Sep 03, 2002 19:38
Things really haven't been the greatest for me lately, but that's never a surprise. Dave really hurt my feelings yesterday. It made me just want to die. I'll try to explain things...his friend called and I guess checked if Dave and I were still going to the State Fair to see Alice Cooper, which we were. Well Dave never said that he invited Jason to come along with us, which I've planned on that concert for a good 2 months. So, I was aggravated by him saying that Jason was going with us, cause it was such short notice for me. I don't have anything against Jason...it's just I wish I would have known sooner. *Wonderful World just came on the radio by Louie Armstrong.* Well anyways, when Dave said that Jason was coming with us, I said that's nice. Then he just blew up on me, saying that Jason's mom died around the same time Dave's dad died...and that if I didn't like him going I could just go straight to Hell. Then he said something like I should stop acting like such a bitch. Whatever. The whole part about going to Hell really crushed me. I mean, you say you love someone with all your heart, but how can you tell them to go to Hell? That's what I don't get. That's what hurt me the most. Well we did end up going the Fair, and saw Alice Cooper play. We got VIP seats, which meant free food and drinks and great seats. Alice Cooper kicked ASS!!! I had a great time. I saw Kevin from Hot Topic there...I felt bad, cause he was just standing around. That was all great fun, we ALMOST got to meet Alice, but Dave's friend's Dad that runs the fair...caught us trying to sneak in with a big group...lol. Oh well. It was all good. After we got home, I took a shower, and then came back downstairs to see if Dave was gonna say something about what he said to me earlier in the evening. Well, I had to start the conversation, but he did apologize, saying that I'm the most important person in his life now, since his dad died. And that I made him mad, and he blew up at me, and that's the only way I understand things when he tries to tell me stuff. I just wanted to cry, but I held back the tears. I told him I understand, but that still gave him no right to say all that stuff to me. It really hurt me, and still is hurting me. It was getting late so I went to the basement to go to bed, and thought that maybe he'd come down and still talk about things with me, but he didn't. So I laid there for a good half hour crying. Crying myself to sleep. I felt soo bad...and I still do. I am wondering if he "really" loves me the way that he says he does, with all his heart. I just don't feel that he does anymore...like he's gotten bored...I don't know. I just feel really lonely. I hate saying all of this stuff, cause I know if he reads this he's gonna be upset...but it's upsetting me. I do so much for that man, and I feel like I get ignored. I just don't know. Somebody tell me how I should feel. I love Dave with all of my heart, I know I do. I couldn't imagine a day without him in my life...but I just want to know what's going on. I know Sept. 9th will mark the one year anniversary to his father's death, but he doesn't need to push me away so much. Let me know what's going on Dave! I want to know what is happening to you...and us! I don't want anything bad to happen to neither you or us...I love you. Help me help you. Help me help me. I can't do all of this on my own. I can't bring your dad back, I would if I could. I know you're really hurting at this time too...but you can talk to me. You don't have to try to be strong about all this on your own. You know that I will do my best to help you whenever I can with whatever I can.