+
was really bored today so I decided to rewatch some old MBLAQ perfs and stumbled across this, and it hit me that I'd never before really watched through them sing You're My + live. They came back in the beginning of 2011 and I was all over it, but then it was February of 2011 when I started really writing fic and BEAST caught my attention. I guess. I don't know. I felt so late because I'd only fallen in love with the rest of the tracks in their first album, like You're My + especially.
They've said before that it's a song that's that one special song a band has made just for their fans. And before the beginning of 2012, I can't believe I'd never paid attention to this song before, especially the title. I don't know. I've always just. Like. Loved when bands play with their fanclub names and song titles like that. It just seems so meaningful because I was there and remember as clear as day, watching MBLAQ on their very first variety show right after they debuted, watched them roll out of bed into their living room in their little apartment dorm, looking at each other like O.O please dear god don't tell me we're all blood type A. And the fact that they call us A+ -- that they're the A and they consider us the +, the little added sign to them that helps them be a little bit more amazing than the already incredible amount of amazing they are without us.
As soon as the end of 2011 rolled around, and my BEAST fever kind of calmed down because Taxi was kind of coming to a close and so were a lot of other fics, I guess I kind of just looked around and saw that it was like I'd been out of the MBLAQ loop that when Mona Lisa had come out in the fall, I'd barely known anything before it was actually released. It'd be one thing if, when I got back into the MBLAQ loop, I felt the same way with a lot of bands before (SHINee, SJ, 2PM) and just shrugged it off because I didn't feel as much for them as I did, but the thing is, the moment I saw them again--really heard news and all that's been happening while I was out of the loop, I just missed them so much.
And then, I saw all the hardships they went through while I was floating on the BEAST fic cloud, and I just felt sadder and sadder. It's like the feeling of getting a new toy that you play with it consistently for weeks on end, before you realize that it wasn't worth leaving the teddy bear you've had since you were a baby because it's just not the same. okay no. that was a shitty analogy, but I can't even explain it. While BEAST were going up, up, up, MBLAQ were having the roughest of times and yet growing closer with their fans and each other and I missed out on all of that. 2011 was a hard year, but they grew so much stronger and so much closer and I was absent through basically all of it because I was too busy having too much fun writing with my newfound characters.
watching that performance just hit me with all these feelings--tons and tons of love for MBLAQ, but like. also regret. this big wave of regret just washed over me because I was here to see them finally win for It's War after the shitstorm they had to face in 2011 with no wins at all, and yet exhausted themselves in Japan and with all the injuries during Stay and Again promotions, I wasn't here to see them through those hard times. I was only here for the end of those hardships and for the beginning of the good times, and that just isn't how I wanted it to be. Because in the end, as much as I adore BEAST, I adore them like passing fancies. The same way I adore SHINee, and B1A4, and FT Island, and DBSK, and most likely EXO and BAP. And it's just the biggest shame to me that I missed out on such a hugely significant era for the boys I love the most because of a passing fancy--that I'd forgotten how there's a line between things I love for fic material and things I love because I love.
taking it as a learning experience though, I guess that's why I'm even more attached to MBLAQ and Block B now. Even though Block B are really still rookies, I feel for them the same feelings I have for MBLAQ and that I definitely know aren't just the giddy, giggly feelings of stanning a passing fancy. so even though I'm currently clinging like a whore all over EXO and occasionally BAP, I know the difference now and I'm not going to miss a single moment of what Blaq B are getting up to these days. Not for them of course lol because I'm not that delusional. Those boys are amazing, incredible, gorgeous, talented enough and with enough A+ and BBCs not to notice if I dip out.
Yup. Not for them. For me. Because I don't want to let myself miss any bit of the amazing things I know they're going to do.
