(no subject)
My life is crazy right now. Too much is happening.. then not enough.
It's crazy.
I had my life down to a T a year ago. But.. when I went to my father's house the last time.. everything went wrong. Horribly wrong. I became stressed out. Scared. I can't sleep right. I get random depression. I want to cry at weird intervals. Like today.. in the middle of 5th period.. I was cutting out squares. Then all of a sudden BAM I got hit with the feeling of wanting to cry.
I think I'm not going to live til tomorrow. It's a horrible thought to have right before you fall asleep.. and then it keeps you're up for another 3 hours.
I'm tired of not knowing myself anymore. Tired of being unsure. Tired of not being in control, and having fits of emotion that I don't know how to handle.
I apologize to those of you whom I have ignored of the past couple weeks. I'm trying to get my life back. I want to know what I did before that kept my anxiety at bay, without me thinking I was going to sleep and might not be waking up in the morning.
I bite my nails constantly. My poor fingers and the skin surrounding my nails have gone through so much abuse.
I'm working on Astronomy Homework right now. And then I have to read Scene 3 Act 1 of Othello and summerize it before 4th period tomorrow.
Which adds to the stress of my household. My Homework. My chores (which isn't that stressful.. but it is when you dont to it to mom's expectations when she comes home), My mother, and sometimes my sisters.
I'm still fighting over my image. Still thinking I'm fat and unpretty. Plain is more like it. There is nothing extraordinary about me. I don't possess any special talents. I suck at videos games. I'm only outgoing around friends. I'm boring. Sometimes I feel stupid next to peers. Like Chris, or Brian. And Becks and Grim. I feel inferior to them and sometimes don't know what they're talking about.
I'm an outcast sometimes.
I'm also an attention whore. I realized this. I get jealous when I don't get some form of attention. Even mad. I try not to let it show, especially now, since I have recently discovered this. I give credit to those of you who have taken care of me and gone out of your way for me. Those mentioned above. You've put up with so much of my shit over the years. And I owe everything to you.
It's crazy.
I had my life down to a T a year ago. But.. when I went to my father's house the last time.. everything went wrong. Horribly wrong. I became stressed out. Scared. I can't sleep right. I get random depression. I want to cry at weird intervals. Like today.. in the middle of 5th period.. I was cutting out squares. Then all of a sudden BAM I got hit with the feeling of wanting to cry.
I think I'm not going to live til tomorrow. It's a horrible thought to have right before you fall asleep.. and then it keeps you're up for another 3 hours.
I'm tired of not knowing myself anymore. Tired of being unsure. Tired of not being in control, and having fits of emotion that I don't know how to handle.
I apologize to those of you whom I have ignored of the past couple weeks. I'm trying to get my life back. I want to know what I did before that kept my anxiety at bay, without me thinking I was going to sleep and might not be waking up in the morning.
I bite my nails constantly. My poor fingers and the skin surrounding my nails have gone through so much abuse.
I'm working on Astronomy Homework right now. And then I have to read Scene 3 Act 1 of Othello and summerize it before 4th period tomorrow.
Which adds to the stress of my household. My Homework. My chores (which isn't that stressful.. but it is when you dont to it to mom's expectations when she comes home), My mother, and sometimes my sisters.
I'm still fighting over my image. Still thinking I'm fat and unpretty. Plain is more like it. There is nothing extraordinary about me. I don't possess any special talents. I suck at videos games. I'm only outgoing around friends. I'm boring. Sometimes I feel stupid next to peers. Like Chris, or Brian. And Becks and Grim. I feel inferior to them and sometimes don't know what they're talking about.
I'm an outcast sometimes.
I'm also an attention whore. I realized this. I get jealous when I don't get some form of attention. Even mad. I try not to let it show, especially now, since I have recently discovered this. I give credit to those of you who have taken care of me and gone out of your way for me. Those mentioned above. You've put up with so much of my shit over the years. And I owe everything to you.