and...we're back.
Hello live journal universe,
I'm going to give you a shot again. I feel like I have such an interesting relationship with this website. I find myself not updating for a year and then updating on a regular basis. Today is a regular basis day.
I'm feeling a little interesting right now. Relationship wise I think I might be ready to embark on something again...the real issue now is finding someone to fit that place. I'm not sure if I'm too picky, or am just attracted to really random people. Most of my friends will probably say the random people thing. I also am not sure why as of recently I am interested in clueless guys, or ones that don't really want to be with me. I have this monsterous crush on this guy, and part of me doesn't think he is really interested that way. So I'm going to try very hard to move on from it and just be friends. It's been a difficult time for me for a number of reasons. Really the main one has to be because this is the first person that I've really had a crush on that isn't Andrew. For so many months I have felt dead on the inside. As though my heart was made of ice and I wasn't able to feel true happiness. It's hard for me to admit even now, but before I started hanging out with this new group of people one of whom is this guy, the only times I felt like I was truly happy was when I was with Andrew. Other wise I would just exist and smile in public and go back to my room and just lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. For a while I felt like a shell...someone who wasn't able to feel happiness, and sometimes even worse, wasn't able to feel sadness either.
Over the past few months I have moved beyond that dark place and began to truly smile and laugh again. I feel like I'm able to start a new in my life right now, so I've been making a bunch of life changing choices to kind of shake up my surroundings. Thanks to my friends for sticking by me...and letting me talk about it over, and over.
So I'm being seriously senioritis right now. I brought my laptop to all my classes today, and I've been doing other homework and chatting online. So bad. But so good.
That's all for now. I'll probably want to write more later. I lost my emotional train of thought as of this moment.
~Nina~
I'm going to give you a shot again. I feel like I have such an interesting relationship with this website. I find myself not updating for a year and then updating on a regular basis. Today is a regular basis day.
I'm feeling a little interesting right now. Relationship wise I think I might be ready to embark on something again...the real issue now is finding someone to fit that place. I'm not sure if I'm too picky, or am just attracted to really random people. Most of my friends will probably say the random people thing. I also am not sure why as of recently I am interested in clueless guys, or ones that don't really want to be with me. I have this monsterous crush on this guy, and part of me doesn't think he is really interested that way. So I'm going to try very hard to move on from it and just be friends. It's been a difficult time for me for a number of reasons. Really the main one has to be because this is the first person that I've really had a crush on that isn't Andrew. For so many months I have felt dead on the inside. As though my heart was made of ice and I wasn't able to feel true happiness. It's hard for me to admit even now, but before I started hanging out with this new group of people one of whom is this guy, the only times I felt like I was truly happy was when I was with Andrew. Other wise I would just exist and smile in public and go back to my room and just lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. For a while I felt like a shell...someone who wasn't able to feel happiness, and sometimes even worse, wasn't able to feel sadness either.
Over the past few months I have moved beyond that dark place and began to truly smile and laugh again. I feel like I'm able to start a new in my life right now, so I've been making a bunch of life changing choices to kind of shake up my surroundings. Thanks to my friends for sticking by me...and letting me talk about it over, and over.
So I'm being seriously senioritis right now. I brought my laptop to all my classes today, and I've been doing other homework and chatting online. So bad. But so good.
That's all for now. I'll probably want to write more later. I lost my emotional train of thought as of this moment.
~Nina~