(no subject)
It's been an interesting time home in the last week I've been here. I'm bored out of my mind and yet at the same time, I just need to be bored and chill for a while. But my parents don't seem to get that. MY schedule is to stay up late and sleep in. The meds I take make me tired, I can't help that. My mom has been ok, but my dad has just been so harsh. He's snapping all the time and the only reason he's mad is because he's mad at my grandpa who's been sneaking around and lying. And I know everyone in my family is disappointed with my grandpa, but my dad is making it hard to be around him.
And I'm getting more and more stressed about hiding things like tattoos and piercings. But I'm 19, I shouldn't have to hide these things. And yet, I know my parents would freak, and be upset and disappointed in me. I can't deal with that right now. They are both disappointed in my for weight and give me so much crap for not taking care of myself. I can't tell you how many times my mom has brought up me failing to get a flu shot this season. Get over it, I didn't get one! But it's hard just eating at home. I don't eat till the afternoon because I"m not hungry and then we eat dinner so early that I'm hungry at like 10. Then I have to be careful with what I'm eating because my parents are judging me. My dad just tells me to starve myself--eat one meal a day. Like seriously. How am I ever supposed to be happy with the way I look if they can't accept me. And to top it off, my "friend" Avik posts this into a message to all of our friends this evening after I called him out on being a dick:
"Jes - Screw you. It's a bit of a deal to me when people make fun of my name, so when people misspell it it's a small insult. I'm sure someone somewhere has teased you for being fat. I'm sure you don't appreciate people reminding you. I don't like being made feel different. But I don't expect you to step out of your own point of view to understand mine. So whatever, enjoy."
So yea, life sucks.
And I miss Brandon, like crazy. We talk on the phone every night at midnight when we open the next day on our advent calendars. I know we are dorks, but he's my best friend. We have nothing in common, but at the same time everything in common. IDK, he just means a lot to me.
So if my sister in law doesn't pop this kid out soon, I might wilt and die here in San Bruno. Anyone want to hang out?
And Christmas, don't even get me started on how disappointed I am with xmas this year. I've just lost the spirit because of what the holdiay has turned into...I'll post more later
And I'm getting more and more stressed about hiding things like tattoos and piercings. But I'm 19, I shouldn't have to hide these things. And yet, I know my parents would freak, and be upset and disappointed in me. I can't deal with that right now. They are both disappointed in my for weight and give me so much crap for not taking care of myself. I can't tell you how many times my mom has brought up me failing to get a flu shot this season. Get over it, I didn't get one! But it's hard just eating at home. I don't eat till the afternoon because I"m not hungry and then we eat dinner so early that I'm hungry at like 10. Then I have to be careful with what I'm eating because my parents are judging me. My dad just tells me to starve myself--eat one meal a day. Like seriously. How am I ever supposed to be happy with the way I look if they can't accept me. And to top it off, my "friend" Avik posts this into a message to all of our friends this evening after I called him out on being a dick:
"Jes - Screw you. It's a bit of a deal to me when people make fun of my name, so when people misspell it it's a small insult. I'm sure someone somewhere has teased you for being fat. I'm sure you don't appreciate people reminding you. I don't like being made feel different. But I don't expect you to step out of your own point of view to understand mine. So whatever, enjoy."
So yea, life sucks.
And I miss Brandon, like crazy. We talk on the phone every night at midnight when we open the next day on our advent calendars. I know we are dorks, but he's my best friend. We have nothing in common, but at the same time everything in common. IDK, he just means a lot to me.
So if my sister in law doesn't pop this kid out soon, I might wilt and die here in San Bruno. Anyone want to hang out?
And Christmas, don't even get me started on how disappointed I am with xmas this year. I've just lost the spirit because of what the holdiay has turned into...I'll post more later