HIMYM fic - The Joke
Author: gpref3909
Title: The Joke
Rating: R, NC-17 for the joke
Characters: Barney, Lilly, Marshall, Ted
Summary: What happened after Barney told the ‘dirtiest joke’
Disclaimer: All characters and aspects of the fictional environment are property of HIMYM, CBS, et al. There is no intent, or remote possibility, of anyone profiting from this.
Author’s note: If you saw the episode with the ‘dirtiest joke’, read on. If you didn’t, fast forward to the end of the story (without peeking), read the joke and then the story.
GP
--
The Joke
Lilly knew something was up when she slid into the booth next to Barney. The looks on both Marshall’s and Ted’s face, a super smug ‘I told you so’ grin, said as much.
“It’s a funny joke.” Barney said.
Ted and Marshall labored to restrain themselves, like a couple of six year olds anticipating the reaction to an F bomb.
She glanced back at Barney as he began to speak.
She’d heard the joke before; in fact she’d told it a time or two herself in high school.
Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the two ‘boys’ opposite nearly pee themselves waiting for her indignant response.
“… up your ass.” Barney concluded with a chuckle.
God the games she had to play as a member of the group. They each had a role, a persona, as fixed as the characters in Kabuki or Noh. She was the Wife / Mother figure, cool with sex (serial monogamy version), but the upholder of standards in the battle against promiscuity and sleaze. Mom might let you have your girlfriend in your room, but she’ll draw the line at three-ways and random skankiness.
Putting on the requisite serious look, she let Barney know her displeasure and disappointment and made for the door. On the way, she glanced back as the tsunami of ‘I told you so’s broke over Barney. Barney, who looked away from his tormentors and caught her eye with an understanding look.
Out on the sidewalk she stopped, the joke reminded her of the kinky things that she and Scooter did in that first blush of hormone driven adolescent lust. Scooter was so happy to be getting some; he’d try whatever she wanted. Couldn’t say the same about straight and narrow Marshall, not that it was all that narrow, but straight definitely.
‘Spank me baby’, got a couple of lukewarm taps on her butt and a concerned look. When she’d asked him to do that one special thing she hadn’t done since Scooter, it was ‘Oh babe I couldn’t do that, it might hurt and I mean gosh it’s “there” with a distasteful look. He was the love of her life and a real Viking in the missionary position, but his idea of kink was doing it with the lights on. Her idea of kink had been jump started by Barney’s little joke. She remembered the little shiver she felt. She smiled to herself as she turned up the stairs to the apartment.
--
Back in the bar, Marshall and Ted sat alone in ‘their’ booth.
“Come on Marshall can’t you get Lilly to forgive Barney, it was only a joke?” Ted asked. “It’s been two weeks and neither one of them has been around.”
His friend shook his head, “Lilly was really insulted and hurt, it’s gonna take a while.”
Ted shrugged, “peanut butter and jam” he smiled and shot a glance at Marshall.
Marshall tried to hold back a smile, unsuccessfully, “damn, it is a funny joke, a funny joke but a guy joke.”
Ted nodded with a grin, “but I could totally see how a girl would like not think it was funny.”
He paused for a moment, “no I can’t, it’s funny and I don’t understand why girls don’t think so too.”
Marshall shrugged.
“So has Lilly been painting or catching up on TV or,” Ted leaned closed and lowered his voice,” have you and Lilly been ‘trying’?”
Marshall colored a bit, “no, she’s been doing some stuff for school.”
The big man grinned, “it’s so cute, she’s mentoring one of her little students. He sends her little texts and she gives him extra help and takes him to the zoo and stuff like that.”
“Sure better than what Barney’s probably been doing, “Ted said then making the bed spring creaking sound.
Marshal laughed, “and this little kid, it’s so cute, his name is Skippy.”
--
The Joke
Barney - “What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?”
Lilly - “I don’t know, what’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?”
Barney - “I can’t peanut butter my cock up your ass.”