AHHHHH
I am not feeling so good. Started work again today after being in the summer course for 3 weeks. This whole Au Pair thing has radically changed my idea of what it is like to have children. I am now *afraid* of having children. For the moment. This does not mean that I will never want them.... But I am damned sure that I don't want them in the near future.
I miss Dov. He will probably not be back for 2 weeks. I called him yesterday when he was in a meeting. It was Sunday, so I thought that he would be free. But yes, he called me back. And then, my phone went through the washing maching last night and it is not working and I just bought it 2 weeks ago when the other one fell out of my pocket while rock climbing... so I want to wait a few days to see if it will dry out before buying a new one. Soooo, I was worried that if Dov tried to call me or SMS me in the next couple of days I would not be able to respond and he would think that there was something up. So I sent him an email on Genevaonline and tried to call him. He did not answer. I left a message. I hope that he doesn't think that I am calling him too much. I think that he will understand. He is a nice guy. He is the one that originally asked me out. And a second time. And a 3rd time. And then we made love. And then he left to go to Israel. So it is not too weird that I try to contact him a second day in a row since it was to let him know that my phone was not working.
In other news, my Mac is about to bite the dust. It fell off my bed about a year ago and so the frame of the screen has been broken ever since. Then about a month ago the built-in memory stopped working. And now I bring it into the Apple shop and the guy says that he doesn't think that the technician will recognize my extended warrenty because of the screen. Because it looks like it has taken a beating! DAMN! So I am going to attempt to fix it with some super-glue. THIS SUX. There are only like 80 days left of my warrenty. And I need this computer. And I don't have the money for a new mother board. And the memory just stopped working all by itself. This is totally not cool.
Going back to work today was tortuous. Being in a tiny apartment all day long with a baby and an 8-year-old. And it was overcast and raining in the morning. And the mother was upset to find that we had been home all day...so I guess I will take them to the museum tomorrow. This sux! 415 francs per week for 30 hours is not enough. I am getting something like 12 dollars an hour. At least this month I wont have taxes taken out. It is not that I am doing so much work...but that what I am required to do is so goddamned boring that it drives me out of my mind. And now that I am not trying to push myself to learn French, I am not really reading. I need a break from reading. and I don't watch t.v. So what am I supposed to do all day? For another damned month?
Well at least I finally paid for my French exam today. Once that is over with I will be able to look for a job and really apply for loans. Two weeks from today.
So it looks like Dov will not be back till next week some time. When I talked to him yesterday he said that he wasn't sure if he would stay in Tel Aviv for 10 days or stay on for 2 weeks to see his friends. I hope he comes back soon. I would really like to see him this weekend. I know that he will not be back. But I guess after having sex with him, I want to see him a bit more. I TOLD HIM THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. That was the excuse that I used for not going to his apartment the first time he asked. The second time I said I couldn't on the second time that we met. And the third time was when he rescued me. And now that I have had sex with him, I don't want to go out and date other people. I have officially become a little bit emotionally attached to him. I think to myself, "Maybe I shouldn't have gone to his apartment the night before he had to leave." But we had a good time. It is just that we had a good time and then he had to leave. I was getting used to see him. Three times in one week. And then he is just gone. Hmph. Not fair. Not fair! NOT FAIR!!!
I hope that he calls me when he gets my message. I am saying things that are weak! I am saying things that affirm that I have affection for him! What is this crap? Do I have affection for a man again?
I saw Cedric today in the post office. I felt nothing....My heart raced because of the nervousness... but there is no more feeling for him at all. That part of me is dead now.
I need company. And Dov is gone. I am calling Luc. It is stupid... but I am doing it anyway. And he is not answering. I am not Dov's girlfriend. But I still feel strange about being with other men. He needs to come back and keep me company!!!
I miss Dov. He will probably not be back for 2 weeks. I called him yesterday when he was in a meeting. It was Sunday, so I thought that he would be free. But yes, he called me back. And then, my phone went through the washing maching last night and it is not working and I just bought it 2 weeks ago when the other one fell out of my pocket while rock climbing... so I want to wait a few days to see if it will dry out before buying a new one. Soooo, I was worried that if Dov tried to call me or SMS me in the next couple of days I would not be able to respond and he would think that there was something up. So I sent him an email on Genevaonline and tried to call him. He did not answer. I left a message. I hope that he doesn't think that I am calling him too much. I think that he will understand. He is a nice guy. He is the one that originally asked me out. And a second time. And a 3rd time. And then we made love. And then he left to go to Israel. So it is not too weird that I try to contact him a second day in a row since it was to let him know that my phone was not working.
In other news, my Mac is about to bite the dust. It fell off my bed about a year ago and so the frame of the screen has been broken ever since. Then about a month ago the built-in memory stopped working. And now I bring it into the Apple shop and the guy says that he doesn't think that the technician will recognize my extended warrenty because of the screen. Because it looks like it has taken a beating! DAMN! So I am going to attempt to fix it with some super-glue. THIS SUX. There are only like 80 days left of my warrenty. And I need this computer. And I don't have the money for a new mother board. And the memory just stopped working all by itself. This is totally not cool.
Going back to work today was tortuous. Being in a tiny apartment all day long with a baby and an 8-year-old. And it was overcast and raining in the morning. And the mother was upset to find that we had been home all day...so I guess I will take them to the museum tomorrow. This sux! 415 francs per week for 30 hours is not enough. I am getting something like 12 dollars an hour. At least this month I wont have taxes taken out. It is not that I am doing so much work...but that what I am required to do is so goddamned boring that it drives me out of my mind. And now that I am not trying to push myself to learn French, I am not really reading. I need a break from reading. and I don't watch t.v. So what am I supposed to do all day? For another damned month?
Well at least I finally paid for my French exam today. Once that is over with I will be able to look for a job and really apply for loans. Two weeks from today.
So it looks like Dov will not be back till next week some time. When I talked to him yesterday he said that he wasn't sure if he would stay in Tel Aviv for 10 days or stay on for 2 weeks to see his friends. I hope he comes back soon. I would really like to see him this weekend. I know that he will not be back. But I guess after having sex with him, I want to see him a bit more. I TOLD HIM THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. That was the excuse that I used for not going to his apartment the first time he asked. The second time I said I couldn't on the second time that we met. And the third time was when he rescued me. And now that I have had sex with him, I don't want to go out and date other people. I have officially become a little bit emotionally attached to him. I think to myself, "Maybe I shouldn't have gone to his apartment the night before he had to leave." But we had a good time. It is just that we had a good time and then he had to leave. I was getting used to see him. Three times in one week. And then he is just gone. Hmph. Not fair. Not fair! NOT FAIR!!!
I hope that he calls me when he gets my message. I am saying things that are weak! I am saying things that affirm that I have affection for him! What is this crap? Do I have affection for a man again?
I saw Cedric today in the post office. I felt nothing....My heart raced because of the nervousness... but there is no more feeling for him at all. That part of me is dead now.
I need company. And Dov is gone. I am calling Luc. It is stupid... but I am doing it anyway. And he is not answering. I am not Dov's girlfriend. But I still feel strange about being with other men. He needs to come back and keep me company!!!