been tough
the past few weeks have been tough, so much stress baring down on me its almost unreal. my time of days of have become filled with yet more work i get myself involved into with family. ive been doing good somedays and others i just cant handle to the point of walking out on my life. i bust my tail at work and try as hard as i can to get somewhere. today marks the day i exploaded at my Senior Asst Manager. I got sent home and now i get to go into work tomorrow early to talk to my superiors about what happened. in my mind i feel i was right to be angry but i dont think i should have exploaded in his face like i did. from what i recall anyone who works a 8 hour day is entitled to two 10 min brakes two times in a day and one 30 min lunch. i was asking for my first 10 min brake after my lunch after i litterally punched myself in the balls braking a lug off of a car. i ask for a break for recovery time. he trys to pull his usuall bullshit of well we have cars in the bays. last time i checked even when i get sent to lunch there are cars in the bays. i got to the point in that fraction of a second remembered that he pulls this shit all the fucking time. also the day i never got a lunch because of his stupid thought process. i think it has a lot to do with the fact im German and literally dont have hair making me look like a skinhead. he is of hispanic nationality. this i see being a problem. aside of all of that he is the only one aside another mexican which treats me of lower level. reguardless of how long ive been here or there is not relevent to the fact you should treat everyone as equals, and in my mind in the workplace it is manditory. ive been thinking the past few days to resume where i left off with my cisco training to get the fuck out of that somewhat dead end job. i was able to keep enough together not to punch him in the face but i still let out enough steam to get sent home. i told him no, im taking my 10 min brake now even after trying to make a deal of even 5 min. at that point i was furious of his stupid bullshit of there are cars in the bays and you want to take a brake now? i responed with i sure do. then his typical fucking well.... how about you work on this that and the other thing... which leads to doing so and once that is done there is other shit to do also. i know when there is shit to do there is shit to do. at this point of the day we were not behind, we were at a comfort point, and all he could do is try to make up reasons why i CANT take a break. he also did this another day where i never got a lunch because of this, yet that same day everyone else working recieved one. i believe this is more to do with him not liking me or being able to accept my minor requests. so he asks me how long i was there until today, i told him until close. he said "Great, go clock out, and tell Mike(Manager) that I told you to." i was like OKAY ;) so i did exactly that. Mike thought I just got sent home due to being slow on buisness. He calls me after i get home and talks to be in short telling me i need to be there early to discuss this matter with Luis and him. he also told me that there is no way he could get rid of me, and that him including others really do car and in his words "We love you bro." at that point I felt real shitty about it. I cant wait to go in tomorrow. I also have been thinking of talking to the AVP and VP about this matter including others about this new Senior Asst Manager. I still am single and now to the point of no girl attention or anything at all. I feel lonley and empty. Sometimes I almost want to quit this world and its beautiful pains. I find myself recently refusing to look at any attractive females, including today. I wish I could just let go of the wheel of my car one day and take off my seatbelt. But knowing my luck I would just end up hurt and not dead, and just ruin my life a bit further. Oh fucking well. Life just sucks more by the minite. My car is comming apart, radiator is blown, headlight assy is busted, it knocks, and better yet my exhaust manifold studs are falling out one by one. I am about ready to put my foot through the grille of the thing but I know thats not gonna get me anywhere but about 250 dollars more in the hole to replace the grille. Man I am so filled with hate its not even funny. I saw a friend today I made a while back which was nice, just bringing me to more heartache. Fuck this shit, im gonna go cry.
out
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