ミツル ０５： 私の大切な四人へ
I never fell in love before.
I was the type of lass who never cared much about material things, nor the petty addictions and obsessions that the rest of my classmates and friends had. I saw them raving over Western boy bands and declare their love for some celebrities. I saw them avidly following every bit of information about their idols’ lives and fervently discuss things about their love lives, their abilities, and their respective marks in the entertainment industry. I saw them being anxious over scandals and worry about their idols' future. I saw them all, but I never felt it. I too, expressed my interest but it was never enough for me to do all those things. I guess I had other things to worry about, but I guess the main reason for it was because I never really cared about showbiz personalities more than my own life.
And then you came.
Why would you wash laundry to the point of making holes? Why would you mix unknown things in the blender (and why the heck did the mixture change colors anyway)? Why the heck is it called "Summertime" when I can't even see the sea in the main action of the video?
But then a certain person's smile and another certain person's hair caught my attention, and it was enough. I moved on to the next video that caught my eye.
Honestly speaking, you weren't that fantastic. You were still as ridiculous as I last saw you in. First person's hair is still long but the smile is still as blinding as ever, but second person's hair has become infuriatingly BLONDE and I was furious yet fascinated at the same time. But I watched, nonetheless. The song itself was not outstanding but strangely enough, it became my second birthday song.
Like a cat being led around by a string, I found myself immersing in your promotional videos. I found out so many things. Compared to the boybands I grew up with, you wore weird clothes (the horror of those curtain-like costumes!), your voices were all over the place (squeaky to okay to しゃがれごえ to LOUD to just so-so), your faces are cute but I cannot stand long hair (my pet peeve! CUT OFF THE LONG HAIR DAMMIT), and your dancing is very off sync (my classmates in high school can do a better job). In short, you looked like idiots.
But idiots as you are, you had my full undivided attention. I was overwhelmed by my work and graduate school, people began having higher expectations of me and I needed a way out. Everyone seemed happy with their own lives and their "true friends" but I was left all alone. I got my heart broken and I still couldn't forget the guy despite the fact that it had been three years since he said "no". I needed a distraction. And sure enough, your hilarious antics - from getting stranded on an island, to interviews that involved getting jellyfishes as pets, to strange running shows - they all kept my misery at bay. They were enough to make me forget about my worries. I found myself laughing like I never did before. I found myself falling in love with the Japanese language more and more. And even with that still-fragile bond that connected me to you, I found myself staying with you even when you became four. I clung to you for my dear life, lest I ended up being washed away by the raging flood in my RL.
I guess it was that strange running show's fault why I stayed. Should I say I didn't care much about the guy with the paper cups and the almost-invisible guy with the huskiest voice? I don't know. But it had always been the four of you for me. I couldn't tell apart the guy with the best voice and the guy with the chinky eyes at first, but through that silly show I was able to tell the difference. I realized that the guy who kept on smiling had a very strange fear of eels and heights, and the guy who was a wimp at running could be a real tsundere, make snide remarks and even take good pictures.
I got myself a Twitter account and made myself new friends who are all (fortunately) sane, and I am glad. I am pretty sure I must have gotten on their nerves most of the times, but I am happy they still found it in their heart to accept me and all my flaws as a new fellow fan. I am thankful to the four of you because you have connected us in ways I could not imagine, and you have changed my life and made it more interesting as it was never before.
Perhaps the only bad thing about you is that you make me lose so much money for every thing that you do. I still appreciate it though, but I guess it's true that the more you love, the more you are susceptible to pain (in this case, financial pain). I don't have a room to store all the stuff I bought, but you make me do it anyway, you idiots.
And I guess this post still applies - even now, even almost a year after I have posted it. Despite the swirling mass of emotions, it has and will always remain this way. (And yes, even with Arashi as my second fandom, nothing will ever compare to you.)
Today, the fifteenth of September, is your 10th birthday. But I also consider the seventh of October as your second birthday. I know I might not be able to see you as soon as I want to, but you were definitely the reason why my love for Japan has reignited, and why I am still aiming to continue studying Japanese. My words are not enough to express how much I am grateful to you for changing my monotonous life - I know that more than anyone else. Regardless of whatever will come in the future, I hope I will still be here in the years to come to celebrate your joys with the four of you - and the thousands of NEWS fans in Japan and all over the world.
