SO MAD
It is rare that I am just genuinely angry. I am so pissed off right now. About everything. Nothing has happened today that hasn't just enhanced my mood. I felt too crappy to go to school today, so I wasted it in bed, just like not-so-old times. When I got up, it was time to go to dinner. I was on my mom's bed, and my dad came in and told me to put a bag over my head to go to dinner. I knew what he meant was for me to not waste lots of time on makeup, but it was still such an insulting thing to say. And at one point he pinned me to the bed, and I was just hitting and kicking, and I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe. Still, my mood wasn't all that bad. I got ready to go to dinner, and I brought my Ben Folds cd to stick in the car. They stuck it in, but they wouldn't play it. This is always a sensitive subject for me. My family makes me feel like I am somehow imposing on them when I want us all to listen to my music in the car. And it's good music. It's not like I make them listen to 50 cent or Mariah Carey. It's fucking BEN FOLDS. Talent and sweet sounds. So I'm angry. And then my dad makes it worse like he always does because he won't take me seriously. I told him to shut up pretty venemously when I got out of the car, and he told me I got away with that because I was waddling cutely. I turned around and yelled, "LOOK. I JUST BITCHED YOU OUT. I'M MAD AT YOU. TAKE IT SERIOUSLY."
I felt irritable all through dinner. I left as soon as I was done and went outside to the car to wait. I was going between the car and this bush to some concrete stairs, and I stuck out my arm for balance. I pulled back, and my thumb joint was stuffed with 5 little splinters I had to individually pick out. Now not only is my left wrist mangled, but I have a matching left thumb joint.
On top of all this, I was on the phone with Jordan last night, and he said he needed to finish his homework. He said he'd call me back in about an hour. Did he? NO. He always does that. He says he'll call, and then he doesn't. He forgets because it wasn't important enough. What a male stereotype.
I don't want to watch any movies lately. Depressing and scary ones don't make me feel better. And happy ones make me feel worse. I want to write an angry letter to Hollywood telling them their love stories are all bullshit, and they should all eat shit and die for making everyone believe their lies.
I just want to yell a big, fat, "I HATE YOU," to the world right now.
No, I didn't skip any pills.
And NO, I am nowhere near my DAMN PERIOD.
I felt irritable all through dinner. I left as soon as I was done and went outside to the car to wait. I was going between the car and this bush to some concrete stairs, and I stuck out my arm for balance. I pulled back, and my thumb joint was stuffed with 5 little splinters I had to individually pick out. Now not only is my left wrist mangled, but I have a matching left thumb joint.
On top of all this, I was on the phone with Jordan last night, and he said he needed to finish his homework. He said he'd call me back in about an hour. Did he? NO. He always does that. He says he'll call, and then he doesn't. He forgets because it wasn't important enough. What a male stereotype.
I don't want to watch any movies lately. Depressing and scary ones don't make me feel better. And happy ones make me feel worse. I want to write an angry letter to Hollywood telling them their love stories are all bullshit, and they should all eat shit and die for making everyone believe their lies.
I just want to yell a big, fat, "I HATE YOU," to the world right now.
No, I didn't skip any pills.
And NO, I am nowhere near my DAMN PERIOD.