What has happened?
I finally realized today... not just today... about like 2 seconds ago... that I am allowed to do stupid things sometimes, I'm allowed to make the wrong decision about somethings, and I'm allowed to act like a kid... because I still am one, well partially anyway. I've never wanted to grow up, yet time is forcing me to, but I am not grown yet. I'll act mature, do my work, drive my car, but I'll be allowed those leisures of being ignorant and stupid and embrace them every time that they happen.
I made my first real decision today, I didn't like it. Either way I was going to feel bad. But that decision made me realize that I AM just a kid, just a teenager, those "weird middle years" between a small child and a full grown adult. Some people say that if you ask any adult that they'll say that they want to go back to the years of when they were a teenager, but not a single one of my parents do, and they've told me so. I don't want to become an adult for one main reason: I don't want to lie about my past, nor do I want to lie to my kids that their teenage years will be whistful and carefree. I feel like weights have just been piled onto my chest until I've almost broken and I don't want to do that anymore. I'll fight my battles how I want to, and not take shit from anybody. I'll do what I feel right when it feels right and not do something when it doesn't. I've realized that I am at liberty to do that.
I've never been grounded before, but it's just what I've needed to get my head straight. I've kept journals before and whenever I go back and read them I realize that I was such a little kid when I wrote what I wrote, but then I look at the date and realize that it was basically just yesterday. I am a kid, but not a little child, I am an adult, but not a full blown, acne-free, every care in the world adult. Being a teen ager sucks, but I'll take every day of it and suck in the fresh air and wonderful water while I can get it, because hell knows when I'm going to die. Maybe I was middle aged when I was ten. Wouldn't that suck?
Well, this entry seems very flip floppy as I tend to be, but I can tell you one thing. I'm starting to become my own me, and I hope you all like it, but I'm not expecting you to.
I do love you all as my buddies and HOPE that we can stay buddies in the future, but as of late I'm realizing more and more that friends that I've had in high school maybe aren't going to stick around in college... or maybe I'm not going to stick around... however anybody veiws it...
that's sad.
I love you guys.
Being a senior is scary, and I'm not even a senior yet.
Hoping to become the real me.
Ellen
I made my first real decision today, I didn't like it. Either way I was going to feel bad. But that decision made me realize that I AM just a kid, just a teenager, those "weird middle years" between a small child and a full grown adult. Some people say that if you ask any adult that they'll say that they want to go back to the years of when they were a teenager, but not a single one of my parents do, and they've told me so. I don't want to become an adult for one main reason: I don't want to lie about my past, nor do I want to lie to my kids that their teenage years will be whistful and carefree. I feel like weights have just been piled onto my chest until I've almost broken and I don't want to do that anymore. I'll fight my battles how I want to, and not take shit from anybody. I'll do what I feel right when it feels right and not do something when it doesn't. I've realized that I am at liberty to do that.
I've never been grounded before, but it's just what I've needed to get my head straight. I've kept journals before and whenever I go back and read them I realize that I was such a little kid when I wrote what I wrote, but then I look at the date and realize that it was basically just yesterday. I am a kid, but not a little child, I am an adult, but not a full blown, acne-free, every care in the world adult. Being a teen ager sucks, but I'll take every day of it and suck in the fresh air and wonderful water while I can get it, because hell knows when I'm going to die. Maybe I was middle aged when I was ten. Wouldn't that suck?
Well, this entry seems very flip floppy as I tend to be, but I can tell you one thing. I'm starting to become my own me, and I hope you all like it, but I'm not expecting you to.
I do love you all as my buddies and HOPE that we can stay buddies in the future, but as of late I'm realizing more and more that friends that I've had in high school maybe aren't going to stick around in college... or maybe I'm not going to stick around... however anybody veiws it...
that's sad.
I love you guys.
Being a senior is scary, and I'm not even a senior yet.
Hoping to become the real me.
Ellen