happy freaking fourth
I had a profoundly saddening moment today. I haven't been home for the 4th of July in years, so many that my memories of the 4th of July date so far back to days when the fourth of july involved me coordinating my outfit to wear red, white, and blue, popsicles, and waving a flag. yes, i used to do these things. that's before i refused to say the pledge of allegiance in school. also before the days that i would roll my eyes, huffily cross my arms and get in a tizzy when the star spangled banner, america the beautiful, or any of those songs were played at church. im not sure what exactly sparked my anti-patriotic backlash, but at some point in middle school i took it upon myself to show disdain for every pointless display of patriotism in order to counteract the suffocating presence of american flags and simpleminded "America is the best country on Earth" mantra.
lets call the popsicles days "before estrella was politically aware." and then she became "politically aware." and now on the 4th of july I wonder why I feel nothing as the fireworks explode just under a mile away from my house. well no, to say i felt nothing is wholly inaccurate. i felt nostalgic for the simpler days when i would have been wearing red shorts, a white top and blue sneakers and hair ribbons, a flag waving in my sticky hands, staring up at the fireworks with awe; a clear case of ignorant bliss.
i felt sadness because when i think about this country i feel disappointment and embarrassment. not because i hate this country. its true that i hate alot of things about it, but ultimately what makes me sad is wasted potential. we have resources and opportunities as a country that are never fully realized because we're entrenched in old ways, our government is a bunch of bozos and no one has the balls to tell it like it is and call them on it. people are too stupid or too scared to question anything, and so in this "greatest country on earth" touching the constitution is anathema.... if your goal is to limit the number of innercity kids killed by guns, however, its totally ok if you want to limit people's freedom of speech.
i don't think i would have this much of a problem with the whole patriotism thing if people said "we're the best country on earth because we're the richest." or "because our entertainment is seen/heard all over the world" but to come out with this BS like "we have freedoms and rights that others wish they had?" thats a fucking crock of crap, and people would know it if they knew about anything that happens beyond their own backyards. im not saying that relative to SOME parts of the world all that jazz holds true, but plently of other countries have a much greater right to say that they have "liberty and justice for all"
i hope in a not-so-distant 4th of july i'll feel pride, i'll feel conntected with this country, i'll feel less numb. but im not the one who's going to change.
lets call the popsicles days "before estrella was politically aware." and then she became "politically aware." and now on the 4th of july I wonder why I feel nothing as the fireworks explode just under a mile away from my house. well no, to say i felt nothing is wholly inaccurate. i felt nostalgic for the simpler days when i would have been wearing red shorts, a white top and blue sneakers and hair ribbons, a flag waving in my sticky hands, staring up at the fireworks with awe; a clear case of ignorant bliss.
i felt sadness because when i think about this country i feel disappointment and embarrassment. not because i hate this country. its true that i hate alot of things about it, but ultimately what makes me sad is wasted potential. we have resources and opportunities as a country that are never fully realized because we're entrenched in old ways, our government is a bunch of bozos and no one has the balls to tell it like it is and call them on it. people are too stupid or too scared to question anything, and so in this "greatest country on earth" touching the constitution is anathema.... if your goal is to limit the number of innercity kids killed by guns, however, its totally ok if you want to limit people's freedom of speech.
i don't think i would have this much of a problem with the whole patriotism thing if people said "we're the best country on earth because we're the richest." or "because our entertainment is seen/heard all over the world" but to come out with this BS like "we have freedoms and rights that others wish they had?" thats a fucking crock of crap, and people would know it if they knew about anything that happens beyond their own backyards. im not saying that relative to SOME parts of the world all that jazz holds true, but plently of other countries have a much greater right to say that they have "liberty and justice for all"
i hope in a not-so-distant 4th of july i'll feel pride, i'll feel conntected with this country, i'll feel less numb. but im not the one who's going to change.