all I want is the taste that your lips allow (suho/kai)
All I want is the taste that your lips allow
Suho/Kai. PG-13 to R (for brief sexual content). 3.4k words.
Sehun doesn't expect Jongin to bite the bait and pull such a convincing April Fool's prank on Joonmyun. Jongin doesn't expect the joke to be on him, either.
→ For the wonderful, wonderful warmboys ♥ and the amazing prompt she gave me for exoforsichuan. I really enjoyed working on this fic. Thank you for giving me the chance to write this for you c:
all I want is the taste that your lips allow
i. It starts as a joke.
April Fool's is fast approaching and Sehun comes up with this bright idea of playing a prank on Joonmyun. "Last silly thing you'll ever do before debuting," Jongin remembers Sehun telling him, and he agrees quickly, all too easily, because there's nothing to lose. Only on the day itself, when everyone but Joonmyun has left and when Joonmyun asks for help on perfecting their routine, does Jongin suddenly question his decision and think twice about actually pushing through with the plan.
"It's okay if you can't help me. I mean, you've been practicing since 5 a.m. and it's already ten and-"
Jongin shakes his head and takes Joonmyun's hands, then brings them close to his chest. His heart is beating wildly against his ribcage and his hands are cold and he's not sure why he's even nervous when this is supposed to be merely a joke. He takes a deep breath and fixes his eyes on Joonmyun's.
"I like you, hyung."
A smile slowly surfaces on Joonmyun's lips
A soft click in the background tells him that Sehun has seen the whole thing, and that he's won the game.
"So does that mean you're going to help me with the routine?"
Jongin exhales loudly and laughs a little. That wasn't so bad.
"Yeah. Of course. Anything for you."
"You owe me a cake, kid."
"Uh-huh," Sehun replies, eyes trained on the character walking on his phone. Jongin holds his breath in anticipation, waiting for a series of badly-worded jokes or a simple The cake is in the fridge, but to no avail; Sehun doesn't budge, doesn't even pause the game he's playing, and just seethes when Jongin pats him on the head.
"I'll give you one on Facebook. Or maybe an e-card," Sehun says much later, when Jongin's just about to exit the room.
"Fucker-"
Jongin quickly turns on his heel and proceeds to strangling Sehun, careful not to cause any unfortunate mishap to Sehun's phone. When Joonmyun walks into the room, they are a heap of limbs, and Joonmyun furrows his eyebrows at them.
"Are you two fighting?"
They shake their heads, and Jongin envelops Sehun in a bone-crushing hug.
"Okay. Because I thought I heard you saying fucker." Joonmyun's got his back turned on them as he busies himself with looking for clothes. After a while, he continues, "And nobody's allowed to use that word in this household but me."
Joonmyun punctuates his sentence with a soft smile. Jongin's breath hitches, and Joonmyun winks at him. He finds himself gulping down hard, gandering at the sight of Joonmyun walking through the open door, a towel resting on his shoulder, and wonders briefly what the wink was for.
Jongin wakes up with a pink cake beside his pillow and a sticky note tacked to the box, saying, Brave oppa, amazing oppa! (^o~)v Jongin seethes; it's not the best morning greeting, and he has a nagging suspicion that the cake is inedible. For him, at least.
He learns about Joonmyun's affinity to overly sweet things when Jongin places the cake on the dining table and Joonmyun lets out a gasp, a sound of excitement. "It's cute," is the first thing Joonmyun says, and Jongin just laughs, then motions for Joonmyun to just take the cake from his hands and make his life a thousand times easier.
Joonmyun looks up at him before taking a slice of the cake, asking, "You sure you don't mind me eating this?"
Jongin just shrugs and nods.
Joonmyun pokes his cheek, then motions for him to part his lips.
It must be fatigue or early morning lethargy, because everything suddenly slows down and Jongin watches with utmost curiosity the path the slice of cake travels before reaching his lips, before he presses his lips together and feels the cool metal slipping between his lips. Then time regains its normal pace, and he cocks his head slowly, looking up at Joonmyun, then at the now-sliced cake.
Jongin coughs a little. Sweet is not his style.
"Yeah. I thought it was too sweet," Joonmyun mumbles, then offers Jongin a glass of water. Jongin declines, heading for the coffee maker, instead, and goes through what has just happened in his mind as he watches coffee droplets fall to the base of the container, one by one.
People say that the day before debut is always the hardest, and Jongin doesn't realize this until today, half past eleven in the evening, his shirt drenched in sweat and tears. They've been practicing since nine in the morning and have only stopped for a break thrice - for lunch, half-assed dinner, and for Baekhyun to catch his breath. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are no longer singing, just mouthing their parts, and Joonmyun's voice soars above the rest during the chorus.
Jongin looks over his shoulder, in Joonmyun's general direction, and wonders briefly how Joonmyun can still have that much energy at such a late hour.
They finish practice at two in the morning. Chanyeol and Baekhyun fall asleep on the way home, and Kyungsoo just stares out the window, eyes wandering aimlessly. Sehun is closed out from the rest of the group, headphones blasting classical music fit for the time of the day. Jongin shifts in his seat, trying to find a comfortable fit.
There's a good few inches between him and Joonmyun and he intends to keep it that way, until Joonmyun moves closer, slowly putting an arm around his shoulders. He feels Joonmyun's hand on his head, motioning for him to rest his head on Joonmyun's shoulder, and he doesn't retaliate because it's late and he's tired.
When he wakes up, there's a small pool of drool on Joonmyun shirt.
"Hey, get up. We're here," Joonmyun says, and Jongin does as he is told. His attempts at walking a straight path are foiled when his ankles go weak, and he stumbles a little then soon regains his balance when Joonmyun grasps his wrists. He shivers - at the contact, the sudden jolt of life coursing through his veins. When he looks up, Joonmyun's smiling.
"I've got you, kid."
Jongin takes a deep breath.
ii. This is not a joke.
It doesn't take a genius to know that Joonmyun took the mock confession seriously. Jongin doesn't need another encounter with Joonmyun to be able to tell that Joonmyun either wants to get in his pants or to kiss him. Or maybe just hold his hand. Either way, he screwed up big time, and he realizes belatedly that Sehun isn't exactly the best person to talk to when it comes to these things.
"I thought I sounded sarcastic enough."
"I thought the whole thing looked like something that's been ripped off of a shoujo manga. Get real." Sehun shakes his head in disbelief. "I really expected more from you."
Jongin buries his face in his hands. He has two options - he can either tell Joonmyun that it was just a dare, that everything was Sehun's idea, even the shoujo manga execution, or he can just play along and hope the flame dies down. Either way, he'll have to live with the consequences, and he'll lose something - he just has to choose which to let go of.
"Why did I even think that was a good idea?"
"You were tired and drunk." Sehun turns to face him, a frown on his lips. "And you're confused about a lot of things."
Confused is not a word he usually associates with himself, but it feels apt for the moment. He's always had a one-track mind and his goal at the moment is to do well in performances, then for SM to actually let him sing, then to be recognized as a singer more than a dancer. He doesn't have time to think of slip-ups not related to his job, or to bother caring about a person who fell for his poor excuse of a joke. It's not part of the plan.
"I'd go all out, if I were you."
"And I'd stop listening to you if I was in my right mind, yeah."
Jongin throws his head back and he closes his eyes. He thinks of the many things that might happen, the subsequent mistakes he will be making if he does push through with playing along, and recalls Joonmyun's smile, the angled plane of Joonmyun's face, Joonmyun's lips.
He shakes his head.
The backstage is too small to contain the exhaustion and excitement of twelve men. Yixing and Lu Han are quiet in a corner, just whispering to each other from time to time and bursting into laughter soon after. Kyungsoo is rubbing circles on Baekhyun's back in the comforts of the bathroom; when they emerge from the doors, Baekhyun is shining again and on the balls of his feet. Chanyeol is resting his forehead against Kris' back, and Kris is talking to Minseok and Jongdae, telling them about the schedule the following day. Sehun's running his hands through his hair, trying to restore its former glory.
Jongin is slumped against a wall, head hung low, and Joonmyun sits beside him, maybe a bit too close.
"Finally," Joonmyun says, then rests his head on Jongin's shoulder.
Jongin freezes. He bites the inside of his cheek. Joonmyun's words are lost in a flurry of thoughts - whatdidhemeanbyfinallywhydidhesaythat what is he doing - and when Jongin surfaces from contemplating, Joonmyun's asking him, "Did you ever think we'd debut?"
"Yeah, of course," he replies. He scoffs a little. He's always been a bit too hopeful and optimistic for someone who has trained too long, but Joonmyun has trained longer, and has had his dreams shattered more times than Jongin.
"Even after being told that you're not good enough?"
Jongin smiles. He rests his head on Joonmyun's. "Yeah, even after that."
Joonmyun laughs lightly. He takes a deep breath and moves closer for warmth. Joonmyun looks much smaller than he is like this, looks much more fragile and not like Suho, and Jongin has the strangest urge to snake an arm around Joonmyun and pull him so much closer as if the lack of space between them isn't enough. Instead, he clasps his hands together in an attempt to keep himself from reaching out, from getting too close, from giving himself away.
Overseas trips and shows do not change anything. Joonmyun always finds a way to be near him and, somehow, he gravitates toward Joonmyun. He does it unconsciously, and when he looks to his side he's always a bit surprised, a bit off-guard.
"Hyung-" he begins, but always gets cut-off by whatever Joonmyun has to say.
When he decided to play along and not tell Joonmyun about the dare, it came with the consequence of having to fake everything - from his smile to the crinkle of his eyes, to the feeling bottling up in his chest whenever Joonmyun reaches out to him for a touch, a hug. When Joonmyun intertwines their fingers during end-of-the-show bows, Jongin's fingers are always cold, and he always uses nervousness and stage fright as an excuse. "It doesn't show," Joonmyun would tell him, and he'd just laugh and scoff and head off in a different direction.
When he'd look over his shoulder, Joonmyun's eyes would still be on him.
He gets used to this after a while. His actions and reactions are now more of a habit than a stimuli. In the evening, when Joonmyun's locked away in his own room and Jongin's hiding under the covers, he feels different, like he's grown accustomed to the Jongin Joonmyun wants, not the Jongin Joonmyun needs. But Joonmyun hasn't changed him. Joonmyun doesn't make him do things he'd only do in his wildest dreams. Joonmyun doesn't move him the way Disney movies do. If anything, he's brought this change upon himself. He takes the blame for everything.
He throws the covers over his head and shuts his eyes tight. He sees Joonmyun's smile burning bright at the back of his eyelids.
iii. It's Christmas eve. It doesn't feel like it because they're doing shows left and right, and when the director calls, "Cut!" they only have two hours 'til the clock strikes twelve. They shuffle to the van the fastest they can and they're not in their proper seating arrangement.
Jongin looks to his left and right. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are clamoring for space, and he's caught in the crossfire.
Sehun is in charge of setting the table; Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, the food. Chanyeol makes concoctions in the kitchen and Jongin begins to fear for their lives when he sees the purple liquid filling the pitcher.
"Please tell me this is actually for humans," Joonmyun says from behind Jongin.
Jongin yelps a little. He's not sure if this is because of the cocktail or Joonmyun.
Chanyeol grins. "You'll find out soon."
They don't intend to get drunk because they have a 9 a.m. schedule tomorrow, but Chanyeol insists that they finish the cocktails and the bottle of vodka and whatever is left of the tequilla they bought a few weeks back. Ten minutes 'til midnight and Sehun's lips are bubbling with laughter, and Baekhyun's slapping Chanyeol's thighs incessantly, laughing at a funny joke.
Kyungsoo pours himself some tequilla and downs everything. He cackles as he finishes, then finds a comfortable spot on the couch.
Jongin's on his fourth glass of vodka and he's lost all the feeling in his tongue. Beside him, Joonmyun's drinking from the tequilla bottle and giggling, moving from side to side, eventually burying his face in Jongin's chest. Jongin's beath hitches. This can go two ways - he can pretend to be asleep, or he can knock Joonmyun senseless and actually go to bed.
He does neither.
Joonmyun looks up and traps Jongin, his arms on either side of the latter. Jongin slumps against the couch and Kyungsoo starts snoring, and Joonmyun smiles, lazy, almost cocky. Joonmyun reaches up, tracing the length of Jongin's face with his fingers, then rests his fingers on Jongin's lips.
Jongin gulps down. Hard.
The kiss they share is clumsy, almost juvenile. Joonmyun crushes his lips into Jongin's and Jongin parts his lips a bit too early. Their teeth collide. The only thing that makes sense is Joonmyun's hands working on the band of his pants, his own hands snaking up Joonmyun's back, then moving south to cup Joonmyun's ass. Joonmyun giggles into the kiss, and Jongin stops, and soon they're both laughing, foreheads pressed together.
"Merry Christmas," Joonmyun says. The soft smile on his lips is a complete betrayal of the fingers playing with the band of Jongin's briefs.
"Merry Christmas," Jongin replies.
He leans in for another kiss.
(They say jokes are half-meant, so when he wakes up with his clothes undone and finds Joonmyun curled up beside him, he's torn between berating himself and feeling a bit too good about the whole thing. Then he gets up, takes a shower, and lets the sound of the water drown out the loud thumping in his chest, wash away the feeling of Joonmyun's skin on his, their lips pressed together in a hungry kiss.)
It happens again, while waiting for the concert to start. The second rehearsal has earned more cheers from the crowd waiting outside the venue and this gets Joonmyun pumped up. He grabs Jongin by the wrist just after Kris drifts off in a chair, and whispers, "We don't have much time."
"We have two hours-"
"A few minutes, until Kris wakes up," Joonmyun corrects. He pushes Jongin against the wall, and Jongin's breath hitches. "Come on, just cooperate."
Jongin does. Quick make-out sessions have become volunteer work for him. It's not pleasure that he seeks; it's the surety of perfection when he turns the tables and pushes Joonmyun against the wall, snakes a hand inside Joonmyun's pants, that always makes him come back for more. It gives him a sense of satisfaction, knowing that he has effectively fooled Joonmyun into thinking that there are feelings involved - when they hold hands as they bow to the crowd, when they hug, when they kiss, when they press their foreheads together in an attempt to put breathing space between their lips.
He pauses for a while, and he feels the compelling need to withdraw his hand from Joonmyun's pants. Joonmyun looks him in the eye, whispers, "Please," and he pushes the thought to the very back of his mind, then gives Joonmyun's cock fast, effective pumps.
In the ten minutes they spend away from the group, Jongin makes Joonmyun come twice. Joonmyun returns the favor, exceeding expectations and making Jongin beg for a third round. Somewhere between rounds 3 and 4, Jongin snakes his arms around Joonmyun's waist and pulls Joonmyun closer, accidentally says, hyung- There's a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of Joonmyun's lips when Joonmyun gives Jongin's cock one last pump, and Joonmyun kisses him as he comes. It's not the same juvenile kiss, nor is it hungry. Words escape Jongin as much as balance does, but he feels his knees going weak and he finds the perfect word for this.
Joonmyun eases the creases on his shirt, fingers delicate, almost teasing. Trouble, trouble, trouble- Jongin's mind says in a voice so loud, he can even hear it in his ears.
iv. The problem isn't so much about Jongin living a lie; it's Jongin slowly being convinced that this lie is the truth. So he runs the series of events in his head again and again, drills the solid fact in his mind that the whole thing is Sehun's idea, that this - being in a push-and-pull relationship with Joonmyun - is a joke. A convenient and pleasurable lie.
He continues to believe this until he knocks on the door of Joonmyun and Sehun's room at three in the morning, asks if he can sleep in Joonmyun's bed, and just circles his arms around Joonmyun's waist.
He exhales against Joonmyun's cheek. In thirty seconds flat, he falls asleep.
v. It's April Fool's again. Sehun's bright idea is to trick the fans into believing that they're preparing for a comeback soon, but it's a half-truth so it's not as funny as it should be. "I bet you fifty thousand won they'll fall for it," Sehun says, anyway, and Joonmyun laughs.
"They'll fall for it my ass. They'll be all over the news."
Now, this is Jongin's idea of an April Fool's prank: he sneaks into Joonmyun's room, creates a post about EXO's supposed comeback scheduled for the end of April and posts it using one of Joonmyun's dummy accounts. Then, he waits for Joonmyun to catch him, waits for Joonmyun to make him pay for what he's done. Joonmyun assaults him, tackles him to the bed, and pins him down, arms on either side of him.
Jongin grins. "Are you going to make me regret what I did?"
Joonmyun narrows his eyes, teasing, and smiles. "I'll make you feel so bad about it, you'll never touch my laptop again."
Jongin doesn't. Instead, he traces the length of Joonmyun's neck with his fingers, licks the cavern of Joonmyun's mouth, runs his hands up Joonmyun's back and pulls Joonmyun down, sending Joonmyun crashing on top of him.
"You'll regret this," Joonmyun says. Jongin can feel the smile creeping to Joonmyun's lips, stinging his skin. He regrets neither hacking into Joonmyun's computer nor living a lie, doesn't even feel a tinge of remorse falling prey to Sehun's lame attempts at an April Fool's joke.
"Make me," Jongin says, seething.
He doesn't regret anything at all.
Suho/Kai. PG-13 to R (for brief sexual content). 3.4k words.
Sehun doesn't expect Jongin to bite the bait and pull such a convincing April Fool's prank on Joonmyun. Jongin doesn't expect the joke to be on him, either.
→ For the wonderful, wonderful warmboys ♥ and the amazing prompt she gave me for exoforsichuan. I really enjoyed working on this fic. Thank you for giving me the chance to write this for you c:
all I want is the taste that your lips allow
i. It starts as a joke.
April Fool's is fast approaching and Sehun comes up with this bright idea of playing a prank on Joonmyun. "Last silly thing you'll ever do before debuting," Jongin remembers Sehun telling him, and he agrees quickly, all too easily, because there's nothing to lose. Only on the day itself, when everyone but Joonmyun has left and when Joonmyun asks for help on perfecting their routine, does Jongin suddenly question his decision and think twice about actually pushing through with the plan.
"It's okay if you can't help me. I mean, you've been practicing since 5 a.m. and it's already ten and-"
Jongin shakes his head and takes Joonmyun's hands, then brings them close to his chest. His heart is beating wildly against his ribcage and his hands are cold and he's not sure why he's even nervous when this is supposed to be merely a joke. He takes a deep breath and fixes his eyes on Joonmyun's.
"I like you, hyung."
A smile slowly surfaces on Joonmyun's lips
A soft click in the background tells him that Sehun has seen the whole thing, and that he's won the game.
"So does that mean you're going to help me with the routine?"
Jongin exhales loudly and laughs a little. That wasn't so bad.
"Yeah. Of course. Anything for you."
"You owe me a cake, kid."
"Uh-huh," Sehun replies, eyes trained on the character walking on his phone. Jongin holds his breath in anticipation, waiting for a series of badly-worded jokes or a simple The cake is in the fridge, but to no avail; Sehun doesn't budge, doesn't even pause the game he's playing, and just seethes when Jongin pats him on the head.
"I'll give you one on Facebook. Or maybe an e-card," Sehun says much later, when Jongin's just about to exit the room.
"Fucker-"
Jongin quickly turns on his heel and proceeds to strangling Sehun, careful not to cause any unfortunate mishap to Sehun's phone. When Joonmyun walks into the room, they are a heap of limbs, and Joonmyun furrows his eyebrows at them.
"Are you two fighting?"
They shake their heads, and Jongin envelops Sehun in a bone-crushing hug.
"Okay. Because I thought I heard you saying fucker." Joonmyun's got his back turned on them as he busies himself with looking for clothes. After a while, he continues, "And nobody's allowed to use that word in this household but me."
Joonmyun punctuates his sentence with a soft smile. Jongin's breath hitches, and Joonmyun winks at him. He finds himself gulping down hard, gandering at the sight of Joonmyun walking through the open door, a towel resting on his shoulder, and wonders briefly what the wink was for.
Jongin wakes up with a pink cake beside his pillow and a sticky note tacked to the box, saying, Brave oppa, amazing oppa! (^o~)v Jongin seethes; it's not the best morning greeting, and he has a nagging suspicion that the cake is inedible. For him, at least.
He learns about Joonmyun's affinity to overly sweet things when Jongin places the cake on the dining table and Joonmyun lets out a gasp, a sound of excitement. "It's cute," is the first thing Joonmyun says, and Jongin just laughs, then motions for Joonmyun to just take the cake from his hands and make his life a thousand times easier.
Joonmyun looks up at him before taking a slice of the cake, asking, "You sure you don't mind me eating this?"
Jongin just shrugs and nods.
Joonmyun pokes his cheek, then motions for him to part his lips.
It must be fatigue or early morning lethargy, because everything suddenly slows down and Jongin watches with utmost curiosity the path the slice of cake travels before reaching his lips, before he presses his lips together and feels the cool metal slipping between his lips. Then time regains its normal pace, and he cocks his head slowly, looking up at Joonmyun, then at the now-sliced cake.
Jongin coughs a little. Sweet is not his style.
"Yeah. I thought it was too sweet," Joonmyun mumbles, then offers Jongin a glass of water. Jongin declines, heading for the coffee maker, instead, and goes through what has just happened in his mind as he watches coffee droplets fall to the base of the container, one by one.
People say that the day before debut is always the hardest, and Jongin doesn't realize this until today, half past eleven in the evening, his shirt drenched in sweat and tears. They've been practicing since nine in the morning and have only stopped for a break thrice - for lunch, half-assed dinner, and for Baekhyun to catch his breath. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are no longer singing, just mouthing their parts, and Joonmyun's voice soars above the rest during the chorus.
Jongin looks over his shoulder, in Joonmyun's general direction, and wonders briefly how Joonmyun can still have that much energy at such a late hour.
They finish practice at two in the morning. Chanyeol and Baekhyun fall asleep on the way home, and Kyungsoo just stares out the window, eyes wandering aimlessly. Sehun is closed out from the rest of the group, headphones blasting classical music fit for the time of the day. Jongin shifts in his seat, trying to find a comfortable fit.
There's a good few inches between him and Joonmyun and he intends to keep it that way, until Joonmyun moves closer, slowly putting an arm around his shoulders. He feels Joonmyun's hand on his head, motioning for him to rest his head on Joonmyun's shoulder, and he doesn't retaliate because it's late and he's tired.
When he wakes up, there's a small pool of drool on Joonmyun shirt.
"Hey, get up. We're here," Joonmyun says, and Jongin does as he is told. His attempts at walking a straight path are foiled when his ankles go weak, and he stumbles a little then soon regains his balance when Joonmyun grasps his wrists. He shivers - at the contact, the sudden jolt of life coursing through his veins. When he looks up, Joonmyun's smiling.
"I've got you, kid."
Jongin takes a deep breath.
ii. This is not a joke.
It doesn't take a genius to know that Joonmyun took the mock confession seriously. Jongin doesn't need another encounter with Joonmyun to be able to tell that Joonmyun either wants to get in his pants or to kiss him. Or maybe just hold his hand. Either way, he screwed up big time, and he realizes belatedly that Sehun isn't exactly the best person to talk to when it comes to these things.
"I thought I sounded sarcastic enough."
"I thought the whole thing looked like something that's been ripped off of a shoujo manga. Get real." Sehun shakes his head in disbelief. "I really expected more from you."
Jongin buries his face in his hands. He has two options - he can either tell Joonmyun that it was just a dare, that everything was Sehun's idea, even the shoujo manga execution, or he can just play along and hope the flame dies down. Either way, he'll have to live with the consequences, and he'll lose something - he just has to choose which to let go of.
"Why did I even think that was a good idea?"
"You were tired and drunk." Sehun turns to face him, a frown on his lips. "And you're confused about a lot of things."
Confused is not a word he usually associates with himself, but it feels apt for the moment. He's always had a one-track mind and his goal at the moment is to do well in performances, then for SM to actually let him sing, then to be recognized as a singer more than a dancer. He doesn't have time to think of slip-ups not related to his job, or to bother caring about a person who fell for his poor excuse of a joke. It's not part of the plan.
"I'd go all out, if I were you."
"And I'd stop listening to you if I was in my right mind, yeah."
Jongin throws his head back and he closes his eyes. He thinks of the many things that might happen, the subsequent mistakes he will be making if he does push through with playing along, and recalls Joonmyun's smile, the angled plane of Joonmyun's face, Joonmyun's lips.
He shakes his head.
The backstage is too small to contain the exhaustion and excitement of twelve men. Yixing and Lu Han are quiet in a corner, just whispering to each other from time to time and bursting into laughter soon after. Kyungsoo is rubbing circles on Baekhyun's back in the comforts of the bathroom; when they emerge from the doors, Baekhyun is shining again and on the balls of his feet. Chanyeol is resting his forehead against Kris' back, and Kris is talking to Minseok and Jongdae, telling them about the schedule the following day. Sehun's running his hands through his hair, trying to restore its former glory.
Jongin is slumped against a wall, head hung low, and Joonmyun sits beside him, maybe a bit too close.
"Finally," Joonmyun says, then rests his head on Jongin's shoulder.
Jongin freezes. He bites the inside of his cheek. Joonmyun's words are lost in a flurry of thoughts - whatdidhemeanbyfinallywhydidhesaythat what is he doing - and when Jongin surfaces from contemplating, Joonmyun's asking him, "Did you ever think we'd debut?"
"Yeah, of course," he replies. He scoffs a little. He's always been a bit too hopeful and optimistic for someone who has trained too long, but Joonmyun has trained longer, and has had his dreams shattered more times than Jongin.
"Even after being told that you're not good enough?"
Jongin smiles. He rests his head on Joonmyun's. "Yeah, even after that."
Joonmyun laughs lightly. He takes a deep breath and moves closer for warmth. Joonmyun looks much smaller than he is like this, looks much more fragile and not like Suho, and Jongin has the strangest urge to snake an arm around Joonmyun and pull him so much closer as if the lack of space between them isn't enough. Instead, he clasps his hands together in an attempt to keep himself from reaching out, from getting too close, from giving himself away.
Overseas trips and shows do not change anything. Joonmyun always finds a way to be near him and, somehow, he gravitates toward Joonmyun. He does it unconsciously, and when he looks to his side he's always a bit surprised, a bit off-guard.
"Hyung-" he begins, but always gets cut-off by whatever Joonmyun has to say.
When he decided to play along and not tell Joonmyun about the dare, it came with the consequence of having to fake everything - from his smile to the crinkle of his eyes, to the feeling bottling up in his chest whenever Joonmyun reaches out to him for a touch, a hug. When Joonmyun intertwines their fingers during end-of-the-show bows, Jongin's fingers are always cold, and he always uses nervousness and stage fright as an excuse. "It doesn't show," Joonmyun would tell him, and he'd just laugh and scoff and head off in a different direction.
When he'd look over his shoulder, Joonmyun's eyes would still be on him.
He gets used to this after a while. His actions and reactions are now more of a habit than a stimuli. In the evening, when Joonmyun's locked away in his own room and Jongin's hiding under the covers, he feels different, like he's grown accustomed to the Jongin Joonmyun wants, not the Jongin Joonmyun needs. But Joonmyun hasn't changed him. Joonmyun doesn't make him do things he'd only do in his wildest dreams. Joonmyun doesn't move him the way Disney movies do. If anything, he's brought this change upon himself. He takes the blame for everything.
He throws the covers over his head and shuts his eyes tight. He sees Joonmyun's smile burning bright at the back of his eyelids.
iii. It's Christmas eve. It doesn't feel like it because they're doing shows left and right, and when the director calls, "Cut!" they only have two hours 'til the clock strikes twelve. They shuffle to the van the fastest they can and they're not in their proper seating arrangement.
Jongin looks to his left and right. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are clamoring for space, and he's caught in the crossfire.
Sehun is in charge of setting the table; Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, the food. Chanyeol makes concoctions in the kitchen and Jongin begins to fear for their lives when he sees the purple liquid filling the pitcher.
"Please tell me this is actually for humans," Joonmyun says from behind Jongin.
Jongin yelps a little. He's not sure if this is because of the cocktail or Joonmyun.
Chanyeol grins. "You'll find out soon."
They don't intend to get drunk because they have a 9 a.m. schedule tomorrow, but Chanyeol insists that they finish the cocktails and the bottle of vodka and whatever is left of the tequilla they bought a few weeks back. Ten minutes 'til midnight and Sehun's lips are bubbling with laughter, and Baekhyun's slapping Chanyeol's thighs incessantly, laughing at a funny joke.
Kyungsoo pours himself some tequilla and downs everything. He cackles as he finishes, then finds a comfortable spot on the couch.
Jongin's on his fourth glass of vodka and he's lost all the feeling in his tongue. Beside him, Joonmyun's drinking from the tequilla bottle and giggling, moving from side to side, eventually burying his face in Jongin's chest. Jongin's beath hitches. This can go two ways - he can pretend to be asleep, or he can knock Joonmyun senseless and actually go to bed.
He does neither.
Joonmyun looks up and traps Jongin, his arms on either side of the latter. Jongin slumps against the couch and Kyungsoo starts snoring, and Joonmyun smiles, lazy, almost cocky. Joonmyun reaches up, tracing the length of Jongin's face with his fingers, then rests his fingers on Jongin's lips.
Jongin gulps down. Hard.
The kiss they share is clumsy, almost juvenile. Joonmyun crushes his lips into Jongin's and Jongin parts his lips a bit too early. Their teeth collide. The only thing that makes sense is Joonmyun's hands working on the band of his pants, his own hands snaking up Joonmyun's back, then moving south to cup Joonmyun's ass. Joonmyun giggles into the kiss, and Jongin stops, and soon they're both laughing, foreheads pressed together.
"Merry Christmas," Joonmyun says. The soft smile on his lips is a complete betrayal of the fingers playing with the band of Jongin's briefs.
"Merry Christmas," Jongin replies.
He leans in for another kiss.
(They say jokes are half-meant, so when he wakes up with his clothes undone and finds Joonmyun curled up beside him, he's torn between berating himself and feeling a bit too good about the whole thing. Then he gets up, takes a shower, and lets the sound of the water drown out the loud thumping in his chest, wash away the feeling of Joonmyun's skin on his, their lips pressed together in a hungry kiss.)
It happens again, while waiting for the concert to start. The second rehearsal has earned more cheers from the crowd waiting outside the venue and this gets Joonmyun pumped up. He grabs Jongin by the wrist just after Kris drifts off in a chair, and whispers, "We don't have much time."
"We have two hours-"
"A few minutes, until Kris wakes up," Joonmyun corrects. He pushes Jongin against the wall, and Jongin's breath hitches. "Come on, just cooperate."
Jongin does. Quick make-out sessions have become volunteer work for him. It's not pleasure that he seeks; it's the surety of perfection when he turns the tables and pushes Joonmyun against the wall, snakes a hand inside Joonmyun's pants, that always makes him come back for more. It gives him a sense of satisfaction, knowing that he has effectively fooled Joonmyun into thinking that there are feelings involved - when they hold hands as they bow to the crowd, when they hug, when they kiss, when they press their foreheads together in an attempt to put breathing space between their lips.
He pauses for a while, and he feels the compelling need to withdraw his hand from Joonmyun's pants. Joonmyun looks him in the eye, whispers, "Please," and he pushes the thought to the very back of his mind, then gives Joonmyun's cock fast, effective pumps.
In the ten minutes they spend away from the group, Jongin makes Joonmyun come twice. Joonmyun returns the favor, exceeding expectations and making Jongin beg for a third round. Somewhere between rounds 3 and 4, Jongin snakes his arms around Joonmyun's waist and pulls Joonmyun closer, accidentally says, hyung- There's a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of Joonmyun's lips when Joonmyun gives Jongin's cock one last pump, and Joonmyun kisses him as he comes. It's not the same juvenile kiss, nor is it hungry. Words escape Jongin as much as balance does, but he feels his knees going weak and he finds the perfect word for this.
Joonmyun eases the creases on his shirt, fingers delicate, almost teasing. Trouble, trouble, trouble- Jongin's mind says in a voice so loud, he can even hear it in his ears.
iv. The problem isn't so much about Jongin living a lie; it's Jongin slowly being convinced that this lie is the truth. So he runs the series of events in his head again and again, drills the solid fact in his mind that the whole thing is Sehun's idea, that this - being in a push-and-pull relationship with Joonmyun - is a joke. A convenient and pleasurable lie.
He continues to believe this until he knocks on the door of Joonmyun and Sehun's room at three in the morning, asks if he can sleep in Joonmyun's bed, and just circles his arms around Joonmyun's waist.
He exhales against Joonmyun's cheek. In thirty seconds flat, he falls asleep.
v. It's April Fool's again. Sehun's bright idea is to trick the fans into believing that they're preparing for a comeback soon, but it's a half-truth so it's not as funny as it should be. "I bet you fifty thousand won they'll fall for it," Sehun says, anyway, and Joonmyun laughs.
"They'll fall for it my ass. They'll be all over the news."
Now, this is Jongin's idea of an April Fool's prank: he sneaks into Joonmyun's room, creates a post about EXO's supposed comeback scheduled for the end of April and posts it using one of Joonmyun's dummy accounts. Then, he waits for Joonmyun to catch him, waits for Joonmyun to make him pay for what he's done. Joonmyun assaults him, tackles him to the bed, and pins him down, arms on either side of him.
Jongin grins. "Are you going to make me regret what I did?"
Joonmyun narrows his eyes, teasing, and smiles. "I'll make you feel so bad about it, you'll never touch my laptop again."
Jongin doesn't. Instead, he traces the length of Joonmyun's neck with his fingers, licks the cavern of Joonmyun's mouth, runs his hands up Joonmyun's back and pulls Joonmyun down, sending Joonmyun crashing on top of him.
"You'll regret this," Joonmyun says. Jongin can feel the smile creeping to Joonmyun's lips, stinging his skin. He regrets neither hacking into Joonmyun's computer nor living a lie, doesn't even feel a tinge of remorse falling prey to Sehun's lame attempts at an April Fool's joke.
"Make me," Jongin says, seething.
He doesn't regret anything at all.