And never let go...
My thoughts are so screwed up. I have NO IDEA what Im doing with myself. I feel like I'm stuck and I don't know how to move on. Honestly, I don't know if I want to get over rob or not. Im completely slit in half. I can't even explain why, but i've become like dependent on him or something. Its so much different this time because I don't know how I feel! Over the summer it was hard, but i got over it, I was honestly getting over him and I met alvin and I met Dan and like, i thought I was over him. now that I realized how I feel, and I can't do anything about it, its horrible. Alot of people would think Im crazy for wanting to be with him again, maybe I am, I don't know, I know how I feel tho. For that week that we really started talking again, It was amazing. I truely felt happy again. I haven't had that feeling back since then. I want to be his girl again and I just can't. I can't right now. Im so confused because I don't know how I'll feel in 2007 when this is all technically over. idk if I'll have any feelings left. So lets just say I do...and somehow we start talking again. Well its gonna be a huge huge problem with my parents, because they're just never going to forgive him or accept him agian, and they straight up said that to me. So how do I know if its worth it? I don't know what to do right now, Idk if Im doing the right thing. Some days I just wanna die, seriously. not suicidal or anything. I just wanna let go of everything because Im so stuck. And theres no way to do that. I love him, I can't help it, I can't change all the things that happened last year, but I also can't change the way i feel. Its crazy but its the truth. But then a part of me is telling me to just let him go, because Im scared. I saw the old Him coming back just recently and I couldn't believe it. I don't know if its possible that anythings gonna be different in a few years, since it isn't now. How am I supposed to know that? it would be easier if I hated him. But I don't. I don't wanna hate him, so instead we're cool with each other. and its just that little bit that keeps me holding on to him and Idk why. Idk if I should, but it feels right. God I seriously just can't stand being stuck in the middle. I just want to give up...but I don't really know what that means right now. i can't think of anything thats gonna make anything else go away, so Im just gonna stay here and be stuck.