(no subject)
Night time again and no surprise I can't sleep. We had a surprise overnight in Edinburgh Friday night which was really nice. Then Saturday he had to work. As I tried to sleep I just felt so sick and putting my head on the pillow I just felt so sad is all I can say. I just silently shed some tears and pretend I am ok. I just feel so sad. So broken. So alone yet he's right here beside me. Although he is sound asleep. I wish I could just shut off. I'm up early too need to do the horse's before going out with my mum. Right now though, I just feel paranoid again about what is really going on with him. Is he messaging others on his phone. Is he pretending to be someone else. Do I even really know him?
What is wrong with me? I am so tired. I'm scared actually, scared I am losing myself. How can we even look ahead to our future when everything is so messed up and unknown. We have too many obstacles right now in the way to settle for anything. I really just wish I could sleep right now. I want to be happy. I don't want to feel like this.
What is wrong with me? I am so tired. I'm scared actually, scared I am losing myself. How can we even look ahead to our future when everything is so messed up and unknown. We have too many obstacles right now in the way to settle for anything. I really just wish I could sleep right now. I want to be happy. I don't want to feel like this.