you'll only be king once.

Feb 21, 2009 12:26

AND YOU DONT HAVE TO SAY "I LOVE YOU TOO" ITS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU.

i am having a hard time writing songs about my feelings. the feelings that i used to have a solid grasp on. used to be able to say point blank "i miss this. i want this." being an emotional vagabond causes me to question every thought. everyones elses words running running through my head at such high speeds that i can't sleep even when i think i have what i wanted.

scene 1. in the evening we are as we used to be: gallivanting through the city, sharing smiles and laughs and everything that having a history with someone provides. this ease of conversation that we have always had, but all the underlying awkwardness lingers. it's always that i know you know i'm not that dumb, but we know that this is what it always always comes back to. that something in you changes in the morning hours and nothing is the same. the nights repeat each month. and i've come to expect it. at least it's something routine and honest.

scene 2. i'm sitting here and listening to the mixes grant gave me because he was this rare person who knew me so well through music, but in the end it doesn't really matter. each song is like the core of my being and i feel like for that time he could read me better than i could. he sent me 14 cd's each one showing me a part of him and being absorbed in me. that the whole time he was making them he was thinking about me. i dont think most people think about me much at all. but it doesn't matter, everyone leaves. everyone stops caring sometime.

at least i have the songs. the painting. the bull. the material things to help me never forget.
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