I really don't care what everyone thinks
I know I may sound like a 13 year old, but it's not like that. It doesn't work like that. I just.. I just don't know what it is. I was feeling tired and overall annoyed because i'm having stressful days at work, I'm falling behind at school, and I'm basically just getting really stressful lately. Today I was tearing up during class because I was angry at the universe. I still am, I'm angry for many things, things that have to do with me and those I love.
So on my way home I decided to do the one thing that ALWAYS makes me feel better, listening to Sam's Town. I never thought I'd have something like this. I mean, it's just an album, in a way. But, it feels so close to my heart, and no matter what, it makes me feel better. Even if there are some tears involved in the process.
I've been through this before. I'm not the most emotionally stable person. And I definitely don't posses that much of a self esteem, or courage, or determination, or many things that I really need. It's always been difficult, that side of things. But since I went on this crazee adventure that's been liking The Killers (liking, yeah right) things have changed. I can't put my finger quite in how or why, but I'm different. I've changed, for good. I feel free. Like I never was before. And all that goodness, all that feels like the best gift anyone has given me. I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by people who love me no matter what, I will not debate that. But sometimes you just can't put it together in your mind, sometimes something stops you that goes beyond understanding. I had that. To this day I don't know what it was. I But it's not there anymore. Now, it doesn't matter how bad I feel about something, I don't go to that place. Now I can go to my "happy place" and just say "fuck it!". I'm not afraid anymore, not as I used to be anyways. I just feel a better person overall. I know it comes as you get older but I truly feels like for the last 2-3 years I've had something more. Ya know, that thing they call hope. That something that tells me I'm not completely crazy for wanting something. Something that's helped me to fight through things, even if I have to lose out sometimes.
And I think I've rambled too much and lost track of where I was heading.
So back to the 13-year-old-ness. I owe it to this fella right here
hey, this thing needed some comic relief!
But seriously, I know it sounds insane, I'm not sure why I'm typing this (I guess I don't want to forget), but I feel such a level of admiration for that guy over there. He writes the songs that help me out, and he has something I can't quite define. I just know that, whatever it is, it's helped me in such a way, that I never thought possible. Not for someone who doesn't know me and whom I don't know "irl", so to say. Feels like I have a new life, and I like it, very much. And I'm as greatful as I could be. Now I don't take every hit and back away, now I'm ready to fight back. Ok weird statement.
I just can't really explain it. It's weird. i'm weird, yes. But as I said, I don't care. I love him and I can't put to words what he means to me. I never found anything in religion, and it was mostly a disappointment. Music gave me what I wanted. HIS music, gave me what I needed. I think he is up there, with people who have inspired me, John included.
So there you go.
LOL @ how much I've cried today, srsly.
Sorry for the emo-ness in here also!
So on my way home I decided to do the one thing that ALWAYS makes me feel better, listening to Sam's Town. I never thought I'd have something like this. I mean, it's just an album, in a way. But, it feels so close to my heart, and no matter what, it makes me feel better. Even if there are some tears involved in the process.
I've been through this before. I'm not the most emotionally stable person. And I definitely don't posses that much of a self esteem, or courage, or determination, or many things that I really need. It's always been difficult, that side of things. But since I went on this crazee adventure that's been liking The Killers (liking, yeah right) things have changed. I can't put my finger quite in how or why, but I'm different. I've changed, for good. I feel free. Like I never was before. And all that goodness, all that feels like the best gift anyone has given me. I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by people who love me no matter what, I will not debate that. But sometimes you just can't put it together in your mind, sometimes something stops you that goes beyond understanding. I had that. To this day I don't know what it was. I But it's not there anymore. Now, it doesn't matter how bad I feel about something, I don't go to that place. Now I can go to my "happy place" and just say "fuck it!". I'm not afraid anymore, not as I used to be anyways. I just feel a better person overall. I know it comes as you get older but I truly feels like for the last 2-3 years I've had something more. Ya know, that thing they call hope. That something that tells me I'm not completely crazy for wanting something. Something that's helped me to fight through things, even if I have to lose out sometimes.
And I think I've rambled too much and lost track of where I was heading.
So back to the 13-year-old-ness. I owe it to this fella right here
hey, this thing needed some comic relief!
But seriously, I know it sounds insane, I'm not sure why I'm typing this (I guess I don't want to forget), but I feel such a level of admiration for that guy over there. He writes the songs that help me out, and he has something I can't quite define. I just know that, whatever it is, it's helped me in such a way, that I never thought possible. Not for someone who doesn't know me and whom I don't know "irl", so to say. Feels like I have a new life, and I like it, very much. And I'm as greatful as I could be. Now I don't take every hit and back away, now I'm ready to fight back. Ok weird statement.
I just can't really explain it. It's weird. i'm weird, yes. But as I said, I don't care. I love him and I can't put to words what he means to me. I never found anything in religion, and it was mostly a disappointment. Music gave me what I wanted. HIS music, gave me what I needed. I think he is up there, with people who have inspired me, John included.
So there you go.
LOL @ how much I've cried today, srsly.
Sorry for the emo-ness in here also!