(no subject)

[himeros]

im so envious of people who know what they want out of life; where they want to be in five years, what they want to be doing. To wake up every morning with a purpose of working towards something. All i want is never to be hungry, unhappy and cold but that doesnt give me a clearly defined purpose. exams dont send deathly cold chills up and down my spine. Assignments barely make me blink an eye. sometimes i wonder what i am doing in university. the space that i occupy could easily be taken up by someone who really wants to be here and is possibly more deserving than i. then theres the question of whether i am here for myself or to please my parents. that i cannot answer. i want to be here for myself but somehow my hearts not in it.

call me self centered but i know that for whatever i choose to do, mediocrity is not an option. i don't want to be mediocre. i want to be the best.