Transcript: Robin calls Barney after Ted leaves
Set tonight (Monday)
Robin says:
*she stares at the phone for a good twenty minutes before picking it up and searching for his name on the speed dial. She still has the quick flick of her thumb on the screen perfected, so it scrolls instantly to his name.*
*ring ring*
Barney says:
*he's in the bar. It's late, but he's waiting for Ted to get off a late night class. He kind of wants to talk to him, about V-day weekend, and just generally to see how Ted is. Lily was supposed to meet him earlier but has gotten caught up, leaving him there alone*
*answers his phone without really looking* Stinson!
Robin says:
Scherbatsky!
Barney says:
*chokes on his drink* Robin?
Robin says:
...hey, stranger
Barney says:
*looks around the almost empty bar. The heavy snow has kept most people indoors* Hey! Hey. Hi!
Robin says:
*laughs*
Hi?
Barney says:
Uh... were you trying to get Lily? Because I think she was snowed in. Ted's... uh... got a late class I think?
Robin says:
Yeah, Barney. I was trying to get Lily by trying to call your phone. Because she doesn't have her own phone or anything.
Barney says:
Right. Right! Okay.
Um, so hi!
Robin says:
*chuckles again*
Hi. I just thought I'd... call.
Because.
Your message, and... stuff?
See how you were.
Barney says:
*blinks, confused* Message? Uh. I'm fine. Good. A bit... cold *blows on his fingers and glares at Carl* How's you, babe?
Robin says:
You know... on Facebook.
Anyway I'm good... just looking at some pictures I took of Ted's visit.
Barney says:
Oh right! How did that go anyways? Haven't had a chance to catch Theodore yet.
Robin says:
Awesome of course; how ELSE could a visit to paradise go?
Barney says:
*chuckles* Paradise, huh? Well, that's a pretty big claim.
Robin says:
I wouldn't move away for anything less.
How's the weather up north? As if I didn't know. *smirks*
Barney says:
Yeah, it's kinda grim I guess. In a winter wonderland way.
Robin says:
So... you're not still crying into your beer about being single this weekend, are you?
Barney says:
Uh... that's a... weird question.
I mean. No. Obvs.
Robin says:
I'm just responding to what you said in your email.
Barney says:
Email?
Oh.
Right
Robin says:
Barney. The email.
Barney says:
Sorry... *rubs his eyes* Wow, that seems so long ago- I mean, right.
*laughs* Yeah, I'm crying into my... G&T
Robin says:
You all right, man?
Barney says:
Yeah, sure. So... this weekend? How was Ted? He's been ups and downs lately.
You get anything out of him?
Robin says:
Probably not much more than you did. We had a good talk though.
Barney says:
Aaaaaaaaand?
Robin says:
Aaaaand the details of the convo are classified, but basically, we agreed to do something about our lives.
The state of them.
Barney says:
Interesting.
You realize that implies that you also feel that your life is in somewhat of a "state"?
Robin says:
I do.
Barney says:
Care to share?
*laugh* Hey, that rhymes
Robin says:
Wow, you should send it to a literary mag.
Anyway, there's a myriad of issues to pick from, but... we could start with sex.
Barney says:
*coughs*
Uh.
Right?
Robin says:
*smiles*
I'm not having it.
Barney says:
DUDE!
Robin says:
I know.
Barney says:
No. No. That DUDE! was not that kind of DUDE!
The emphasis was...
Never mind
So...
Why no sex?
Robin says:
Was... what?!
I don't KNOW! I guess--
I'm having--
it's just you know--
like... a dry spell.
Barney says:
Right...
*awkwardly* Robin...?
Not that I want to DIScourage you from talking to me about your lack-of-sexlife...
But are you sure that this is-
*sighs*
Robin says:
Right, no. No, totally inappropriate, sorry.
I was just thinking--
That maybe--
Well, no.
*laughs lightly*
Anyway.
Barney says:
Scherbatsky, what?
You, of all people, would not have brought this subject up if you didn't have a reason
What, you want me to remote-wingman you?
Or just give you a peptalk?
Robin says:
*quickly* No. Definitely not.
Barney says:
Well, I do have some pep going spare if you want it!
Robin says:
*she can feel her cheeks burning suddenly*
No, no pep. Please. Forget it.
Barney says:
Okay. Dude.
And that Dude was "Dude, you're being all avoidy and weird"
Come on
Wassup?
Robin says:
*closes her eyes tightly for a long moment*
*takes a breath*
I-was-wondering'f-mebbe-you'd-wanna-come-to-BA-sometime-ifyaknowwadimean.
Barney says:
Uh... what?
Sorry
Sorry, that did not come out right
I don't mean to sound all "what-ungrateful"
But... Robin?
Robin says:
Um... yes?
Barney says:
Um... You did just ask me to come visit you in Argentina?
I mean... I wasn't hearing things?
Robin says:
Um... noooo...?
*she feels like she's on the edge of a knife*
Say... something?
Barney says:
Okay, that's real sweet of you. Honestly. And right now I'm guessing that Ted's said something to you. *laughs*
Robin says:
No--
Barney says:
No?
Then... why-?
Robin says:
*mumbles* If you don't wanna come it's fine no big....
Barney says:
Wow, okay... Look, wow. This is just a...
I'm confused
Robin says:
Look, your email-- you just sounded like-- it was a good email, and you sounded... sincere.
Barney says:
Uh /yeah/, Kinda was.
Robin says:
And okay, I'm... it's been awhile. Since... sex.
And I don't want... random South American sex.
Barney says:
*blinks again*
Okay. I'm dreaming
*stands up and announces to the bar* I AM CLEARLY DREAMING!
*the couple sitting in the corner booth stare at him*
Robin says:
Barney.
Barney says:
WHAT? MY EX-GIRLFRIEND JUST CALLED ME UP FROM ARGENTINA FOR A BOOTY CALL! STOP STARING AT ME!
Sorry... uh, Robin? You still there?
Robin says:
*rolls her eyes* Not for long if you don't calm down. Stop telling people at MacLaren's what's going on.
Barney says:
Well stop calling me up all all... booty calling me! Dude, you're in South America... It's not that...
Well, okay, I could probably get a flight...
And Charlie could be okay with James.
And...
Hm
Robin says:
See? Totally cool, casual, no big thing, just two single people...
meeting up in a foreign country for sex.
Barney says:
*can't help it, he bursts out laughing*
Robin says:
*feels herself smile*
What?
Barney says:
Okay, you're being ridiculous. C'mon.
Robin, Spanish dudes CANNOT be that bad
That you'd call ME.
What's this really about?
Robin says:
*she can't think of anything to say*
*just swallows hard*
I don't... know. I just wanted to see you...
Barney says:
*in a small voice* Really?
Robin says:
*loudly* It's not a big deal! You know, you're right. I haven't talked to Gael in awhile.
Barney says:
*deflated* Yeah. Yeah, right. Right.
And yeah, that's good. I mean, there MUST be more... other guys? Like, Argentina guys.
That are... you know? Good for sex?
*feels his eye twitch*
Robin says:
I guess.
Unless... you know, I'm not THAT ridiculous. You've flown farther for sex. Don't deny it, dude.
Barney says:
*shakes his head and laughs* You know it.
But that's not the point.
Robin... you know that with ME and YOU... you really wanna go there?
I mean... it's never just gonna be sex.
At least not for-
Well.
Robin says:
*pauses*
*shifts*
...so?
Barney says:
Jeez Robin!
*closes his eyes*
I'd forgotten. It's only been like a couple of months and I'd forgotten what a complete mind-frak you are sometimes.
Robin says:
*sighs*
Yeah... I know.
I don't get it either.
Listen, I've gotta go.
Barney says:
*surprised* Uh... okay?
Robin says:
*starts to say something else, then shakes her head*
Right... so, I miss you.
See you guys soon.
Barney says:
Robin, don't-
Robin says:
Don't what? Be sad? Homesick? Make things worse? I know. I know.
Barney says:
It's okay. You can do all those things.
I mean-
Yeah, whatever.
Robin says:
*softly* Okay.
Talk to you soon.
Barney says:
Right. Later, Scherbatsky
---
He calls her back
--
Barney says:
*stares at his cellphone for a moment, then quickly dials her number*
Robin says:
*thinks about ignoring it, but takes another swig of vodka and thinks, what the hell, she can't possibly become any more embarrassed then she already is*
Hey, Barney.
Barney says:
Okay, here's the thing. Before I freak out, I gotta ask you.
You just... booty called me. But we're broken up. And there's... feelings. And you're in Argentina.
And JESUS I'm gonna hate myself for not jumping at the chance, jumping on a plane and jumping YOU.
But I gotta know what's up with that?
I mean... you realize you blew my mind just then, right?
I mean, you DO realize that?
Robin says:
Well...
I don't know what to--
I just wanted to see you.
And I thought you wanted to come visit me here.
And I thought an offer of sex would help get you here.
I mean, I would've followed through.
Believe me.
Is that so... crazy?
Barney says:
*sighs and shakes his head* It's totally crazy. *laughs* It's classic Scherbatsky.
But I... kinda get it.
I do.
It's just...
You didn't have to.
Offer sex, I mean.
Robin says:
Obviously.
A girl has needs, too.
And when your needs are great, you don't look to the cheapest suit on the rack, if you know what I mean.
You go for a classic.
A sharp one. You know fits.
A Stinson.
Barney says:
*covers his eyes with his hands* Wow. you make this so hard.
*chuckles*
Robin says:
If I could fit Scotch into that analogy, god knows I would.
Barney says:
You're like some... damn evil... how's a guy ever stand a CHANCE?
Robin says:
*bites back a smile*
Look, do you WANT to come to a fabulous South American city, see your best friend, and have sex with her or NOT?
It's a simple question, Barney.
Barney says:
Yes. Yes I do.
GOD I do
Robin says:
*bites her lip*
Buuuuut.....?
Barney says:
There is no but.
I mean... other than yours.
Which I'm assuming is still as peachy
Not to mention tanned
Robin says:
*it's faint-- somewhat faint, like she didn't quite recall what it felt like, even though it's somehow still fresh-- but her heart skips a little*
Are you...
You mean...
You want to?
Barney says:
*laughs* Robin, you... just seduced me by phone. From like, a thousand miles away. What do YOU think?
Robin says:
*her breath falters a little before she catches it*
There's... just one catch.
Barney says:
*frowns* There is?
Robin says:
I don't think we should talk about our relationship while you're here.
Barney says:
Our-
Robin says:
Friendship, boyfriend/girlfriendship, whatever. I just. Think we should just have a good time.
Isn't that usually your motto anyway?
Barney says:
Robin, just-
Please don't.... do that. It's not-
That's not /all/ I am.
And...
Robin says:
I didn't say it'd just be sex, Barney.
I want to show you stuff. Where I live. The places I go. We'd have fun.
Barney says:
I know. I know.
And I know it's just a... one time deal.
No... relationship.
I-
No, it's fine
Yeah, so when... do you wanna do this?
Robin says:
How's tonight?
Barney says:
Okay.
Robin says:
*laughs*
Really?
Barney says:
Really.
*pause*
Damn... I need to check flights-
No screw that-
I'll just head out to JFK and get the first plane
Robin says:
Barney--
*can't help grinning*
That's gonna be insanely expensive--
Barney says:
And your point is...?
Robin says:
Um... my point is, you can't put a price on awesome?
Barney says:
Well, yeah. Exactly.
Robin says:
*there's a long pause, and she can hear him breathing on the other end, thousands of miles away*
Hurry up then.
Barney says:
Okay.
See you in... however many hours it takes
I'll text you
Robin says:
*laughs* I'll be waiting.
Barney says:
Better be
Later, Canada.
Robin says:
*closes her eyes, still smiling, and after a moment, hangs up*
Robin says:
*she stares at the phone for a good twenty minutes before picking it up and searching for his name on the speed dial. She still has the quick flick of her thumb on the screen perfected, so it scrolls instantly to his name.*
*ring ring*
Barney says:
*he's in the bar. It's late, but he's waiting for Ted to get off a late night class. He kind of wants to talk to him, about V-day weekend, and just generally to see how Ted is. Lily was supposed to meet him earlier but has gotten caught up, leaving him there alone*
*answers his phone without really looking* Stinson!
Robin says:
Scherbatsky!
Barney says:
*chokes on his drink* Robin?
Robin says:
...hey, stranger
Barney says:
*looks around the almost empty bar. The heavy snow has kept most people indoors* Hey! Hey. Hi!
Robin says:
*laughs*
Hi?
Barney says:
Uh... were you trying to get Lily? Because I think she was snowed in. Ted's... uh... got a late class I think?
Robin says:
Yeah, Barney. I was trying to get Lily by trying to call your phone. Because she doesn't have her own phone or anything.
Barney says:
Right. Right! Okay.
Um, so hi!
Robin says:
*chuckles again*
Hi. I just thought I'd... call.
Because.
Your message, and... stuff?
See how you were.
Barney says:
*blinks, confused* Message? Uh. I'm fine. Good. A bit... cold *blows on his fingers and glares at Carl* How's you, babe?
Robin says:
You know... on Facebook.
Anyway I'm good... just looking at some pictures I took of Ted's visit.
Barney says:
Oh right! How did that go anyways? Haven't had a chance to catch Theodore yet.
Robin says:
Awesome of course; how ELSE could a visit to paradise go?
Barney says:
*chuckles* Paradise, huh? Well, that's a pretty big claim.
Robin says:
I wouldn't move away for anything less.
How's the weather up north? As if I didn't know. *smirks*
Barney says:
Yeah, it's kinda grim I guess. In a winter wonderland way.
Robin says:
So... you're not still crying into your beer about being single this weekend, are you?
Barney says:
Uh... that's a... weird question.
I mean. No. Obvs.
Robin says:
I'm just responding to what you said in your email.
Barney says:
Email?
Oh.
Right
Robin says:
Barney. The email.
Barney says:
Sorry... *rubs his eyes* Wow, that seems so long ago- I mean, right.
*laughs* Yeah, I'm crying into my... G&T
Robin says:
You all right, man?
Barney says:
Yeah, sure. So... this weekend? How was Ted? He's been ups and downs lately.
You get anything out of him?
Robin says:
Probably not much more than you did. We had a good talk though.
Barney says:
Aaaaaaaaand?
Robin says:
Aaaaand the details of the convo are classified, but basically, we agreed to do something about our lives.
The state of them.
Barney says:
Interesting.
You realize that implies that you also feel that your life is in somewhat of a "state"?
Robin says:
I do.
Barney says:
Care to share?
*laugh* Hey, that rhymes
Robin says:
Wow, you should send it to a literary mag.
Anyway, there's a myriad of issues to pick from, but... we could start with sex.
Barney says:
*coughs*
Uh.
Right?
Robin says:
*smiles*
I'm not having it.
Barney says:
DUDE!
Robin says:
I know.
Barney says:
No. No. That DUDE! was not that kind of DUDE!
The emphasis was...
Never mind
So...
Why no sex?
Robin says:
Was... what?!
I don't KNOW! I guess--
I'm having--
it's just you know--
like... a dry spell.
Barney says:
Right...
*awkwardly* Robin...?
Not that I want to DIScourage you from talking to me about your lack-of-sexlife...
But are you sure that this is-
*sighs*
Robin says:
Right, no. No, totally inappropriate, sorry.
I was just thinking--
That maybe--
Well, no.
*laughs lightly*
Anyway.
Barney says:
Scherbatsky, what?
You, of all people, would not have brought this subject up if you didn't have a reason
What, you want me to remote-wingman you?
Or just give you a peptalk?
Robin says:
*quickly* No. Definitely not.
Barney says:
Well, I do have some pep going spare if you want it!
Robin says:
*she can feel her cheeks burning suddenly*
No, no pep. Please. Forget it.
Barney says:
Okay. Dude.
And that Dude was "Dude, you're being all avoidy and weird"
Come on
Wassup?
Robin says:
*closes her eyes tightly for a long moment*
*takes a breath*
I-was-wondering'f-mebbe-you'd-wanna-come-to-BA-sometime-ifyaknowwadimean.
Barney says:
Uh... what?
Sorry
Sorry, that did not come out right
I don't mean to sound all "what-ungrateful"
But... Robin?
Robin says:
Um... yes?
Barney says:
Um... You did just ask me to come visit you in Argentina?
I mean... I wasn't hearing things?
Robin says:
Um... noooo...?
*she feels like she's on the edge of a knife*
Say... something?
Barney says:
Okay, that's real sweet of you. Honestly. And right now I'm guessing that Ted's said something to you. *laughs*
Robin says:
No--
Barney says:
No?
Then... why-?
Robin says:
*mumbles* If you don't wanna come it's fine no big....
Barney says:
Wow, okay... Look, wow. This is just a...
I'm confused
Robin says:
Look, your email-- you just sounded like-- it was a good email, and you sounded... sincere.
Barney says:
Uh /yeah/, Kinda was.
Robin says:
And okay, I'm... it's been awhile. Since... sex.
And I don't want... random South American sex.
Barney says:
*blinks again*
Okay. I'm dreaming
*stands up and announces to the bar* I AM CLEARLY DREAMING!
*the couple sitting in the corner booth stare at him*
Robin says:
Barney.
Barney says:
WHAT? MY EX-GIRLFRIEND JUST CALLED ME UP FROM ARGENTINA FOR A BOOTY CALL! STOP STARING AT ME!
Sorry... uh, Robin? You still there?
Robin says:
*rolls her eyes* Not for long if you don't calm down. Stop telling people at MacLaren's what's going on.
Barney says:
Well stop calling me up all all... booty calling me! Dude, you're in South America... It's not that...
Well, okay, I could probably get a flight...
And Charlie could be okay with James.
And...
Hm
Robin says:
See? Totally cool, casual, no big thing, just two single people...
meeting up in a foreign country for sex.
Barney says:
*can't help it, he bursts out laughing*
Robin says:
*feels herself smile*
What?
Barney says:
Okay, you're being ridiculous. C'mon.
Robin, Spanish dudes CANNOT be that bad
That you'd call ME.
What's this really about?
Robin says:
*she can't think of anything to say*
*just swallows hard*
I don't... know. I just wanted to see you...
Barney says:
*in a small voice* Really?
Robin says:
*loudly* It's not a big deal! You know, you're right. I haven't talked to Gael in awhile.
Barney says:
*deflated* Yeah. Yeah, right. Right.
And yeah, that's good. I mean, there MUST be more... other guys? Like, Argentina guys.
That are... you know? Good for sex?
*feels his eye twitch*
Robin says:
I guess.
Unless... you know, I'm not THAT ridiculous. You've flown farther for sex. Don't deny it, dude.
Barney says:
*shakes his head and laughs* You know it.
But that's not the point.
Robin... you know that with ME and YOU... you really wanna go there?
I mean... it's never just gonna be sex.
At least not for-
Well.
Robin says:
*pauses*
*shifts*
...so?
Barney says:
Jeez Robin!
*closes his eyes*
I'd forgotten. It's only been like a couple of months and I'd forgotten what a complete mind-frak you are sometimes.
Robin says:
*sighs*
Yeah... I know.
I don't get it either.
Listen, I've gotta go.
Barney says:
*surprised* Uh... okay?
Robin says:
*starts to say something else, then shakes her head*
Right... so, I miss you.
See you guys soon.
Barney says:
Robin, don't-
Robin says:
Don't what? Be sad? Homesick? Make things worse? I know. I know.
Barney says:
It's okay. You can do all those things.
I mean-
Yeah, whatever.
Robin says:
*softly* Okay.
Talk to you soon.
Barney says:
Right. Later, Scherbatsky
---
He calls her back
--
Barney says:
*stares at his cellphone for a moment, then quickly dials her number*
Robin says:
*thinks about ignoring it, but takes another swig of vodka and thinks, what the hell, she can't possibly become any more embarrassed then she already is*
Hey, Barney.
Barney says:
Okay, here's the thing. Before I freak out, I gotta ask you.
You just... booty called me. But we're broken up. And there's... feelings. And you're in Argentina.
And JESUS I'm gonna hate myself for not jumping at the chance, jumping on a plane and jumping YOU.
But I gotta know what's up with that?
I mean... you realize you blew my mind just then, right?
I mean, you DO realize that?
Robin says:
Well...
I don't know what to--
I just wanted to see you.
And I thought you wanted to come visit me here.
And I thought an offer of sex would help get you here.
I mean, I would've followed through.
Believe me.
Is that so... crazy?
Barney says:
*sighs and shakes his head* It's totally crazy. *laughs* It's classic Scherbatsky.
But I... kinda get it.
I do.
It's just...
You didn't have to.
Offer sex, I mean.
Robin says:
Obviously.
A girl has needs, too.
And when your needs are great, you don't look to the cheapest suit on the rack, if you know what I mean.
You go for a classic.
A sharp one. You know fits.
A Stinson.
Barney says:
*covers his eyes with his hands* Wow. you make this so hard.
*chuckles*
Robin says:
If I could fit Scotch into that analogy, god knows I would.
Barney says:
You're like some... damn evil... how's a guy ever stand a CHANCE?
Robin says:
*bites back a smile*
Look, do you WANT to come to a fabulous South American city, see your best friend, and have sex with her or NOT?
It's a simple question, Barney.
Barney says:
Yes. Yes I do.
GOD I do
Robin says:
*bites her lip*
Buuuuut.....?
Barney says:
There is no but.
I mean... other than yours.
Which I'm assuming is still as peachy
Not to mention tanned
Robin says:
*it's faint-- somewhat faint, like she didn't quite recall what it felt like, even though it's somehow still fresh-- but her heart skips a little*
Are you...
You mean...
You want to?
Barney says:
*laughs* Robin, you... just seduced me by phone. From like, a thousand miles away. What do YOU think?
Robin says:
*her breath falters a little before she catches it*
There's... just one catch.
Barney says:
*frowns* There is?
Robin says:
I don't think we should talk about our relationship while you're here.
Barney says:
Our-
Robin says:
Friendship, boyfriend/girlfriendship, whatever. I just. Think we should just have a good time.
Isn't that usually your motto anyway?
Barney says:
Robin, just-
Please don't.... do that. It's not-
That's not /all/ I am.
And...
Robin says:
I didn't say it'd just be sex, Barney.
I want to show you stuff. Where I live. The places I go. We'd have fun.
Barney says:
I know. I know.
And I know it's just a... one time deal.
No... relationship.
I-
No, it's fine
Yeah, so when... do you wanna do this?
Robin says:
How's tonight?
Barney says:
Okay.
Robin says:
*laughs*
Really?
Barney says:
Really.
*pause*
Damn... I need to check flights-
No screw that-
I'll just head out to JFK and get the first plane
Robin says:
Barney--
*can't help grinning*
That's gonna be insanely expensive--
Barney says:
And your point is...?
Robin says:
Um... my point is, you can't put a price on awesome?
Barney says:
Well, yeah. Exactly.
Robin says:
*there's a long pause, and she can hear him breathing on the other end, thousands of miles away*
Hurry up then.
Barney says:
Okay.
See you in... however many hours it takes
I'll text you
Robin says:
*laughs* I'll be waiting.
Barney says:
Better be
Later, Canada.
Robin says:
*closes her eyes, still smiling, and after a moment, hangs up*