roughly pats the paper flat on Taemin’s chest.
Jonghyun almost laughs then. “Oh.” Taemin answers, clearly allowing everything
that Kibum just said to fly over his head. “Right. Er. Jonghyun, can you take
me?”

“I have class.” Jonghyun answers flatly.

Taemin’s expression falls into a pout that makes Jonghyun
want to run away. So he tugs at Kibum’s sleeve and drags him towards the
cafeteria’s direction.

“You’ll be fine. Five minutes and you’re there.” Jonghyun
assures as him and Kibum proceed further towards the entrance of the first
building.

~o~

It’s a little over 5 pm when Jonghyun’s feet lead him to the
fountain behind the school. He doesn’t mean to see Taemin there. And nothing he
ever did before was dictated by the intention of making someone else happy.
Apart from his mother. But he does catch Taemin seated on the crate he was
carrying earlier, eyes on the fountain in the distance.

Jonghyun approaches Taemin without a second thought, jogging
almost to get to him.

When he’s close enough Taemin looks up, smile no longer on
his lips and it breaks something in Jonghyun that he can’t comprehend. “You
couldn’t find it?”

“I got lost.” Taemin rubs his eyes with one hand, the paper
from before almost torn and worn in his hand.

“You’ve been walking around all this time?”

“Up until a few minutes ago, yeah.” Taemin answers, not
complains and Jonghyun finds it amazing. Because had the tables been turned
Jonghyun would have been screaming Taemin’s ass off for not accompanying him.
“Where’s the guy you were with earlier? The peculiar one?”

“Kibum? He had to practice his rap for his solo.”

“He raps?”

Taemin’s expression of half shock, half doubt makes Jonghyun
laugh lightly, causing Taemin to do the same. “He thinks he’s black.”

“That.” Taemin considers it. “Makes sense actually.”

“Why didn’t you ask someone else for directions?” Jonghyun
flicks his hair out of his eyes, shifting his weight on both his feet.

“I don’t know anyone else. And I don’t trust anyone else to
take me there.” Taemin folds the paper and tucks it back in his pocket. He
stands up and Jonghyun walks back a bit just to keep some distance in between
them. “Can you take me there?”

Jonghyun thinks about it. Then he feels stupid because he
shouldn’t have to think about it. “Sure. It can be a thank you for killing the
cockroach. And many other cockroaches to come.”

Taemin’s smile returns, blinding and infectious, as he takes
the crate and follows Jonghyun to the café.

~o~

Jonghyun slides the door of the café open for Taemin and
they walk inside. A lean and rather tall man from the counter greets Taemin
with a smile and takes the crate from his hands, crushing Taemin into a bear
hug after having settled the crate on one of the tables.

Jonghyun has walked by this café before but never really
stopped to take a good look at it. He remembered liking the warm light from the
inside, how welcoming and open it was because of the entire café being
comprised of glass and couches, warm orangey light bulbs and minimal crowds.

Taemin and the man (who Jonghyun assumes is Changmin) catch
up a bit by the counter while Jonghyun waits by one of the tables, shifting
from one foot to another because he’s feeling slightly out of place.

“You’ve grown since I last saw you.” Changmin comments as he
ruffles Taemin’s hair affectionately. Taemin goodheartedly smacks Changmin’s
hand away, patting his already messy fringe back in place. “Did you find the
café okay?”

“Jonghyun brought me.” Taemin gestures towards Jonghyun.

Jonghyun bows from the distance while Changmin nods his way.
Just then Changmin mumbles something to Taemin that Jonghyun can’t hear well
enough from where he’s standing. Whatever it was that he said made Taemin’s
cheeks flush and hit Changmin on the shoulder.

“He’s a friend, hyung.” Taemin whispers, hiding behind his
bangs. While Changmin just nods.

A little later Changmin invites them to the garden of the
café where tables where also laid out and Christmas lights tangled around the
trees. There was a stage in the front of the lawn, humble and made out of wood
with two high chairs, two guitars and two microphones on top.

Jonghyun follows Taemin to one of the tables, Taemin’s hands
full with two plates of free chocolate cakes given to them by Changmin.

“Changmin’s a friend of my dad’s. My dad sends him wine
every month.” Taemin explains as they nibble on their chocolate cake.

“Your dad makes the wine?”

Taemin nods. “From our farm.”

When they stay silent after that Jonghyun realizes for the
first time that he’s never felt more relaxed since settling into the
university. When in a group with his friends he always feels the need to be
responsible or something akin to that desire. Right now, however, it’s as if
he’s breathing for the first time.

“You’re a music major, right?” Taemin asks while Jonghyun
rolls his eyes.  “What?”

“I know where this is going.”

Taemin smiles. “What do you mean?”

“When I say yes you’re gonna ask me if I play the guitar.
And when I say yes to that you’re gonna ask me to go upstage and play something
since it’s open mic tonight.”

The other boy pats his hands on his jeans, aiming his smile
downwards before looking back up again. “Then what are you gonna say after I
ask you to play something?”

Jonghyun returns his stare and all of the lights in the café
seem to glow brighter when Taemin leans his jaw on his one hand on the table.
“I’m not very good.”

“I think you’ll be fine.”

“I’m not ready.” Jonghyun answers more genuinely this time
and when his eyes land on the garnish of his cake Taemin doesn’t pry.

Changmin joins them minutes later, a tray of rice and other
dishes in his hand. “Hope you boys haven’t eaten yet.”

And after what seems like decades of Taemin saying thank you but this is too much and
Jonghyun just watching Changmin ply food after food on the table, the night
turned into something straight out of a movie.

Changmin settles on the seat next to Jonghyun, joining them
with dinner and indulging in conversation. He tells Jonghyun stories about
Taemin as a child, how he used to look after him when his parents would go out
and how Taemin never made a sound and kept to himself.

Jonghyun shares parts of his childhood, about how he
couldn’t sit still in one place for too long and Changmin made a comment about
how the two of them should have met since long ago-Taemin could keep Jonghyun
still while Jonghyun could pull Taemin out of his own little world.

When the conversation shifts to Taemin’s dad Jonghyun is
asked about his family and he goes on to say how his own dad passed away when
he was younger too. Taemin doesn’t say sorry like the rest of the people and
Jonghyun expects that much when he takes into account how he dismisses the
subject of his mother’s death all the time. They have that line between them,
some sort of cosmic connection that makes Jonghyun want to try harder and not
leave Taemin to wander about the grounds by himself anymore.

Midway through a joke Changmin was telling it begins to rain
so them along with the other guests at the café shuffle back inside. With
Taemin opposite Jonghyun on the couch they watch as the rivulets of water crawl
lower on the glass, the smell of rain mixing with coffee and pastries.

Click to view

When the rain stops and it’s almost midnight Jonghyun and
Taemin bid Changmin goodbye and make their way back to the dorms.

“Hey Taemin.” Jonghyun says as soon as they’re by the empty

street, underneath lampposts and far from the café. “About Changmin.”

“What about Changmin.”

“Is he… you know…” Jonghyun struggles and Taemin remains
baffled by his side. “Er, is he. Well, gay?”

Taemin scratches his nose. “Why do you ask?”

“I dunno.” Jonghyun shrugs. “Just curious. Is he?”

“Are you interested?”

Jonghyun shoves Taemin playfully by the shoulder while
Taemin laughs.

“I’m serious.”

Taemin focuses his gaze on his feet. “Why would you think
that I’d know if ever he was?”

“I dunno. Coz it takes one to know one.”

Taemin stops then, hands by his sides and Jonghyun spins
around to face him. “I’m not gay.”

Jonghyun can’t control his lips from forming into a smile,
misunderstanding Taemin and thinking that he was joking. After a few seconds of
Taemin’s stiff expression Jonghyun stops. “You’re not?”

“No.” Taemin answers without hesitation. “You think I’m gay?
Is that why you’re acting the way that you are?”

“What?”

“Is that why you drew a line in our room? Because you think
I’m gonna hit on you or something?”

“No! Taemin, of course not. I-“ By this point, Jonghyun
can’t find it in himself to lie anymore so he just sighs, flicking the hair out
of his eyes. “It’s nothing personal-“

“Yes it is. You always say that when you’re about to say
something personal. Just like how Jinki says no offense right before he offends
you. You guys are friends.”

“No, really. It’s not, Taemin. I just.” Jonghyun means it.
The one time he means it he feels like a douche. “The way that you dress and
your hair. It makes you seem… gay.”

“That’s stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” It’s the first
time Jonghyun’s seen Taemin talk without his eyes vanishing into his smile or
trying to be polite. “Do you even know what gay means?”

“Yes.”

“What does it mean then?”

“It means. Guys that are girly and like other guys.”

“Well, I’m not girly. Far from it.” Taemin points at his
chest. “And I don’t like guys. So why am I gay?”

“Jesus, Taemin. I’m sorry, okay? I made a mistake.” Jonghyun
tries shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’m not the only one who thinks so if
that makes things bett-oh fuck, wait no. That doesn’t sound right. It’s just
because of how you present yourself. Everyone else thinks you bat for the other
team. The pink team.”

“I hate pink.” Taemin answers monotonously and Jonghyun
tries not laugh because this is a serious matter.

“Sorry. But I can’t be the only person that made this
mistake.”

“No.” Taemin answers. “But I was hoping that you wouldn’t. I
don’t dress up the way that I do or grow my hair for anyone else. I’m
comfortable this way. I don’t do it to put on a show. Or to get it across that
I like guys.”

“So, you’re straight.”

“I’m fine.” Taemin
throws his hands up in the air. “Isn’t that enough? I’ve never liked a guy
before. Or a girl. I’m more asexual than I am a homo, trust me.”

Jonghyun laughs then because all of the seriousness is
making his head spin and Taemin being straight relieves him somehow. “Okay.”

~o~

Later that night as they enter their dorm room, Jonghyun
stares at the puddle collecting on their floor. “The fuck?” he aims a
questioning stare at Taemin’s no less puzzled one.

They remove their shoes and walk on the shallow water,
heading towards their beds and the answer to all of their questions appear in
the form of their balcony door left open. “Shit!” Jonghyun rushes to his
things, trying to salvage his guitar while Taemin lifts the extension cords
from the floor.

“Oh no, Taemin.”

“What?”

“Your mattress is wet.”

And just as Taemin rushes to his bed, slipping almost if not
for Jonghyun catching his arm in time, the rain starts up again. Jonghyun
closes the sliding door before sending an apologetic look towards Taemin who is
currently staring at his drenched sheets. “I think I left this open earlier.
Sorry.”

Taemin looks tired and awfully confused. He silently walks to
the bathroom, gathering a mop and a pail. He lays the pail beside him and
begins to mop at the bed. Jonghyun is left by the sliding door, feeling more
and more sorry. It wasn’t just about leaving the sliding door open. It was
about not being much or roommate to Taemin. It was sickening feeling, unfurling
and nagging the pit in his stomach left empty because of his unjust judgments.

He walks over to Taemin’s mattress and tries to lift it up
from the wood. When Jonghyun is groaning helplessly from the added weight of
the water, Taemin comes over and helps him with it.

“You can take my bed.” Jonghyun suggests later once they’ve
cleared the water on the floor. “I’ll sleep at Jinki’s.”

Taemin scratches his nape. “Are you sure?”

“It’s my fault anyways. Don’t worry about it.”

Taemin looks over Jonghyun’s shoulder to his bed, then down
to the red mark cutting the room in half. “What about the line?” He asks
quietly, the question floating in the air.

Jonghyun’s lips twitch slightly, not enough to bring it to a
smile, but enough to make it known to him that it doesn’t matter anymore.

With the floor wet and tape drenched, it’s a lot easier for
Jonghyun to tug the red tape from the floor and discard it in the trash been,
bringing the room back into its rightful state; shared accommodation. Taemin
doesn’t move, just watches as Jonghyun gathers clothes from his cabinet and
stands gawkily by the door. “Night.” He says before walking out the room and
feeling ten times lighter.

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-- please know that this was inspired by the cutest
lgbt movie i've ever seen called yes or no. it's a thai
movie so. check it out if these kinds of movies interest you.
even if they don't. watch it. aahhh, another unfinished fic
i know. but i was so inspired to write this after seeing
the movie that i just couldn't wait. and there's more to
it during the last part which i will post. soon. no more
promises coz i always feel as if i'm disappointing you
guys BOO HOO ME. so yeah. comment coz i miss you
all. :) tell me whatcha think. also, i'm thinking about
starting a writing spree where i manipulate and alter
fairy tales or bed time stories (i.e. little red riding hood,
three little pigs, princess and the pea etc) and turn them into
fics with my own voice splayed all over it. :)) but that won't
come about until i finish the drafts i have so. :(