(no subject)
Hey guys wanna hear a story? (Not as funny as the last entry of this nature.)
So dudes um I fought the law and the law totally won. Well I have finished my legal proceedings in harris county as of this past Wednesday. It was actually really gay, my lawyer didn't even come for my last court date, he sent one of his "associates"! I shopped smart and checked out like three different lawyers after I got "popped" and went with this dude. He had an office by Beltway 8 with really comfy chairs, and he told me that he had been on the cover of esquire magazine, which I guess pretty much sold me. The other two guys were some cocky douchebag over in Midtown and this other dude who made a reference to The Trial, which I guess was also moderately impressive. That guy was the cheapest too. Fuuuuuuck.
So the pricey lawyer who my family really can't afford who also happens to have been on the cover of esquire magazine bailed on us for the last day because he had to go represent a more high profile case. Look at this shit. That's not even that outlandish. Geez. His assistant came and he didn't really know anything about my case, and told way too many dreadful anecdotes, a habit that my real lawyer was to prone to as well, but for some reason it never really seemed quite as annoying when he did it.
This guy doesn't know anything about my case, and is telling me it's possible I might have to do a bit more jail time after all is said and done, terribly unappealing prospect duh! This is especially maddening because I vividly recall asking my lawyer if there was any possibility that I would have to serve more jail time and he said heck no. I tell my stand-in lawyer this, and he's like, "Come on, not even for just a weekend?" Geez, some people! Eventually he's perusing the manila folder containing my case info, pauses for a sec, then sorta slaps himself on the forehead, like "oh silly me!" and says "Oh! it looks like they already made you an offer last time! Sorry about that, you don't have to spend the weekend in jail." What a dork.
I thought maybe when I went up to talk to the judge and say "Guilty" he would give me some kinda lecture or something, about how drunk driving is pretty stupid (which by this point I already realize, but, ya know) and how I'm a good kid but i made a mistake and I need to learn from it. But it was a pretty quick affair. How do you plead, do you understand everything I am saying, blah blah BLAH! But actually it only took like 30 seconds. Then I was outta there and down the hall to pay my fines and court fees.
i had to stand in line for sooo long at this fucking office, like hours, while some kinda ironicool 80s public service-like video looped non stop on a tv/vcr combo suspended from the ceiling. It showed this woman performing all these normal activities, driving a car, buying groceries, playing with small children (maybe hers or maybe not), with narration describing how one takes these mild mannered activities for granted until one is placed...IN JAIL!!! at which point aforementioned wholesome woman is placed in the orange prison jumpsuit / prison cell combination and assumes a very sad look on her face. It was pretty entertaining for about the first hour or so of waiting. Eventually I had some cop with Houston Aeros commemorative bath towels thumbtacked to the walls of his office fill out lots of paperwork for me so I could go back up and stand in line again to pay my fines. Then we finally got to go home and I think my mommy loved me a little bit more.
So grand total, at the end of all this, is like some $300 or so in court fees, plus the official $400 fine for DWI, plus a 1 year suspension of my driver's license, plus a $1000 fee each year (for the first 3 years) when I apply to get my driver's license back later. I didn't have to take probation, so I can still do drugs and stuff. And, um, this is kinda stilly but I got this spiffy new Texas state ID card, looks pretty much like a driver's license only you can't drive with it, and I guess I like my picture on it pretty well. More than the picture on my driver's license from like 2 years ago, at least. Overall i would say that this was an interesting experience, but probably not one that I would want to repeat. The worst was feeling like such a disappointment to my mom, especially since I really stopped fucking up so much near the end of high school. Mommy worried way too much about me before this incident, and now she's taken it to new heights. Not pretty. I'm leaving in 3 weeks and then I don't ever want to live with my parents again. Whew!
So dudes um I fought the law and the law totally won. Well I have finished my legal proceedings in harris county as of this past Wednesday. It was actually really gay, my lawyer didn't even come for my last court date, he sent one of his "associates"! I shopped smart and checked out like three different lawyers after I got "popped" and went with this dude. He had an office by Beltway 8 with really comfy chairs, and he told me that he had been on the cover of esquire magazine, which I guess pretty much sold me. The other two guys were some cocky douchebag over in Midtown and this other dude who made a reference to The Trial, which I guess was also moderately impressive. That guy was the cheapest too. Fuuuuuuck.
So the pricey lawyer who my family really can't afford who also happens to have been on the cover of esquire magazine bailed on us for the last day because he had to go represent a more high profile case. Look at this shit. That's not even that outlandish. Geez. His assistant came and he didn't really know anything about my case, and told way too many dreadful anecdotes, a habit that my real lawyer was to prone to as well, but for some reason it never really seemed quite as annoying when he did it.
This guy doesn't know anything about my case, and is telling me it's possible I might have to do a bit more jail time after all is said and done, terribly unappealing prospect duh! This is especially maddening because I vividly recall asking my lawyer if there was any possibility that I would have to serve more jail time and he said heck no. I tell my stand-in lawyer this, and he's like, "Come on, not even for just a weekend?" Geez, some people! Eventually he's perusing the manila folder containing my case info, pauses for a sec, then sorta slaps himself on the forehead, like "oh silly me!" and says "Oh! it looks like they already made you an offer last time! Sorry about that, you don't have to spend the weekend in jail." What a dork.
I thought maybe when I went up to talk to the judge and say "Guilty" he would give me some kinda lecture or something, about how drunk driving is pretty stupid (which by this point I already realize, but, ya know) and how I'm a good kid but i made a mistake and I need to learn from it. But it was a pretty quick affair. How do you plead, do you understand everything I am saying, blah blah BLAH! But actually it only took like 30 seconds. Then I was outta there and down the hall to pay my fines and court fees.
i had to stand in line for sooo long at this fucking office, like hours, while some kinda ironicool 80s public service-like video looped non stop on a tv/vcr combo suspended from the ceiling. It showed this woman performing all these normal activities, driving a car, buying groceries, playing with small children (maybe hers or maybe not), with narration describing how one takes these mild mannered activities for granted until one is placed...IN JAIL!!! at which point aforementioned wholesome woman is placed in the orange prison jumpsuit / prison cell combination and assumes a very sad look on her face. It was pretty entertaining for about the first hour or so of waiting. Eventually I had some cop with Houston Aeros commemorative bath towels thumbtacked to the walls of his office fill out lots of paperwork for me so I could go back up and stand in line again to pay my fines. Then we finally got to go home and I think my mommy loved me a little bit more.
So grand total, at the end of all this, is like some $300 or so in court fees, plus the official $400 fine for DWI, plus a 1 year suspension of my driver's license, plus a $1000 fee each year (for the first 3 years) when I apply to get my driver's license back later. I didn't have to take probation, so I can still do drugs and stuff. And, um, this is kinda stilly but I got this spiffy new Texas state ID card, looks pretty much like a driver's license only you can't drive with it, and I guess I like my picture on it pretty well. More than the picture on my driver's license from like 2 years ago, at least. Overall i would say that this was an interesting experience, but probably not one that I would want to repeat. The worst was feeling like such a disappointment to my mom, especially since I really stopped fucking up so much near the end of high school. Mommy worried way too much about me before this incident, and now she's taken it to new heights. Not pretty. I'm leaving in 3 weeks and then I don't ever want to live with my parents again. Whew!