my true feelings
so everyone is yelling at me to write on this damn thing so ok. i will. also, everyone pours thier hearts out on here, and i dont know how i feel about it, but i guess im gonna try. so here it goes. see, i dont even know where to begin, im not good at telling how i feel. well ill start with this. this college is so fucking boring sometimes! this weekend i did nothing really. everyone went home. i came to college thinking it would funfunfun all the time, meeting tons of knew people, meeting a guys, or two or three. thats not really happening. first of all, ive made friends friends with like 5 people. i mean i know people but not like calling um up and being like lets do something. and those people how i have made freinds with, arent that good of friends i guess you could say. i guess i just have a different view of friendship than most people. i dont like being friends with alot of people. its not that i dont like it its just that how its always been, having a feww good friends. when i become friends woth someone. i give myself to thwm completely heart and soul i guess you could say. i like having intimate relationships with the people i call my friends. not that kind of intimate. even back home, \who was i freidns with, sarah, sherry, jessie and thats about it. thats pathetic, im pathetic. when those people werent around id sit home by myself, and thats what i find myself doing here, when the people im friends with are off doing other things, im sitting alone watching a movie, or doing my homework like a fucking dork. i guess people here think that its kool to know everyone and their brother on the whole fucking campus. i guess theres nothing wrong with that, buit that leaves me out in the dust. and those frineds i do have, i kinds fell like the reason that they stick around is bc i have pot and a car all the time. thats horrible. i mean i guess its not like that but sometimes it feels like it. i think im a fucking awesome person and i guess others dont see that. these people dont know me like you guys do. i hate having to start over, but i guess i like it in a way too. i guess one reason that i hang aournd the same people all the time is bc those peopla are in everyone of my classes. so i really didnt gett the chance to meet alot of other people. thats why i cant wait till the next semester. ill have totally knew gr=oup of people in my class, hopefully.
Boys, thats another thing that doesnt exist. i wish i had someone, and then i see people who fight with thoer boyfriends all the time, and im glad i dont have one, but you know what id take all the drama in the world if it meant i could have someone to call my own. to be their whjen i neede them, to kiss, to ya know, and to just cuddle. i would give everything i have, i really would. i mean having someone is not a neccessity, but i guess im just sick of being alone. i like a few people, but most of em dont know i exsist, and if they do they would never like me like that and or they have a girlfreind. i guess two people like me, but no were not gonaa go thier. i cant help it if im not attracted to them, and the ones just really kreepy. ahh. i havent seen morgan in like 2 weeks, wnich is kinda sad. and even if the chance for me to be with someone arose, im too chicken to do it. a couple weeks ago, i could have hooked up with this kid, who was real hot, i thought, but i was to fucking chicken to go for it. god damnit i hate myself sometimes. anyways off that subject, its making me angry,.
ive been dry for about two weeks now, ive smoked here and there, but im finding that in not as nice when i dont smoke everyday. everyone says i get fidgety too. i hate buyin it up here bc they rip you off for how expensive it is.
i miss home cooking. and rudd
i guess im not having a bad time, ive ,made some memories that we will never forget thats for sure.
i miss big blue:(
i hate it that i still feel like im in high school sometimes bc people are so juvanile and dot know when to grow up. theres just petty bullshit that goes on, i hate it.
well thats my venting for the day, i think i did well opening up and letting my feelings come out, they all didnt come out but maybe someday they will.
Boys, thats another thing that doesnt exist. i wish i had someone, and then i see people who fight with thoer boyfriends all the time, and im glad i dont have one, but you know what id take all the drama in the world if it meant i could have someone to call my own. to be their whjen i neede them, to kiss, to ya know, and to just cuddle. i would give everything i have, i really would. i mean having someone is not a neccessity, but i guess im just sick of being alone. i like a few people, but most of em dont know i exsist, and if they do they would never like me like that and or they have a girlfreind. i guess two people like me, but no were not gonaa go thier. i cant help it if im not attracted to them, and the ones just really kreepy. ahh. i havent seen morgan in like 2 weeks, wnich is kinda sad. and even if the chance for me to be with someone arose, im too chicken to do it. a couple weeks ago, i could have hooked up with this kid, who was real hot, i thought, but i was to fucking chicken to go for it. god damnit i hate myself sometimes. anyways off that subject, its making me angry,.
ive been dry for about two weeks now, ive smoked here and there, but im finding that in not as nice when i dont smoke everyday. everyone says i get fidgety too. i hate buyin it up here bc they rip you off for how expensive it is.
i miss home cooking. and rudd
i guess im not having a bad time, ive ,made some memories that we will never forget thats for sure.
i miss big blue:(
i hate it that i still feel like im in high school sometimes bc people are so juvanile and dot know when to grow up. theres just petty bullshit that goes on, i hate it.
well thats my venting for the day, i think i did well opening up and letting my feelings come out, they all didnt come out but maybe someday they will.