Culmination of Conclusions
I let Luc know that I want to see him. I have things to tell him. Since I first told him this my ideas have evolved. I have also asked him to see me sooner than the date to which he proposed in one SMS of a series of 3. The last SMS in that series expresses,
" .... My heart thumps, its sound demanding my attention, its pound in my ears for the words that I have coveted for you...."
No response since deploy yesterday morning. This is not at all unusual. I have summed up what I want to tell him into a few very brief, rational, productive tidbits of information:
1. I am starting to have feelings for him. He has touched my soul deeper than any man has ever done so before. This does not mean that another man will never touch me deeper, as the soul is dynamic and forever digging its shrine in which is embedded all of the jewels that we call emotions and memories. But all the same, I have developed a real form of respect for him and care about him, his activities, his health... his smile. All this at a very fundamental, yet elementary, level.
2. I am glad that on our first date he told me not to worry if he does not contact me for something like 2 weeks; that it does not mean that he is mad at me or does not like me; that he is just busy; I am glad because this situation is starting to arrive and I know that he is busy being a genius and not that he is trying to avoid me. It makes it hard when I don't see him for this amount of time, because I like company of others, because I like the company of men, because I have this new respect for him and would like to see him more often. I know, however, that this is not feasible, and as a happy Luc is the only kind of Luc that I can support, I accept his company in the capacity that he can give it.
3. Although neither of us can at this point in our lives give our (romantic) persons entirely to one unique individual, we can rather give *of* our (romantic) persons entirely to each other when we are together. This is the attitude that I will take when I am with him and will not ask for him to do the same, but I want to explain my position and perspective of the situation as it exudes in space-time, and this is also the attitude which I will always by default see as his own even if it is not his conscious decision to do so... as this is "la situation actuelle." When I am with him, no other man exists in my life, and I have the desire to not elaborate on other manifestations of myself in other domains with other members of the opposite sex.
I am still confused on my thoughts of sex. But this is good, this is how it should be right now. I will find a solution soon enough to adapt to these new conditions.
" .... My heart thumps, its sound demanding my attention, its pound in my ears for the words that I have coveted for you...."
No response since deploy yesterday morning. This is not at all unusual. I have summed up what I want to tell him into a few very brief, rational, productive tidbits of information:
1. I am starting to have feelings for him. He has touched my soul deeper than any man has ever done so before. This does not mean that another man will never touch me deeper, as the soul is dynamic and forever digging its shrine in which is embedded all of the jewels that we call emotions and memories. But all the same, I have developed a real form of respect for him and care about him, his activities, his health... his smile. All this at a very fundamental, yet elementary, level.
2. I am glad that on our first date he told me not to worry if he does not contact me for something like 2 weeks; that it does not mean that he is mad at me or does not like me; that he is just busy; I am glad because this situation is starting to arrive and I know that he is busy being a genius and not that he is trying to avoid me. It makes it hard when I don't see him for this amount of time, because I like company of others, because I like the company of men, because I have this new respect for him and would like to see him more often. I know, however, that this is not feasible, and as a happy Luc is the only kind of Luc that I can support, I accept his company in the capacity that he can give it.
3. Although neither of us can at this point in our lives give our (romantic) persons entirely to one unique individual, we can rather give *of* our (romantic) persons entirely to each other when we are together. This is the attitude that I will take when I am with him and will not ask for him to do the same, but I want to explain my position and perspective of the situation as it exudes in space-time, and this is also the attitude which I will always by default see as his own even if it is not his conscious decision to do so... as this is "la situation actuelle." When I am with him, no other man exists in my life, and I have the desire to not elaborate on other manifestations of myself in other domains with other members of the opposite sex.
I am still confused on my thoughts of sex. But this is good, this is how it should be right now. I will find a solution soon enough to adapt to these new conditions.