S2 LJ themes from scratch aka OMFG what is this??!

[hinokumo]

I have a pretty header for my lj that I created. I would like to use it. After reading for 20 minutes about S2 styles, CSS, and custom theme layers, I am afraid to say that I've thrown in the towel. This makes even less sense to me than HTML. It's like reading braille in Klingon. I suppose I'll have to use one of the customizable themes, but I really just don't like them.

Any advice on a S2 customization website for dummies? Because I have a Masters degree and I feel like a moron. And my eyes are crossed. In this case, lj FAQ fails.

::sighs::