[fic] Together we'll live apart we'll die - chapter 7

[hime_no_koi]

Title: Together we’ll live, apart we’ll die
Author: hime no_koi
Beta by: jamie_spotty (though she hasn’t beta-ed this one because maybe she’s really busy with her work. So I decided to post this first and then edit it when she manage to finish beta-ing)
Pairing: Akame
Genre: Romance, smut, angst
Rating: NC-17 ( for incest and smut part )
Warning: Incest! (not really…)
Disclaimer: I only own the stories
Summary: They’re brothers, they had sex and unconsciously began to fall in love with each other. But unfortunately, they need to hide their feelings for each other because there’s a barrier that would always separate them. Will they ever find their true happiness with each other? Or will fate bring them apart? (Sorry, I just don’t know how to make this summary><)


Chapter 7

“Because I love you Kazuya”

Kazuya eyes widen in surprise, thousand of emotion ran through inside his chest upon the words came out from Ryo’s lips. He felt confused of what to do… but he can feel it for sure that he also feel something like happiness inside him

As for Jin, his eyes also widen, matching with Kazuya’s, however he didn’t feel the same of what his brother felt right now. He feel anger, jealousy, and sadness, it’s an emotions that he could not describe for this right moment. He never knew that one of his best friends would ever fallen in love with Kazuya

“I have fallen in love with you since the first time Jin introduced me and Yamapi to you” Ryo continue again, snapping the younger man out of his mind to focus his attention to Ryo. “I think… I think that you are really beautiful, inside either outside” he said, blushing a bit as he couldn’t look at Kazuya in the eyes this time

Kazuya didn’t know what to say, he was speechless by the sudden confession from Ryo. It makes him touched though that for the first time he heard someone said something like that about him

Jin bit his lower lip, tightening his knuckle as he keep continue hearing the whole conversation. It makes him really hurt, he never knew that Ryo had fallen in love with his brother for like… 4 years ago. He felt ashamed for himself for not knowing Ryo’s feeling as a best friend, but at the same time, he fear for what happened later. He’s scared that… Kazuya might accept Ryo’s feeling

And if that happened, he will have no right to told Kazuya break up with Ryo

“I…” Kazuya saw Ryo staring back at him, which makes his heart jumping up and down nervously. “I never confess you to you before cause I’m scared that you will disgust with me, since we are both men”

Kazuya look down for that, of course he had thought he would never swing that way, but it was because of Jin he have thought that he really gay. But then he would always become disgust again when someone else than his brother touch him. And know he also don’t feel disgust with Ryo, so it’s that makes him he’s gay now?

“But I can’t hold back this feeling anymore” Kazuya snapped out of his mind when he felt Ryo’s hand on his tighten. “I don’t care about anything anymore, I don’t care if you will reject me. I just want to say how much I love you”

Kazuya mouth slight opened, feeling he blushes against Ryo’s sincere words and watched the black hair boy kneel down in front of him, kissing the back of his hand which makes Jin boiled jealousy

“N-Nishikido-kun… people can see…” Kazuya finally can speak, but it looks like his words was ignored by the other as Ryo once again kiss the back of his hand, making Kazuya blush harder

“Kazuya…” Ryo started, looking up right into Kazuya’s eyes, “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Kazuya was silent for a while, staring at Ryo’s eyes before he look away since he don’t know what to say

He didn’t know what to do. Kazuya was sure though it was Jin that he have fallen in love with. Yes, he really fallen in love with Jin so much that he’s willing to do anything for his brother

But does his brother ever feel the same way?

He knew that no matter how much he love Jin, his love will never be returned. He have also thought if his brother had find the one he really love, Kazuya would support his brother for that, even if he will sacrificed his own happiness

But was it really okay? Is it really okay just sacrificed his own happiness like that?

Was it really be okay that someday, he would only be able to sit and do nothing, watching his brother holding the love of his life in front of him, and he’s just watching them with sadness, jealousy, and grief?

No matter how hard it is, he have to find someone to be loved, someone who will love him back with all of their heart. And Ryo’s one of that person

Kazuya think that he had known the reason he didn’t feel disgusted with Ryo. The way Ryo look at him, the way Ryo held him, the way Ryo kissed him, it was all because of love. And that’s what makes it’s him didn’t feel disgust, because he need and always want to be loved

That’s why he didn’t feel disgust with Jin neither Ryo, because Kazuya knew the both of them love him. The thing is, the love that they have for him is different, Jin love him as a brother and family, nothing more than that

Ryo love him as someone he love, Ryo loves him for who he is and he knew that what Ryo feelings for him is true. It was the love he yearn from his brother

But he knew that he have to move on, he should think for his own future, he can’t keep wishing and praying that his brother would love him back. He have to wake up from his fairytale, he have to face the reality

And maybe, Ryo could be the one he really love someday, maybe Ryo could make him forget Jin and makes him fallen in love with the other boy. Maybe Ryo could be the love of his life

He will love Ryo back, and he would forget Jin

“I…” Kazuya started, looking at Ryo this time as he put a smile on his face, “I will”

Jin eyes widen in shock, his heart felt like it was stabbed by thousand of needles as he heard those word came from Kazuya’s lips, feeling how his heart sink deep into sea and felt like as if he was dying right this time as he forgot to breath for a minute

“R-Really?!” Ryo stood up abruptly, smiling widely at Kazuya who can’t help but chuckle seeing the other’s reaction

“Un” Kazuya nodded, “Because, I… I also like Nishikido-kun as well” Kazuya said, and it was the truth, he thought that he do like Ryo as he couldn’t stop thinking about the older boy since last night, but he cannot use the word love because his feeling for Ryo is not stronger enough as his feeling for Jin

Jin heart sink deeper as he heard that, he could already feel tears brimming on his eyes, threatening to fall but he didn’t do anything to prevent it. He felt this was the end of the world

“Seriously?!” Ryo eyes widen in surprise, he can’t stop smiling for himself and he could feel tear on his eyes already, and this didn’t miss by Kazuya

“Nishikido-kun, are you crying?” Kazuya asked, leaning a bit closer to his now called boyfriend as he was worried that he did something wrong

“Ah! Shit! Damn it!” Ryo laugh and look away, using that opportunity to wipe his tear away with his thumb

“Nishi-” Kazuya started as he took a step closer, but he didn’t have the chance to finish what he was about to say when he’s suddenly being pulled by Ryo into a hug

“God, I’m so happy…” Ryo whisper against Kazuya’s ear, tightening his hold on Kazuya’s body, “I’m really happy…”

Kazuya couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Ryo really love him that much. And it makes him happy that there’s someone who really loves him and treasures him, he felt loved and happy. Kazuya circled his arms around Ryo’s waist, resting his head against the older man’s shoulder

Jin keep staring the couple through the bushes, feeling his tear now slowly trailing down to his cheek and wetting the skin

How he wishes that he could take Kazuya away from Ryo, how he wishes he could makes Kazuya only his

But he can’t

He’s no one, he don’t have the right to do that. He don’t have the right to told who Kazuya should loved and who should loved him back

Kazuya have his own happiness

And if Ryo is Kazuya’s happiness, then he don’t have the right to take it away from the younger one

And that’s why, Jin decided to quietly and secretly leave from his place as he wiped away his tear, walked away from Kazuya as he can’t watch the sight that killing his heart

The day had passed so quickly that Kazuya didn’t realize it’s already almost nights and it’s already the time for the student to get home. Kazuya want to get home with his brother, but Ryo and Yamapi said that Jin already went home. That’s why now he found himself walking on his way with Ryo beside him who keep insisting to walk him home

The whole time they walk to Kazuya’s home, no words or voice came for them, no one tried to come up with a conversation as they both was embarrassed and nervous of being alone. But it was a comfortable silence, none of them bothered by the silence between them

It didn’t take long for them to finally arrived at Kazuya’s house. Ryo keep walk Kazuya to the front gate before stop walking and said, “So…” he started before continue again, “See you tomorrow?”

Kazuya turn around and smile at his boyfriend, “Un, I’ll see you tomorrow Nishikido-kun”

“Hey Kazuya…” Ryo called out, shoving his hands inside his pocket

Kazuya tit lhs head, “Yes?”

“Can you just call me Ryo?” Ryo said embarrassedly as he couldn’t look at the younger man right in the eyes

Kazuya was a bit startled by the sudden request, he can’t help but smile from the way Ryo speak to him because Kazuya think it was rather cute

Of course he want to call his boyfriend by his first name, but then it might be weird if he just suddenly call Ryo by his first name when he usually didn’t, Yamapi and Jin or maybe his parents might suspect something or even worse, found out that they had been going out. And Kazuya didn’t want that happen, he was not ready yet to tell the others about his relationship with Ryo, especially his brother

“But… don’t you think it would be weird if I suddenly call you by your first name?” Kazuya started, and as he saw Ryo staring at him almost surprised yet confused at the same time, he then continue, “Wouldn’t the others… suspect something?”

Ryo bit his lip and let out a small sigh, “So… you want to keep our relation a secret?”

Kazuya feel guilty upon seeing the look on Ryo, but he couldn’t help it, he wasn’t prepared yet to tell the others about his relation with Ryo. “Please?” he pleaded, “I… I don’t think I’m prepared yet…”

Ryo let out a chuckle before he took a step closer to Kazuya and hold the younger one’s hand. “It’s fine Kazuya. Don’t look so guilty”

“I’ll be waiting till you ready” Ryo said

Kazuya let out a small smile, feeling touched at Ryo’s affection

When Kazuya look up, he saw Ryo was staring at him with those loving and caring gaze, so warm that it makes his heart melt. And again it remind him of Jin, he remember Jin had gave him this kind of look to him. But he never understood the meaning behind those gaze

Kazuya almost held his breath because he was surprised when he saw Ryo leaning closer to his face, their lips only inches away that Kazuya could feel Ryo’s breathe on his face. But when their lips almost touching, Kazuya found himself backing away from Ryo

Ryo stare at his boyfriend who look surprised, matching with his own look. Kazuya face look so trouble and he could saw guilty all over his faces

“Kazuya?” Ryo called out

“A-ah… I-I’m… I’m sorry…” Kazuya look down, feeling so guilty for backing away like that, “I… I was just really surprised that you suddenly do that”

Was he? Was he really back away because he was surprised? Kazuya wasn’t sure about that, because when he feel Ryo’s breath on his face, an image of his brother kissing him popped again in his mind

Kazuya want to smack himself for thinking about his brother when he’s with Ryo. He was not supposed to do that, he shouldn’t think about his brother anymore. He’s with Ryo now, he shouldn’t think about his brother anymore

“I’m sorry…” Kazuya breathed out, still looking down as he couldn’t face Ryo

“No, I’m sorry” Kazuya look at Ryo surprised and saw the older boy smiling apologetically. “Sorry for making you surprised like that”

“W-What? No-”

“It’s okay” Ryo said, bringing his hand to his boyfriend cheek, stroking the smooth skin gently with his finger. “I think it’s too fast for the first day” he chuckled

Kazuya look at somewhere else as he still feel guilty, he couldn’t help but think he had hurt Ryo, and it sadden him

“Hey Kazuya”

Kazuya look up, smiling. “Yes?”

“Can I… kiss your cheek then?” Ryo asked, blushing lightly

Kazuya lips opened slightly as he saw Ryo blushing again, he could also feel his cheek turn to red as well at Ryo’s request. It was such an innocent request from Ryo and it really amused

“Oh…” Kazuya put some of his hair behind his ear. “Uh… sure…” he said, nodding shyly. He didn’t knew why he suddenly feel shy when obviously he had kissed Ryo on the lips before and do a lot more than that with Jin

Ryo lips form into a smile hearing Kazuya had allowed him to kiss him, although it was just a simple kiss on the cheek, it means a lot to Ryo

The black hair boy walk closer to Kazuya who look nervous, Ryo ignore it and slowly leaning closer and closer to Kazuya before he placed his lips on the younger one’s cheek, placing a simple but a soft and long kisses

Ryo pull back and smile sheepishly at Kazuya who look down shyly with a small smile on his face. Ryo kisses was so soft and gentle, not forget to mention loving either

But why does it feels wrong?

“I see you tomorrow okay” Ryo smile at Kazuya

“Yeah” Kazuya just nodded and smile, watching Ryo who then walked away from him before he step inside his house

“I’m home” Kazuya said, taking off his shoes before he walked inside to the living room, he could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. The smell was inviting him that he just walk into the kitchen without thinking, regretting for coming to the kitchen then upon seeing who inside the kitchen

It was his brother who inside the kitchen, sitting on the dining table alone with foods on top of it. Kazuya just stare at his brother’s figure as he didn’t find any word he wanted to say, and Jin doesn’t even look at him, it makes Kazuya wander if his brother had realize his presence or not

“Welcome home” Jin broke the silent, but still didn’t look at his brother as he couldn’t find to strength to do so. This evening event had really makes his heart hurt so badly

“U-uh…” Kazuya just nodded, still standing froze where he stood

Jin brave himself to look at Kazuya, trying to act as if there’s nothing had happened with him. But when his eyes met with Kazuya’s, the younger one look away which makes him feel sad

“Mom and dad went to grandma’s house again” Jin started, “They won’t be coming home tonight”

“Oh…” Kazuya said, “I see…”

“Why don’t you eat?” Jin offered, despite the fact that he don’t think he could sit on the same table with Kazuya, because he knew how much his heart hurt just by seeing Kazuya right now, knowing that someone you love already owned by another person

Kazuya also couldn’t take the atmosphere between them, after what had happened, he don’t think he could face his brother that easily like before. But he don’t have any reason to refused, so he took a seat in front of his brother and start to eat his own food that he thought probably prepared by his mother

The whole diner was silent and the only thing do is exchanged glances. Every time Jin look at Kazuya, the younger one was looking at his food, and when Kazuya look at Jin, the older one was looking at his food. But when their eyes finally met, they look away as both of them didn’t know how to handle this weird situation

Jin hates this kind of atmosphere between him and his brother. It felt like it makes both of them are stranger, make him feel like they didn’t know each other

He want his relationship between him and Kazuya still remain as brothers if Kazuya couldn’t be his lover. But he didn’t have to strength to act natural and act as if nothing had happened, he couldn’t force a smile this time, he couldn’t force himself to tease his brother like usual

For some reason, he felt like not himself. He feel lost and not knowing of what to do

As for Kazuya, he noticed that Jin had been silent this whole time, and he found that it was weird. Really weird, his brother looks almost sad and so broken in his opinion. He wanted to asked why, but he didn’t have the courage to ask that, so he just shut his mouth the whole dinner

As they both finished their food, Kazuya was about to pick up his dish when and washed when his brother suddenly spoke, “I’ll wash the dish”

“B-But…” Kazuya tried to complain, but then was cut off again by Jin

“It’s okay” Jin said again, taking Kazuya plates, “Let me do it”

Kazuya watched as his brother walk to the sink and start to wash his and his brother’s plates. He want to help, he want to say something but he didn’t do anything, he just continue staring at his brother’s back before he finally go back to his room

His brother is really weird. He knew that, even though he want to ask or tried to help his brother if there’s something bothering his brother, he didn’t know what to do. And again, he thought it was best to stay silent

Jin keeps staring at the door of Kazuya’s room, wandering whether to decide to came inside or not. He lift his hand into the air, ready to knocked it but then he lowered his hand back to his side, ruffling his hair as he cursed silently

He needs to talk with Kazuya. He had to. He had to make things easier, for his own good and for Kazuya’s. He had to speak with his brother, even though it would hurt him in the end, he still have to do it

For Kazuya’s sake, he had to do this

Kazuya was studying on his table when he suddenly heard someone knocking on his door, and when he heard the sound of the door opened, he turn around and saw Jin stepping inside his room

“Uhm…” Jin bit his lips as he closed back the word, “Sorry, did I disturb you?”

“Oh, it’s okay…” Kazuya shook his head as he stares at his brother who sit on his bed

“Can I… talk you?” Jin look at Kazuya hesitantly

Kazuya was a bit confused by his brother sudden outburst, making him wander what his brother wanted to talk with him. Because it must be something important and somehow it worried him because Jin was looking so hesitant and troubled

“Sure” the younger nodded, turning his chair around to face his brother then

Jin let out a sigh as he look down, he was lost at words and confused where should he started. Deep inside his heart he really just wanted to walk away from this room and stop himself for talking to his brother

But he can’t ran away, he knew he have to do this, he really have to

“You…” Jin started, glancing to look at Kazuya before looking down while biting his lips, feeling his heart felt like being stabbed by a knife as he continue then, “You’re going out with Ryo, aren’t you?”

Kazuya stare at his brother in shock, wandering how the older boy knew about this when he and Ryo had just become a couple since today and when both of them hadn’t told about their relationship to any person

“I saw you and Ryo this evening” Jin explained when he saw his brother shocked and confused look. He couldn’t help but feeling hurt at the memories of his brother and his best friend he saw this evening. He really want to cry right now, but he can’t let his emotion shown to his brother

“I-” Kazuya chocked out as he was lost for words, “I-I’m sorry… for not telling you…”

“It’s okay” Jin forced a smile despite the fact how torn he feel right now. “And don’t worry about it, I won’t tell anyone about you and Ryo”

Kazuya look down, biting his lips. For some reason, he can’t find himself feeling relieved when his brother says that he won’t tell his relationship with Ryo, because somehow, he feel hurt. He’s hurt because his brother actually didn’t mad at him or for not telling him not to date Ryo

He was actually hoping that his brother might forbid him to have any relationship with someone, because it makes him happy that his brother at least cares for him, and he think that if his brother actually saying that, it will give him hope that his brother actually have feeling for him

But of course it won’t be happen, it will never happen. Why would Jin jealous? He was nothing but a brother to Jin, and that relationship between him and Jin will never change in the older boy’s eyes

He was just fooling himself

“And…” Kazuya look up at Jin when he heard the other talk

“There’s another thing that I want to talk with you” Jin said, taking a deep breath as he look down, preparing himself for not crying and brave himself

Kazuya stares at his brother nervously, feeling how his heart beating fast from frightened of what his brother might told him. Because he had a feeling it won’t be good news at all

Jin take another deep breath before he look up at Kazuya

“Let’s stop meeting at midnight, okay?”

Kazuya blink his eyes, “Eh?”

“You know what I mean” Jin said as he forced himself trying to look calm as possible. “I won’t touch you anymore, and I certainly won’t bother you anymore”

Kazuya stare at his brother with mouth opened before he let out a small chuckle, “W-What are you talking about…?” he asked nervously, feeling how his heart hurt

“I’m sorry Kazuya…” Jin ignore his brother question and just continue what he wanted to say to his brother. And this time when he look into Kazuya’s eyes, he can’t hold his expression any longer, he can’t tried to look calm any longer because know he had shownhow sad and broken he’s look to Kazuya

Kazuya was looking even more shocked when he saw the look on his brother, seeing how sad his brother fixed with another emotion that he couldn’t describe on Jin’s face

Jin then kneel into the floor, burying his face into Kazuya’s lap and take one of the younger one’s hand into a tight hold which makes the younger one stare at him surprised. He just don’t want Kazuya looking at him, he don’t want Kazuya to know how pitiful and how broken he must be right now

“I’m sorry Kazuya…” Jin said again, trying so hard to prevent his tears from falling. “I’m really sorry, for what have I done you for all this time… I’m really sorry for taking your innocent away… I’m really sorry for hurting you all this time…”

No matter how much he apologized to Kazuya, the thing that he had done to his brother would always remain the same. He had hurt his brother really badly

Kazuya couldn’t speak, he was speechless at his brother sudden declaration, so he just sit there with Jin’s head on his lap, staring down at his brother and felt how his heart sink

“I’m really sorry for being such a horrible brother to you…” Jin speak again, tightening his hold on Kazuya’s hand and look up this time, he can feel his tear gathered on his eyes but he didn’t care about it right now, what matters the most from him right now is the younger boy in front of him

“That’s why…” Jin started, biting his lip before he continue, “I promise I won’t touch you or bother you anymore from now on”

“Whoa whoa! Hold it!” Kazuya finally spokes, raising his hand to stop Jin for continue talking. “What the hell happened to you? What’s with this all talk so suddenly?”

Jin shook his head, not answering Kazuya’s question and put a finger on his brother lips for stop talking. “I’m sorry Kazuya… I should have stop for such a long time ago…”

Kazuya stares at his brother, feeling how himself was lost for words again

“Listen Kazuya…” Jin took Kazuya’s other hand into his free hand, holding both his brother’s hand tightly as he look deep into Kazuya’s eyes. “Whoever that person you’re going out with, make sure that person loves you and cares about you the most, make sure that person treasure you the most and can makes you happy, don’t ever let that person hurt you Kazuya”

Kazuya felt his heart beating this time, seeing how much his brother cares about him. He feels happy, but at the same time he feels scared, he feel as if his brother would go away and leave him alone

Why does he felt his brother trying to say goodbye to him?

Jin smile genuinely at the younger one, caressing Kazuya’s cheek with the back of his hand. “Ryo is a nice person, he’ll make you happy…”

“Onii-chan…” Kazuya said in whisper, he wanted to say something, but that was the only thing left his lips

“I promise I’ll leave you alone…” Jin said, stroking Kazuya’s cheek again. “I won’t come near you anymore…”

Jin place a kiss on the younger one’s head, placing a long but meaningful kiss because he had pour all of his love into that single kiss

He then pull back, looking straight into Kazuya’s eyes while smiling, “Be happy Kazuya…”

And with that, Jin back away, slowly turning his back to Kazuya before he walked out of the room to his own room

As Jin finally reached his room, he lean against his door, sitting on the floor with his head hanging low as tears streaming out of his eyes

This is it, this is his goodbye to Kazuya

He have to forget Kazuya and moving on

Kazuya just stay motionless at his seat, the thing that his brother said to him keep being repeated again and again in his mind

He was supposed to be happy, he was supposed to forget his brother and with this, he was sure that he could forget his brother

He was supposed to be happy

He was supposed to be glad

He was supposed to forget his brother

But why does he can’t stop his tear from falling?

Why does he keep remembering his brother’s face?

No matter how much he questioning himself, deep down inside he knew the reason why and there’s only one reason

That’s because he loves Jin

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Are you going to kill me now?
waaahhh!!! *hide under the table* spare me life please! >< I really need ryo and kame being together so both him and jin would realize how much they need each other

Thank you for reading though, and it would make me really happy if you leave comment for me because you know, your comment always inspired to write more^^
love you all~ *hug*