(no subject)
i've been thinking a lot about myself and i'm not always happy with what i've become. i wish i was a better version of myself, but the fact of the matter is i don't know how to get there. it's sad to say, but i don't ever think i will. i'm not sure how to take the time to evolve and grow. why don't i think? why don't i analyze? why doesn't my brain work that way? why am i content to revel in the thoughts of others? why am i so weak? so lazy? so lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy. where's my flowery speech? My connect the dots? why do all of these wonderful people love me? what do they really see? i have them all fooled. they think there's more there than is. i'm ever so talented at it. oh, it's a pity party indeed. what direction should i go to change it all? how do i wake myself up? should i pray for it? wisdom, analytical thinking, insight, know how, good sense, understanding, deepitiness, you know, the thing with the stuff. where is my atlas shrugged, my man's search for meaning, zen, anything? do i have it anywhere? or am i just plain 'ol jane? it's infuriating! what can i do about it? how do i learn to give a damn? what class do you take that makes you want to see everything through? not get bored when reading an article. stop skimming. read to the end. be strong. be smart. be hip. see that world for what you see it is. period. i shouldn't be envious, but i am. ssx3 here i come.