(no subject)
as usual....the moment i post something, i start to think back about what i wrote.
i dont really know what i'm trying to achieve here.
we human beings aren't taught how to react to these kinds of situation you know? you expect me to get back right up on my feet and pretend nothing happened? do you even want me to pretend this didn't happen?
try putting yourself in my shoes then. how would you react? it's not like im not even bothering to try despite all the bullshit i've said. all these while i've been trying to gather my courage and start a conversation with you but i just don't know how.
what can i say? this isn't your fault. just blame it on me who was stupid enough to even do such a thing.
im so pathetic and useless, cant even do a thing right. really really really hate myself right now. i feel so empty ugh. every thing i see it reminds me of our friendship.
this reality hurts. sometimes when i close my eyes i can almost imagine you talking to me. funny how i didn't appreciate you enough. i sometimes really wonder if you even think of me, as a friend. this vulnerable thing called friendship might be only one-sided on my part. you might think i'm thinking little of you, no i'm not. but you can't blame me for thinking this way.
f this. i'm trying okay? i just hope you;ll accept me again when im ready. if im ever ready.
angry, depressed and hating myself. as usual.