Love Undefined
Title: Love Undefined
Rating: NC-17, not at the beginning, but it gets there
Pairing: Lily and Ville, Lily and Bam
Genre: Drama/Romance
Disclaimer: I own Lily as she is a fictional character I created. As for everyone else, don't know and don't own. And I'm sure this never really happened.
Chapter 1,2
Chapter 3,4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chewing on my bottom lip while watery eyes watched as more somber looking people made their way up those ominous looking stairs, through what I know is an awkwardly heavy door and into what I could only guess was a delicately decorated sanctuary. Taking a swig from the bottle of water resting on the passenger seat, I let myself focus on the cool water as it slithered down my throat and into my stomach.
Maybe if we’d never gone to visit. . .maybe. . .maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here. Maybe if I’d never been left alone with him that first time we met. Maybe if I’d had the courage to tell Bam from the beginning. Maybe if I’d just put my foot down and told Ville to walk away from the whole idea. Maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here, watching as Mrs. Margera hurried into the church as though she was late. There are too many maybes for me to think that way. So here I am, sitting in this car taking some perverted look at the lives I had once been a welcome part of. People who had welcomed me with open arms and hearts. But volatile relationships never last long, and in this case there were two such relationships, both of them were obliterated by none other than myself.
Months rolled by without incident; in fact after his abrupt departure things were better than ever with me and Bam. He became more attentive than I ever thought possible, seeing to it that I had things he felt I needed and that I was always happy. I don’t even remember having one fight during that time, things just went along smoothly. The relationship was moving along so fast that before I knew it Bam was asking me to move into his place and if not then offering to pay for my living expenses; both offers quickly squashed by my stubborn demand to retain some feeling of freedom and independence. At least that was my excuse to Bam, but the truth was that a large part of me was still drowning in the guilt I felt from my time with Ville.
As for that Finnish shadow, I found my way out of any conversation concerning him and as far as I knew no one had really taken notice. Bam had never questioned finding Ville at my place, after all why would he? Ville was his best mate and would never do anything to destroy that - Bam was so caught up in that idea that he told me once how lucky he felt to have a friend that would look out for him like that. Nothing was ever again said about that night or even his stay in general. Admittedly I wasn’t bothered by not having to rehash that time, the idea of having to come up with some lie to sell to Bam made me nauseas - thankfully it never came to that. But sometimes, when I was alone and restless, images of our time together would flood my thoughts - his touch, that taste, and that last kiss. And each time I pictured that last look he flashed me in my living room I felt a little pull at my heart and would finally drift to sleep wondering if he really meant anything that night. Those were always nights filled with restless sleep.
And that’s how my life moved along. Smoothly, without a single hitch, for seven months.
“Where are we going?” I badgered Bam for what seemed like the hundredth time as he pulled me through the crowded airport.
“Don’t worry Lily,” flashing me that devil child grin of his, “I packed all the stuff you’ll need.”
“I wasn’t worried about that, I just wanted to know where we’re headed.” Stopping he turned towards me, landing a gentle kiss on my lips.
“We’re here.” grinning before flashing a pair of tickets at me.
“London?” I inquired, sure I had caught the word our tickets.
“Yeah,” eyes lighting up as we boarded the flight, “you’re gonna love it baby.”
“I’m sure I will.” shaking my head at the absurdity of the entire situation as we found our seats. After settling in a silence fell over the two of us as I tried to not show my dislike of flying and failing miserably as my fingers tapped a quick cadence on the arm of my seat.
“Lily?” concern covering his expression has he turned to get a better look at me.
“I hate flying.” my words a shaky whisper.
“You’ll be fine,” calloused fingers stilling my own, “I promise.” and true to his word my nerves settled as soon as we hit cruising altitude and somehow I managed to doze off. I came to some time later to the feel of a soft nudge from Bam as the stewardess delivered our dinners. He scarfed his food down as though he’d not eaten in days, while I managed to stomach a little of my salmon, trying to drown my returning nerves in a small bottle of gin.
“Hey,” almost jumping in my seat as the gin started to soak into my virtually empty stomach, “what brought on this little trip anyways?”
“Well I thought you might like to get away and it has been a long time since we’ve all hung out and Ville sounds really excited to see us.”
“What?” trying to hide my shock behind a guise of choking on my liquor.
“Yeah, he’s in London relaxing for a bit and he wanted to know if I wanted to come over and drink. . .”
“So he invited you?” at this point I couldn’t decide what was racing faster, my heart or my mind.
“Well yeah, but I asked him if I could bring some people and he was cool with it.” he added nonchalantly before turning to finish the rest of his meal.
“So he doesn’t know I’m coming?”
“No,” looking at me quizzically, “but it’s not going to matter. He likes you Lily, he’ll be cool about it.”
“Oh I’m sure,” the only thing I could think to do way feign concern about being an uninvited guest, “but if he just wants to hang out and get drunk I’m sure the two of you won’t want me getting in the way.”
“Just chill out Lily,” flashing that smile once more, “everything will be fine.” Quickly excusing myself I made it to the bathroom just in time to become reacquainted with my dinner
By the time we landed I had Bam convinced that I had come down with the flu and perhaps it would be best to just drop me at our hotel room. So after a short cab ride I found myself in a posh hotel room, dropping my bags on the floor and crawling under the covers hoping this would be enough to convince Bam to go out without me.
“Babe are you sure you want me to go out?” he inquired, brushing the hair back out of my face, “I could always tell Ville we’ll meet him out tomorrow.”
“No,” trying for the most sincere look I could muster, “you go out have fun.”
“Ok, if you’re sure babe, I won’t be out that long though. Love you.” and with a quick peck on the cheek he was out the door and I was fast asleep, hoping that I would wake up to discover this was all a bad dream
The next morning I woke to an empty space next to me and a red light flashing on the hotel phone. A message from Bam greeted me on the other end
“Hey babe I crashed with Ville so I didn’t bother you. We’ll be in the restaurant for lunch around one, if you don’t make it down we’ll come up and check on you. Love ya.” I lay there for a few minutes weighing my options and after a long silent argument with myself I decided the safest way to play this was to stay close to Bam and well dressed. So a quick shower and some clean clothes later I found myself walking through the entrance to the restaurant looking for the pair and just as my hopes began to raise thinking they may have forgot a hand landed on my shoulder and the ghost of months past greeted me with a deep voice.
“Well hello there.”
Rating: NC-17, not at the beginning, but it gets there
Pairing: Lily and Ville, Lily and Bam
Genre: Drama/Romance
Disclaimer: I own Lily as she is a fictional character I created. As for everyone else, don't know and don't own. And I'm sure this never really happened.
Chapter 1,2
Chapter 3,4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chewing on my bottom lip while watery eyes watched as more somber looking people made their way up those ominous looking stairs, through what I know is an awkwardly heavy door and into what I could only guess was a delicately decorated sanctuary. Taking a swig from the bottle of water resting on the passenger seat, I let myself focus on the cool water as it slithered down my throat and into my stomach.
Maybe if we’d never gone to visit. . .maybe. . .maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here. Maybe if I’d never been left alone with him that first time we met. Maybe if I’d had the courage to tell Bam from the beginning. Maybe if I’d just put my foot down and told Ville to walk away from the whole idea. Maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here, watching as Mrs. Margera hurried into the church as though she was late. There are too many maybes for me to think that way. So here I am, sitting in this car taking some perverted look at the lives I had once been a welcome part of. People who had welcomed me with open arms and hearts. But volatile relationships never last long, and in this case there were two such relationships, both of them were obliterated by none other than myself.
Months rolled by without incident; in fact after his abrupt departure things were better than ever with me and Bam. He became more attentive than I ever thought possible, seeing to it that I had things he felt I needed and that I was always happy. I don’t even remember having one fight during that time, things just went along smoothly. The relationship was moving along so fast that before I knew it Bam was asking me to move into his place and if not then offering to pay for my living expenses; both offers quickly squashed by my stubborn demand to retain some feeling of freedom and independence. At least that was my excuse to Bam, but the truth was that a large part of me was still drowning in the guilt I felt from my time with Ville.
As for that Finnish shadow, I found my way out of any conversation concerning him and as far as I knew no one had really taken notice. Bam had never questioned finding Ville at my place, after all why would he? Ville was his best mate and would never do anything to destroy that - Bam was so caught up in that idea that he told me once how lucky he felt to have a friend that would look out for him like that. Nothing was ever again said about that night or even his stay in general. Admittedly I wasn’t bothered by not having to rehash that time, the idea of having to come up with some lie to sell to Bam made me nauseas - thankfully it never came to that. But sometimes, when I was alone and restless, images of our time together would flood my thoughts - his touch, that taste, and that last kiss. And each time I pictured that last look he flashed me in my living room I felt a little pull at my heart and would finally drift to sleep wondering if he really meant anything that night. Those were always nights filled with restless sleep.
And that’s how my life moved along. Smoothly, without a single hitch, for seven months.
“Where are we going?” I badgered Bam for what seemed like the hundredth time as he pulled me through the crowded airport.
“Don’t worry Lily,” flashing me that devil child grin of his, “I packed all the stuff you’ll need.”
“I wasn’t worried about that, I just wanted to know where we’re headed.” Stopping he turned towards me, landing a gentle kiss on my lips.
“We’re here.” grinning before flashing a pair of tickets at me.
“London?” I inquired, sure I had caught the word our tickets.
“Yeah,” eyes lighting up as we boarded the flight, “you’re gonna love it baby.”
“I’m sure I will.” shaking my head at the absurdity of the entire situation as we found our seats. After settling in a silence fell over the two of us as I tried to not show my dislike of flying and failing miserably as my fingers tapped a quick cadence on the arm of my seat.
“Lily?” concern covering his expression has he turned to get a better look at me.
“I hate flying.” my words a shaky whisper.
“You’ll be fine,” calloused fingers stilling my own, “I promise.” and true to his word my nerves settled as soon as we hit cruising altitude and somehow I managed to doze off. I came to some time later to the feel of a soft nudge from Bam as the stewardess delivered our dinners. He scarfed his food down as though he’d not eaten in days, while I managed to stomach a little of my salmon, trying to drown my returning nerves in a small bottle of gin.
“Hey,” almost jumping in my seat as the gin started to soak into my virtually empty stomach, “what brought on this little trip anyways?”
“Well I thought you might like to get away and it has been a long time since we’ve all hung out and Ville sounds really excited to see us.”
“What?” trying to hide my shock behind a guise of choking on my liquor.
“Yeah, he’s in London relaxing for a bit and he wanted to know if I wanted to come over and drink. . .”
“So he invited you?” at this point I couldn’t decide what was racing faster, my heart or my mind.
“Well yeah, but I asked him if I could bring some people and he was cool with it.” he added nonchalantly before turning to finish the rest of his meal.
“So he doesn’t know I’m coming?”
“No,” looking at me quizzically, “but it’s not going to matter. He likes you Lily, he’ll be cool about it.”
“Oh I’m sure,” the only thing I could think to do way feign concern about being an uninvited guest, “but if he just wants to hang out and get drunk I’m sure the two of you won’t want me getting in the way.”
“Just chill out Lily,” flashing that smile once more, “everything will be fine.” Quickly excusing myself I made it to the bathroom just in time to become reacquainted with my dinner
By the time we landed I had Bam convinced that I had come down with the flu and perhaps it would be best to just drop me at our hotel room. So after a short cab ride I found myself in a posh hotel room, dropping my bags on the floor and crawling under the covers hoping this would be enough to convince Bam to go out without me.
“Babe are you sure you want me to go out?” he inquired, brushing the hair back out of my face, “I could always tell Ville we’ll meet him out tomorrow.”
“No,” trying for the most sincere look I could muster, “you go out have fun.”
“Ok, if you’re sure babe, I won’t be out that long though. Love you.” and with a quick peck on the cheek he was out the door and I was fast asleep, hoping that I would wake up to discover this was all a bad dream
The next morning I woke to an empty space next to me and a red light flashing on the hotel phone. A message from Bam greeted me on the other end
“Hey babe I crashed with Ville so I didn’t bother you. We’ll be in the restaurant for lunch around one, if you don’t make it down we’ll come up and check on you. Love ya.” I lay there for a few minutes weighing my options and after a long silent argument with myself I decided the safest way to play this was to stay close to Bam and well dressed. So a quick shower and some clean clothes later I found myself walking through the entrance to the restaurant looking for the pair and just as my hopes began to raise thinking they may have forgot a hand landed on my shoulder and the ghost of months past greeted me with a deep voice.
“Well hello there.”