argh
Like I said, I'm glad I have a journal nobody knows about (in the
house, at least). Privacy is good, sometimes. Making a private entry on
Xanga does nothing when we all use my computer and everyone I know is
on Xanga.
Rant:
I am about to have a nervous breakdown.
This house is filthy. FILTHY. Half of the people living here clean, the other half don't. And Zach keeps blaming it on the dogs. Yeah. The dogs leave pop bottles and dirty dishes everywhere and they expect me to clean it up. What the FUCK is his problem? I don't get it. I mean, I do get it but I still DON'T, if you know what I mean. I have had plenty of people get pissed off at me in the past and I knew why. It was usually my fault, and I can handle that. What I can't handle is him, being a FLAMING ASSHOLE without a DAMN LEGITIMATE REASON WHY. We were FINE until Jordan and I got engaged. FINE. Then after that, Zach just started this downward spiral - still living with us but not speaking to me hardly at all, freaking out, breaking things, throwing tantrums . . .
I will do this in list form. I'm better at listing.
-Zach says I never pay people back . . . but I never owe anybody any money! I bum cigarettes now and then, that's all, and he's the one who still owes me close to $200 with bills this month plus that money he never paid me back when I helped pay the deposit on his first apartment. I don't get it. I never even bring up that money from that, but I bum a cigarette and he freaks?
-Zach told Allie he's tried to talk to me about his problems. He hasn't, once. And when I offer to talk to HIM, he blows me off.
-Zach told Allie that Jordan is pussywhipped, basically because Jordan won't tell me I'M being a bitch to ZACH.
-When we were on vacation, Zach threatened to throw the dogs outside until we got back unless we had them boarded. Apparently it was too hard to let them out twice a day and feed them. So I spent $200 on boarding to keep him happy.
-Zach had the day off the day of my dad's funeral and didn't even show up.
-Zach is always telling other people that he can't wait until the dogs are gone. Does he not care that his friends, or once-friends, are leaving with them?
-Zach spends all of his money on pot, is always high, and is getting caught up in this crazy idea that RNS will make it big. I say nothing about that because I'm glad they're having fun, but I don't want them to never make anything of themselves because they're stuck in this hallucination that RNS has the talent to make it big.
-I wrote him like a 3 page letter and told him that I was worried about him and that I wanted to help and that he was starting to really concern me and I thought he'd never go back to school. He wrote me an apology and was nice for a week and now he's completely evil again.
-I let him live with me even after the inappropriate-touching-while-I-was-asleep-or-so-he-thought at Hayden's last winter. I always listened and tried to help when he had problems.
-I don't understand why he still lives here even after it's obvious that he can't handle watching me be with Jordan and has admitted that my relationship is upsetting to him.
-I don't get involved in his newly-rekindled relationship/fling/fooling around with Sarah even though I know one of them is bound to get hurt before much longer.
Every other aspect of my life is wonderful and drama-free. I try to be nice to everybody, I try to be patient, but this is to the point that I can hardly take it anymore. I can't kick him out, I can't make him homeless, but it's driving me insane. Every day there's a new thing he's said about me behind my back about how horrible I am.
He lives in my house. He eats my food. He DRIVES MY NEW CAR WITHOUT ASKING. He stiffs me on the bills. Is it so much for me to ask that he'd address these issues to my face? We're supposed to be adults . . . why does this feel like middle school all over again? I'm seriously trying MY HARDEST to be nice, but I don't know how much longer he can live here without driving the rest of us insane.
I refuse to give up the most functional, loving relationship I have just to make him happy.
<--- see? cute. loving. happy. i will not sacrifice anymore for his happiness. especially if he won't stop being such a sloppy, irresponsible, creepy jerk about everything.
Rant:
I am about to have a nervous breakdown.
This house is filthy. FILTHY. Half of the people living here clean, the other half don't. And Zach keeps blaming it on the dogs. Yeah. The dogs leave pop bottles and dirty dishes everywhere and they expect me to clean it up. What the FUCK is his problem? I don't get it. I mean, I do get it but I still DON'T, if you know what I mean. I have had plenty of people get pissed off at me in the past and I knew why. It was usually my fault, and I can handle that. What I can't handle is him, being a FLAMING ASSHOLE without a DAMN LEGITIMATE REASON WHY. We were FINE until Jordan and I got engaged. FINE. Then after that, Zach just started this downward spiral - still living with us but not speaking to me hardly at all, freaking out, breaking things, throwing tantrums . . .
I will do this in list form. I'm better at listing.
-Zach says I never pay people back . . . but I never owe anybody any money! I bum cigarettes now and then, that's all, and he's the one who still owes me close to $200 with bills this month plus that money he never paid me back when I helped pay the deposit on his first apartment. I don't get it. I never even bring up that money from that, but I bum a cigarette and he freaks?
-Zach told Allie he's tried to talk to me about his problems. He hasn't, once. And when I offer to talk to HIM, he blows me off.
-Zach told Allie that Jordan is pussywhipped, basically because Jordan won't tell me I'M being a bitch to ZACH.
-When we were on vacation, Zach threatened to throw the dogs outside until we got back unless we had them boarded. Apparently it was too hard to let them out twice a day and feed them. So I spent $200 on boarding to keep him happy.
-Zach had the day off the day of my dad's funeral and didn't even show up.
-Zach is always telling other people that he can't wait until the dogs are gone. Does he not care that his friends, or once-friends, are leaving with them?
-Zach spends all of his money on pot, is always high, and is getting caught up in this crazy idea that RNS will make it big. I say nothing about that because I'm glad they're having fun, but I don't want them to never make anything of themselves because they're stuck in this hallucination that RNS has the talent to make it big.
-I wrote him like a 3 page letter and told him that I was worried about him and that I wanted to help and that he was starting to really concern me and I thought he'd never go back to school. He wrote me an apology and was nice for a week and now he's completely evil again.
-I let him live with me even after the inappropriate-touching-while-I-was-asleep-or-so-he-thought at Hayden's last winter. I always listened and tried to help when he had problems.
-I don't understand why he still lives here even after it's obvious that he can't handle watching me be with Jordan and has admitted that my relationship is upsetting to him.
-I don't get involved in his newly-rekindled relationship/fling/fooling around with Sarah even though I know one of them is bound to get hurt before much longer.
Every other aspect of my life is wonderful and drama-free. I try to be nice to everybody, I try to be patient, but this is to the point that I can hardly take it anymore. I can't kick him out, I can't make him homeless, but it's driving me insane. Every day there's a new thing he's said about me behind my back about how horrible I am.
He lives in my house. He eats my food. He DRIVES MY NEW CAR WITHOUT ASKING. He stiffs me on the bills. Is it so much for me to ask that he'd address these issues to my face? We're supposed to be adults . . . why does this feel like middle school all over again? I'm seriously trying MY HARDEST to be nice, but I don't know how much longer he can live here without driving the rest of us insane.
I refuse to give up the most functional, loving relationship I have just to make him happy.
<--- see? cute. loving. happy. i will not sacrifice anymore for his happiness. especially if he won't stop being such a sloppy, irresponsible, creepy jerk about everything.